So, basically, instead of creating a pornhub account I wrote down the names of the pornstars, and also saved some links of my “favourite” videos. I had been doing it for about a year so the list was quite long. At least twenty names in it and three-four links.
I have a lot of fetishes and I find a lot of unusual things exicitng. My gf knows this.
The problem is, that I have gone too far and I started masturbating to facebook profiles. To girls that I had seen at clubs, house parties, bars. I asked my friends if they knew those girls that’s how I got their names.
So I wrote down three names to the end of that list as a reminder.
Yesterday, my gf found that list. She wasn’t angry about the pornstars, but she got very upset about the real girls. She started crying and she didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day.
What makes it worse that she knew one of the girls…
The other big issue is that my gf is depressed and she lacks confidence because of her body. So imagine the pain she felt when she found out I jerk off to other girls I see on the streets.
I really love my girlfriend and she loves me even more, we have been together for two years. But because of this incident, she feels betrayed, and it confused her feelings.
I don’t wanna lose her. She is the love of my life.
As you noticed I have a really dirty mind. I have addiction to porn(diagnoses by psychologist), however this is not an excuse.
The only thing that I could say to her is that emotionally I am not attracted to any of them. Furthermore I didn’t even know them personally, and I didn’t even talk to any one of them. I “just” masturbated to them.
I feel ashamed, and I am so sorry for the pain I caused to her. I know that I am the love of her life, so I must have dissapointed her. I also imagined how would I feel if she had a list of a bunch of guys.. It’s terrible, I know I fucked up.
What should I do? I mean I didn’t touch or talk to any of them, I never cheated on her, I “just” jerked off to them.
I already promised her that things like this will never happen again and I will do my best to make things right. But I have no idea what other things I should do.
TL;DR: My gf found out that I masturbate to girls on facebook(not pornstars), she is dissapointed in me, and most likely he wants to break up with me. I love, how can I make things right?
Thanks for reading. If you answer, please write down your gender, because then I know from which point of view you are seeing this.
10 comments
You should probably not be in a relationship. Especially a porn addict with a woman deeply insecure with her body is a horrible combo.
[F]. Would feel betrayed because it would feel like I’m competing with the other girls (minus their flaws). And it doesn’t look like commitment when you seek or look for other people.
I’d like to mention you say I didn’t “cheat” but for her and many other people this is cheating if you found her getting off to guys she met (god forbid you knew one) you’d feel like it was cheating and the fact you hid it means you (subconsciously or otherwise) knew you shouldn’t do it. The moment you hide interactions or things from your partner is basically cheating
(F) A few of my exs had porn issues and I can relate to your gf pain. This is a difficult and complex issue. I feel like shame fuels addiction and think it’s great that you are able to openly talk about. More important than anything is to be honest with her. It’s okay to fuck up. If she cannot live with it, she may break up with you, that’s her choice. It also sounds like you both are deeply in love and committed to working through issues. All relationships have issues. I am sure therapy would benefit you both. I also think it may be helpful to be proud of yourself for owning your mistakes, being committed to growth, and being vulnerable and honest.
trans FTM. i think the best way to “make this right” if your GF is also willing to still give your relationship a chance, is to make a plan with a medical professional on how to curb your porn/masturbation addiction and oversexualizing of random women. i dont have much experience with addiction so i cant give you specifics but if i were your SO, id need to see your REAL commitment to establishing a healthy relationship to sexuality and a renewed, sincere interest in your SO. id need to see changes in your habits and a lot of honesty.
that being said, your GF may or may not be able to move past this. you did kind of cross a line when you looked up random women and she even knew one of them.
best of luck OP.
30F. I’m fine with my fiancé looking up porn, but I don’t know if this is something I could get past. Seems like you know how fucked up it is so I won’t lecture you – but be prepared for her to end it over this. The only way you can attempt to make it right is to completely stop looking at real girls’ profiles, and start some serious therapy for your porn addiction. I would suggest she get therapy too
(F) Your poor girlfriend. This has to make her feel terrible about herself. You weren’t looking up her pictures, you were looking up other “real” girls to wank it to. Girls are raised to believe that they have to compete for male attention, so you just reinforced that she isn’t good enough to keep your attention.
You say she is the love of your life. How far are you willing to go for her, if she is even willing to give you another chance? Will you go cold turkey on porn? Will you do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for it? Will you let her go while you work on yourself? You need to consider what is best for both of you.
You need therapy for porn / sex addiction. There are resources here on Reddit where you can get an idea of where to start, what type of therapist you should see. You cannot stay with her and not get help.
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Stop creeping on women’s facebook pages, that’s disgusting. I’d def advise her to leave you. It’s so creepy!