I’m still relatively new to online dating and would love to hear your advice. What’s one thing you wish you knew early on, or one tip you have for someone new to the game? Thank you!

38 comments

  2. Do a video call pretty quickly after matching. Seeing someone in action can provide very valuable info and will save you time. I think OLD is a numbers game…don’t get attached too quickly, know what you’re looking for, and find a way to quickly vet.

  3. Understand that there is a 9:1 ratio of men to women. This distorts the experiences and brings out the worst in everyone.

    Men get desperate and angry and women get overwhelmed. Men are sad they get no attention and think there is something wrong with them. Women get overwhelmed with options but they usually turn out to be bad options which gives the impression men are terrible.

    Edit:
    If you are a guy it’s perfectly normal to get 1 like every 6 months. This does not mean there is anything wrong with you, that you are unattractive or defective. The apps are just like that. If you want more you usually have to pay for the attention. There is nothing wrong with this.

  4. Be diverse and cast a lot of lines out. You will get ghosted a lot. Don’t take it personally. As stated before OLD is a numbers game.

  7. Don’t be afraid of over-communication. Never assume things, don’t analyze things from your own angle, don’t expect other people to mindread or properly interpret your hints.

    Direct, straight-forward, honesty prevents confusion. It goes for relationships, work, etc. If you mis-hear something, ask them if they can rephrase it. If you don’t follow along, ask them to elaborate.

  8. Lower your expectations… just try for making a good connection and be ready for rejection and let it go as soon as it happens. It’s gonna happen. Be honest and upfront and be a little picky. It’s ok.

  9. Pay attention to if words and actions match up. This was much more helpful to me than simple “actions speak louder than words”. That’s also true, but having words and actions be consistent is the biggest tell in someone being healthy and available.

  10. If it seems too good to be true it is.

    Never give out your phone number until you have met them in person. So don’t move off the app into using another method of communication until you have met them.

    If they are going to send you a dick picture- when it happens on the app- at least you can get their account suspended and black listed.

  11. I’m fairly new too… but I like having a google voice # vs handing out my real phone #. Just feels safer to me. Also not texting forever and progressing to phone, video chat and meeting in person fairly soon bc the mind is great at filling in blanks. Or at least mine is lol.

  13. Nothing is certain until you’ve been on a few dates and gotten physical, and even then you can get ghosted quickly. It’s hard to believe now, but I was lonelier and more desperate last year and I would start to build up big ideas of a girl very quickly if we were talking for a few days. Now I basically assume it’s not going to work out, low expectations are a good thing.

    Also I personally think Tinder is really bad, Hinge and Bumble are better. And try to meet the person as quickly as possible, the way people text and talk in person can be drastically different, so it’s good to not build up some online relationship with someone that wouldn’t happen in real life.

    if you are kind of on the fence, give them another date. There was a girl I wasn’t sure about on the first date, but the second date I really started to like her.

    I’d also say to not compromise on the things you know are important. I simply won’t date someone I’m not physically attracted to, there’s no point in leading someone on who I’ll just end up not continuing with.

    And like most people will attest to, online dating, and dating in general kind of sucks, it’s easy to get discouraged, just keep plugging away, at the end of the day all it takes is one person.

  14. Always assume that whoever you are chatting with is most likely chatting with other people

  16. Don’t spend too long on the app chatting with them. You’ll have an incorrect idea of who they are and might tell them too much information about who you are so as to create a false sense of intimacy.

  17. Get good pictures. Whenever you are doing something interesting IRL, make sure you have people take a picture.

    I went from having no success to having an average amount of success just by improving my pictures. I feel that with even better pictures, I could do even better.

  18. Standard dating advice does not apply to OLD. For example dating timelines. While some women will be into it, don’t invite me to your apartment to “cook for me” for a first, second or even third date. Sure we might end up at his at the end of the third, but starting there? No. It just doesn’t work when meeting as literal strangers.

  20. Research prospective dates. Do a google search. Put their phone number in fb search and google search. If your state has a website that tells you peoples police records, use it. Do reverse image checks. I can not believe how many fake people are scamming on OLD sites for nothing seemingly in particular except to chat and act interested. Or have an abusive police record. If I can’t do a thorough search I usually will not go on a date.

  21. Spend time really working out what you’re looking for and communicate that effectively. It’ll save you and the people you connect with lots of time and energy.

  22. Absolutely do not put all of your eggs into the basket of OLD. Too many people use these apps as the ONLY way to meet new people. Matches can be hella flakey, leading to frustration and resentment on both sides.

    Get out into the world to meet people and establish connections. Don’t expect too much too soon. Your mental health will thank you.

  23. Silence is also an answer.

    Look for green flags, not red flags. Get to know them first.

    Lastly if you never heal from what hurt you, you will bleed on people who didn’t cut you. So make sure you are ready for love…

  24. My older advice would be to take things slow and just have fun. Being an older guy, I just kind of learned from experience to not be so attached to the outcome

  26. Go into OLD with high self esteem. If for whatever reason your self esteem has taken a hit and is lower than optimum do not proceed with OLD. Take time out to work on raising your self esteem. As OLD can seriously damage one’s self esteem due to the nature of rejection bad behaviour and getting your hopes up and dashed. But also do remember people have great success stories from OLD so no reason why you can’t be one of them. Also use OLD as an addition to trying to meet ppl in real life as this is more ideal don’t fall into the trap of only meeting ppl on OLD, stay social, curious and open to IRL meets. Treat OLD like social media and have daily time limits on time spent on the app. Finally pictures are golden on OLD. If you don’t feel comfy posting your profile for review search previous profile review posts here and on the hinge and bumble subs, read the advice including what pictures and prompts work and incorporate that advice when your craft your own profile, keep tweaking your profile until you are seeing some results, and positive responses. X

  27. Trust your gut. If you feel insecure or confused, it is not usually a good sign so don’t wait to seek clarification in case you are worried about appearing needy or clingy. There are simple non-threatening ways to ask for clarity and with the right person that won’t scare them away. If simply asking to clarify your feelings of doubt, insecurity, or confusion scares them off then treat it as a blessing as it could not have happened soon enough.

    Actions and words must align.

    Match their effort and if your needs are not being met, call it a day.

    Consistency and reliability are important characteristics to actively seek out above all else.

  28. Just like real life, love bombs are red flags.. unless you’re just looking for a hookup.

    If you’re a woman, prepare for floodeded messages and unsolicited pics and attention. Don’t get jaded by it, don’t write angry profiles expecting to scare them off – the “bad ones” will never read it anyway, and the “good ones” will read your entire angry profile, think you’re full of baggage, and move on. If you don’t have an intense busy life style, him not responding on a daily basis doesn’t mean he’s not interested. If you do have an intense busy lifestyle, him trying to text you once a day doesn’t make him needy. In no circumstances should you expect or be so attached to be having hourly updates as to what each other are doing. If you’re young and use discord, the fact that he’s playing a game now and didn’t block you from seeing the automatic status update and didn’t see your message when you happen to be free doesn’t mean he’s not putting effort into you. Personal downtime/entertainment is a legitimate use of of their own time.

    If you’re a man, accept that at least half of the like backs are bots. If she randomly repeats her life story every few sentences and can’t remember details about you 3 lines ago, its probably a bot. Some bots are better written than others. Don’t be rude about it because 10% of the time it just might not be a bot, but accept the fact you’ll be dealing with bots trying to get you into NFTs or some other get rich quick scheme or to subscribe to their OF. If she offers almost immediately to “do the deed” without meeting in a public place first, require you to drive to the next town etc. its possibly a scam, there’s plenty of TIFUs/relationship_advice/dating posts about it. Always remember to use the head above your neck to do the thinking, not the one below. Of the remainig non-bot, non-scams, accept that many of them are just window shopping, looking for validation, otherwise non-commital. Don’t waste your time if they’re not investing effort in you. Don’t let your ego get hurt as if you didn’t do something good enough; it has nothing to do with you. Real life isn’t a game where you can keep save/load and expect one of the dialogue options to get what you hoped for exists. Most of the time, that option simply didn’t exist in the first place, just move on.

  29. I keep in mind that I don’t know what they’re thinking or going through. No matter how much it might seem like we connected, it might be over. As such, I keep my expectations in check, maybe hope for the best, and accept whatever comes of it, even if it’s been disappointing news sometimes.

  30. Don’t spend too long chatting on the app – a day is more then then enough then suggest a casual coffee or drink meet-up. People often have completely different vibes (&looks!) IrL

  31. Don’t assume you know anyone over the app. Even if you talk over the course of a while, and find them charming. Even if you have a lot in common. Don’t get attached. It’s just a filter, you have to get the other person in front of you to really know if its a fit.

    So in that same vein, be open. Your perfect match might not be the height, have the profession or education, or look like what you think they might.

  34. As much as possible, don’t take things personally! If someone isn’t interested, it doesn’t mean there is something ‘wrong’ with you, or that you did something ‘wrong’. It just means you’re not compatible.

    Good luck!

  35. Remember that you only see a few of the pieces of the human puzzle who created the profile. Anything else is filled in by your own imagination, hopes, fears, and desires. No matter how clearly you think you can picture the completed puzzle, it isn’t going to reflect (for better or for worse) who you imagine it does.

  36. 41M here. These worked wonders for me:

    – Be yourself. 100%. No games. Text the way you want to. Be honest and up front. Don’t misrepresent yourself in any way. Let them see exactly what they’ll get. Then when you find someone who is very into you, you’ll know it’s the real you they’re into.

    – Know and understand the 5 love languages.

    – Never, ever worry about why someone isn’t interested. Just move on.

    – (especially for guys) Focus a little more on vibe (or the natural dynamic that occurs between 2 people) and think less about your checklist. Bail if you see red flags.

    – Compatibility is a big deal, don’t discount it. You gotta enjoy some amount of the same stuff, and you have to line up on kids/no kids.

    Good luck!

  37. There’s so many pieces of advice I could give you. But if I’m limited to just one piece, I’ll say don’t let it consume you and make you feel less valuable of a person. I’ve actually had a decent amount of success in OLD. However, I’ve gone through some real dark periods when I started to question whether I was worth it, what’s wrong with me, will I ever find anyone, should I just give up. I let it affect my mood and happiness on a daily basis. Don’t attach your self worth to your experiences on the apps. Know that you’re worth it and you’ll find the right person when it’s meant to happen.

  38. Nothing is real until you’ve met in person.

    Edit: ok, one more. For god’s sake men, take better photos of yourself.

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