Hey,
​
A bit of background: never had a serious relationship before (I had no interest; turned out I needed a pandemic to re-evaluate some things.) – and also first time trying online dating since mid-June.
​
I had only one attempt at what was supposed to be something serious, but it ended up rather poorly (I can’t seem to post a link to that ). Took me a few months to get over that -especially as that story unwantedly kept dragging on for another month- and started offline-dating around April by meeting people at cons/events I like to pass my time as well as traditional FOAF-dating. Got a few dates out of both, but either me or them didn’t feel interested enough to pursue a second date – which is perfectly fine. I did notice a bit more of inhibitions on my end; I’m guessing as my mind is more on trying to figure out if they are interesting enough for the long run and also I’m kinda reluctant of getting mixed up in another nasty experience.
​
Mid-June I tried online dating; and got on average one date a week out of it. Same story, up until I met someone a week or two ago. Getting to meet was already quite cumbersome – after matching it took us over two weeks to finally meet (conflicting agendas). We kept in touch for those two weeks – mainly smalltalk and we seemed to be uncannily close on most/ if not all aspects that where brought up (I consider myself the type of person that does not follow mainstream conventions at all, so that is pretty rare). It came to the point that I had already mentally prepared myself for it be another ruse.
​
We had our first date: small hike and drinks and everything went superb; mutual touching and time flied by for the both of us. We kissed, exchanged numbers and she immediately proposed to plan a second date. She also seemed to be a very open communicator, telling a lot of her own experience growing up, not really trying to sugarcoat anything (including some very personal things that I commended her for for telling on a first date to someone who was essentially still half a stranger).
​
The day after I left on a holiday, the day I came back, she left on a holiday to a place I know, I gave her a few tips on what to visit/where to go. Today she just returned and she let me know she was feeling ill and wanted to relax (again, all fine) and asked to reschedule our next date which was supposed to happen coming Friday. Just looking at my schedule it’s going to be at least another week.
​
I do plan on agreeing to rescheduling – I too had weeks not feeling like doing anything, and I can imagine when feeling ill that dating is not on the top of your mind – especially the activity at hand. Though I’d like to bring up having had that previous experience and just ask for honest communication (probably me being paranoid) as in: ‘no one has to date anyone, just say so rather than giving pretext’. I don’t want to bring this up in text as that has a gazillion ways of turning into a sh\*tshow due to misunderstandings/reading things that aren’t there. It is something I’d like to bring up before taking things further into the private sphere.
​
Two questions for those more experienced:
​
Am I reading too much in something as simple as rescheduling?
​
How can I bring up having had such an experience, explain why I find it important to bring up without sounding weird/needy?
​
\*\*TL;DR\*\*
After having a very bad previous experience, am I being too suspicious? And how should I bring that past experience up, and how that made me feel?
3 comments
She’s asked to reschedule. Once. It’s not like it’s a repeated thing. Theres no mixed signals shes been clear about feeling ill. There is nothing to read into there if you’re going to mistrust that straight away you’re not ready for dating
Stop throwing away happiness with both hands. Don’t punish your current girlfriend for the sins of the previous ones. Good luck to you.
Nothing seems sketchy or weird so far. She even asked for a second date and you’re in the process of planning that. That’s a great sign honestly. However none of us can predict the future either so all you can do is wait it out and see how it goes. I wouldn’t over think it.