We’ve been friends for 5 years but we’ve only been together for a month. It’s all going super well, we’re actually progressing relatively fast since we’ve already been sexual partners for 3 years and we know each other pretty well.
The thing is, he really likes to make girls “jealous” and likes to flirt a lot. He finds it hilarious that I would have to bump into his ex (who’s still pretty much into him), and would flirt with girls in front of me trying to get a reaction. Although the ex part makes me uncomfortable, I usually play along and laugh. I don’t have a problem with him being flirty, I know he is loyal and would never take it too far.
He got a job 3 weeks ago and he started flirting with this coworker from the first day. It was funny at first, I even gave him the green light when he asked if he could flirt with her some more (bad move from my part). But now it seems like she’s really falling for him, she’s buying him things and treating him differently, and he’s entertaining it even more now. I tried to communicate my concerns as I feel like it’s going a bit overboard, that he’s on the verge of leading her on and that it can cause issues at work. He just brushed it off, saying he’s just trying to enjoy his time at work. They had a party yesterday, she got really drunk and he let her do a lap dance on him. After the party, she begged him to walk her home and tried to kiss him but he stopped her. He was hesitant and asked me if he should take her home (he was concerned for her safety at this point). She lives too far and he had a shift in a couple of hours so I advised him against it, she had other male coworkers who live next to her. He got home and told me about all of this, and to be honest I feel very uncomfortable about the situation.
I really don’t know what to do. Part of me doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of “being jealous” because I feel like it would only make him push it further, I think this extends beyond just jealousy. But at the same time, I wouldn’t want this situation to escalate. We talked about a similar situation that happened to him before and I told him he was leading the girl on. The term was completely alien to him like he never heard of such a thing. He told me you can’t lead someone on, it’s either you date or you don’t. So I feel like I need a solid approach to discuss this with him.
tl;dr My boyfriend entertains his coworker who started to catch feelings for him. I tried to let him know he’s taking it too far and that it’s inappropriate but he doesn’t seem to think that’s the case. How do I communicate to him that he probably shouldn’t do that?
9 comments
Your boyfriend doesn’t sound like a very kind person.
>He finds it hilarious that I would have to bump into his ex (who’s still pretty much into him), and would flirt with girls in front of me trying to get a reaction
Umm, what? Unless you’re into this as a kink, this seems like a red flag.
>Although the ex part makes me uncomfortable, I usually play along and laugh.
Why do you play along with it if you’re uncomfortable? Have you ever told him that you dont like this?
> that he’s on the verge of leading her on
No. He IS leading her on.
>he let her do a lap dance on him.
Is this an acceptable part of your relationship boundaries?
>I told him he was leading the girl on. The term was completely alien to him like he never heard of such a thing. He told me you can’t lead someone on, it’s either you date or you don’t
Your bf is an AH. I honestly dont understand why you’re working so hard to try to make this work. He’s selfish and doesnt give af about anyone else’s feelings. Ppl are a game to him, including you.
>How do I communicate to him that he probably shouldn’t do that?
*sigh* OP, you already have communicated to him. Thats not the problem. Its that he just. doesnt. care. You’re not going to “fix” him either. You cant help ppl change who have no interest in doing so. He gets off on toying with ppl’s feelings and making you hurt.
He found just the right woman in you. He loves to emotionally cheat, lead his coworker on, leads YOU on, and gives some weird guilt trip about not “letting” him behave like a tramp.
You have become the Ultimate Cool Girlfriend. Snap out of it.
Jesus are you usually this dumb??
Yea sounds like it’s all going super well 🙄
Your boyfriend sounds like a gross creep. Why don’t you think you deserve better?
Why do you even want to be with a guy that needs his ego stroked by so many woman instead of being happy with a loyal partner?
The coworker is a fool for letting herself get hoodwinked my a taken dude but at the same time….he enjoys manipulating women, his own gf included. Not a good person. Not a good choice of partner. It’ll all end in tears if you don’t cut ties now
Tell him that you are done with him. That should wake him up.