I (M20) have a friend “L” (F23) who’ve I known for a little less than a year now. We met through her boyfriend “J” (M24) via Discord channel made by mutual friends. Due to our similar interests, we quickly became friends and played a lot of games with each other.
During our Spring semester of college, she would give me a ride to the mall and we would buy books together. This didn’t happen often, and I’d always be the one to ask to go to these outings; many of times where I’d message her that I’ll meet her outside her class and then we can head off.
For the last couple of weeks, I feel like she’s avoiding me. I don’t know how it lead up to this, as I always buy her things and try to hang out with her. Lately, she doesn’t accept my invitations to hang out, but tries to suggest hanging out as a group with our other friends. I don’t want to, though. I just want to hang out with her. We used to play games every night together, but now L barely comes on to play or when she does, she doesn’t invite me to play with her. I’ve tried getting into the same games she’s been playing lately but still no invite.
I feel frustrated with L. And partially with J. I feel like he is trying to take her away from me when I’m just trying to spend time with her. Should I confront her about the way she’s been acting?
tl;dr: My friend has been avoiding going out with me 1 on 1 and doing any sort of activity with me; I think it’s her boyfriend’s fault and I want to confront her about it.
2 comments
She likely thinks you are trying to monopolize her time.
> I always buy her things and try to hang out with her
That’s probably really dancing a line between ‘friends’ and ‘inappropriate’ as she does have a boyfriend. This is undoubtedly part of this.
> she doesn’t accept my invitations to hang out, but tries to suggest hanging out as a group with our other friends. I don’t want to, though. I just want to hang out with her.
She’s establishing boundaries, it seems. Good for her. She doesn’t want to hang out 1 on 1 as she probably feels you are developing feelings for her (as is everyone else who’s reading this).
> I feel like he is trying to take her away from me when I’m just trying to spend time with her.
He’s her boyfriend. You aren’t.
Basically, she’s establishing a boundary that she felt you were treading on. You are trying to monopolize her time and wedge yourself into her life more than she’s comfortable with.
Do not ‘confront’ her. Frankly, I’d probably apologize for trying to monopolize her time like you have.
*Edit*
OP left out a detail in this account of things that’s in another post they made elsewhere
> For the last couple of months now, I’ve had a crush on her.
You need to stop bothering her, period. She’s engaged. You’re not emotionally mature enough to handle this. You need to get your emotions in check first before trying to maintain the friendship.
Seems pretty clear that you’re coming off as romantically interested in L, and she’s purposely putting distance between the two of you because she doesn’t feel the same and she doesn’t want to upset her boyfriend.
> I always buy her things and try to hang out with her.
You’re not her boyfriend, and this kind of behavior makes her uncomfortable.
>Lately, she doesn’t accept my invitations to hang out, but tries to suggest hanging out as a group with our other friends. I don’t want to, though. I just want to hang out with her.
You’re not her boyfriend, and this kind of behavior makes her uncomfortable.
>I feel frustrated with L. And partially with J. I feel like he is trying to take her away from me when I’m just trying to spend time with her.
You’re not her boyfriend, and this kind of behavior makes her uncomfortable.
Stop creeping on your friend’s girlfriend. She doesn’t reciprocate, and even if you swear you’re not actually interested in her like that, how you’re behaving has been enough to drive her away. She doesn’t want to be the kind of “friend” you want her to be.