My partner (26, M) and I (26, F) have been together since high school. We were each other’s firsts and have been dating for the past 10 years, now we live together and have a wonderful life. When it comes to our sex life it was super intense in the beginning, of course we were each other’s first so we tried many things together but overtime I noticed myself starting to not want to have sex with him. He is not doing anything wrong – he is putting in the effort, tells me how beautiful/sexy I am, his sex drive for me is as high as ever but for me it feels like more of a chore than a pleasurable experience. Every time we do have sex I have to essentially talk myself into it because I want to be a good girlfriend and I even find myself crying after because although I might come/enjoy myself physically emotionally I’m just waiting for it to be over.
And I can see that it’s hurting my partner too being rejected like that when he still very much wants me. We’ve spoken about this but I don’t know how to explain it to him without hurting his feelings..
I’ve been that maybe I became asexual but just like with any sexuality I feel like you don’t just “develop” it you are who you are and I used to want him multiple times a day every day of the week.. and plus I still get horny, I don’t have anyone else in my life who I am interested in but I find myself wanting to fantasize about other people rather than wanting to have sex with him.
At the same time our relationship is perfect otherwise and this is genuinely the only missing piece.. but it’s quite a significant one. We’re only 26 I don’t think either of us would want to be in a sexless relationship this early on..
I just don’t know what to do
2 comments
It might be abput the time yall spice things up and try new things.
I dont think you’ve just turned asexual, its probaply more some sort of boredom. You shpuld both enjoy it.
Communication is key. Talk to him about it.
Have you ever talked about other sexual partners?
I have some experience there and i can give some tipps if you’d like. 😄
You’re correct in that sexualities don’t just develop, but sometimes it takes a while to discover who we are. Getting horny is, however, not an indicator that you’re not asexual. Sexuality = who. Libido = how much. Asexual people can have a high libido same as any other sexuality.
It doesn’t sound like forcing yourself to have sex with him is helping, rather the opposite. If having sex with him when you don’t want to is leaving you in tears, you’re traumatizing yourself by doing this and it will make sex even less appealing.
Is it possible that your libido declined before you started feeling that sex was a chore, which started this cycle of having sex you don’t want and feeling horrible afterwards? New medication or contraceptives that might have caused it? Stress or other concerns that might be eating away in the back of your mind, preventing you from enjoying sex? Are you still attracted to him? Do you orgasm?