What’s your most proud example of standing up for yourself?

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1. After years of gaslighting and abuse, I wrote a letter to my biological father cutting him off. It had taken me awhile to be able to confront him and say what I really felt. I finally reached a point where I wasn’t trying to save our relationship or his feelings. I emailed him and then blocked him. Never felt better.

2. I was in a theme park hotel for 4 nights and visited the theme park on day 2 and when I walked to the exit at the end of the day, I heard 2 teenage boys (probably 16 or 17 years old) making over the top gross slime scraping noises with their throat and spitting it on the ground, they even continued doing that while they walked very close behind me, then another teenage girl heard them and screamed “Cut it out!” twice, then they spit again and I snapped and screamed “ARE YOU GONNA LICK THAT UP?” they laughed and said “lol no” but then they finally quit.

3. i was in a pretty controlling relationship that ended about a month or so ago so to be able to say anything made me proud of who i am but it was to a point where i just couldn’t do it anymore and he had said i was “nothing without him” so i just ended out relationship by saying “and maybe i am nothing without you but i didn’t deserve any of the mean things you said to me because i am a good person” and we haven’t spoken since… his friends still post weird things about me though.

4. When my husband and I were broke as hell sharing one beater car for our two crappy retail jobs that were on fully opposing schedules, he totaled the car, so I couldn’t make my 4am shifts because there was literally no public transportation until 6. My manager told me I was not allowed to change my availability and was just coming down on me so hard (like it was my fault – I didn’t jack up the car, damnit). I knew very well that our union contract strongly specified that we were allowed to restrict our availability at any time for any reason. I told the manager I was going to talk to the union rep, and he immediately said “I never said you can’t change your availability. Don’t lie. Why do you lie so much?”. Nice try… I did contact the union rep, and between that and a variety of other incidents, the manager was sent to another store (which in grocery for some reason means the beginning of the end). I was incredibly meek all through childhood and young adulthood, and I credit this asshole manager with a great deal of my highly necessary personal growth.

   To my husband’s credit, one year later he got a *super good job*, and my job slinging corn dogs was barely even worth the transportation, so I quit, and when I put in my notice the new manager (also an asshole) said “No, you can’t quit”. And I got to laugh right in front of him and half-ass my work for the next two weeks before riding gloriously off into the sunset to have some adorable kids and call the shots over my own life. It felt so good to not need that job and treat all the manager’s bullshit as a joke.

   I also have an incredibly lousy aunt I was raised to think I owed something to because she’s family, and now I openly dislike her and gleefully avoid her at every opportunity.

5. I actually have a few:

   I told one of my bullies to keep her hands off me after she whacked me with a ruler.

   I slammed a kid who tripped me against a wall and threatened him

   I told my roommate that she had no right to yell at me when I asked her to stop touching my stuff and if she had a problem just tell me like an adult

   I told a creepy guy to get his hands off me after he put his hand on my knee

6. I used to cower when my abusive ex husband beat me and verbally lambasted me. He had me so extremely brainwashed and scared. So one day when he began wailing on me I finally found the courage and picked up one of those stick vacuums, rared back, and cracked him over the top of his head with it as hard as I possibly could. Immediately he had a face full of blood and it sent him winding. He left and we divorced.

7. I have a few. I used to let people walk all over me while I would just bottle in anger. Not anymore. I’ll share a few with little detail to keep it short. Forgive me for formatting, I’m on mobile.

   1.) A few years ago I had a guy tell me he would put me through a wall with his fist up. I had jumped in to defend another woman. I stepped toward him a few times while he backed up and said “fuckin’ do it then.” He was so taken aback he punched the wall, put a hole in it, and cried. I walked away.
   2.) After years of my mom relying on me too much and me waiting on her hand and foot emotionally, with no thank you and cruel words thrown my way on a weekly basis (like everything taken out on me like I was her husband) I blocked her number for a month. When I unblocked her she went off. I lost my cool and was very candid and told her I wouldn’t and couldn’t do this anymore and I wasn’t my father. I told her I was here for her but she was walking on thin ice with me for several reasons I won’t detail. I met up with her and set boundaries. Took me a while, took her crossing some several times, but I stuck to them mostly and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

   But the biggest, my #4, was after time had passed (2 years after break up) leaving my incredibly abusive ex boyfriend from high school and I requested he meet up with me. I went with two friends who knew him and they sat in the living room for safety. I took him outside of his house, sat on the patio, and laid out to him to his face every little thing he ever did to me the almost two years we were together and in graphic detail told him how it had impacted me both then and since. I gave him the nitty gritty of how I struggled day to day even a few years later, but how I was making it and doing my very best. He ended up crying and apologized profusely. Also asked if I’d give him another chance because he was a changed man after how he hurt me LOL. I told him I didn’t need an apology, but I needed him to never do it to another girl again. He swore up and down. And I told him if he ever tried to contact me again I’d take him for everything he’s worth. I was only 18 at the time and he was 22. I was a year out of high school when we met up again. I know I’m saying high school boyfriend, but this guy was the devil, and he knew it, and finally getting to tell him everything all at once was such a badass moment for me.