My girlfriend thinks I should text her goodnight every night?

44 comments

1. LOL I literally cannot think of a smaller inconvenience than texting someone goodnight. It takes literally 5 seconds. Just do it.

2. If it’s that big a drag just have a macro send her a good night text at a specific time every night.

3. There’s zero harm + some advantage in saying goodnight routinely (which is literally a couple of seconds) but there IS harm in not doing so. without sounding selfish and honestly just weird it’s impossible to argue that your partner’s desire to not feel ingored is worth less than 10 seconds of moving your thumbs around before bed. just send the text

4. I think if she feels like she is left hanging, then she’s the problem. Texting is not supposed to be an immediate response tool. You reply to it when you get to it, which happens to be when you wake up. If she really needs a response, she should wait or some other emergency in the middle of the night contact method.

   Texting her right before you go to bed is an annoying ask. Asking to text sometime in the evening or night, but any time, is better. Like good morning texts, they don’t have to be immediately when your eyes open in the morning. Perhaps tell her that you usually go to bed at 10 and can text her good night around that time, but you don’t want to make it the last thing you do because it feels micromanaging.

5. It’s a cutesy thing that comes with dating. Just do it. Save yourself some grief

6. Just text her goodnight. It’s not like it takes long. It shows that you care, you can go to bed not worrying that she’ll be pissed +, she can go to bed not worrying over why you didn’t say goodnight.

7. My boyfriend would always do this until we moved in together! Whats the big deal

8. I would be so happy if my bf texts me good night every day so just do it 🥰

9. Do you have an iPhone or a phone with an AI assistant?

   Should be able to set up an automated text at night that says something like “sleep well and sweet dreams”.

   I wouldn’t do that for the morning text.

10. So text her goodnight every night? How hard is it?

11. Man, sending a goodnight text is “inconvenient”??? Your poor girlfriend should dump you now to avoid having a partner who won’t make an effort for her. It literally takes 2 seconds to send a text…

12. It takes 3 seconds to send a good night text, dude….

13. It’s inconvenient to take ten seconds to text good night???

    Wow. I would think texting two words would actually be the minimal amount of inconvenience.

    I would also think a guy looking for a minimal amount of inconvenience regarding a text is not worth my time. Particularly if we had been dating for six months.

14. If it’s too inconvenient to spend the 5 seconds it takes to type “I’m gonna go to bed, goodnight”, then she deserves someone who has that enormous amount of time to spare on her. It’s clear you don’t.

15. me and my boyfriend always text each other good night and good morning texts, most couples do. I don’t get the big deal, or why you’re even overthinking this…

16. Part of being in a relationship is compromising every now and then. I’m sure you can sacrifice 5 seconds to type out good night then hit send. At least, if the relationship means something to you.

17. I think that if you really like someone, you should want to wish them goodnight every evening, but that’s just my opinion.

18. Uhh…why don’t you?

19. I feel like a 41 year old should be able to understand that you’re in the habit of going to bed early and aren’t ignoring her if she texts you late at night. I agree it’s a sign of insecurity. But, we all have our things.

    Texting goodnight is just a minor thing you can do to make her happy so why not? She was polite and reasonable when she asked you to do it. It only takes a minute.

20. 33F here….I do not need those texts. I will be texting and then fall asleep before I’m ready to say good night. I also don’t like texting back and forth too much. Sometimes I fall asleep watching law and order and not worried about a goodnight text because I’ll talk to him tomorrow.

    It’s not a big deal to text someone goodnight but to get mad about it is. It took me maturing to learn we all don’t have the same communication habits.

21. In the time it took you to write this message you could have text her goodnight 56 times lol!!
    It’s not a lot of work especially for something you tend to do anyway. It’s considerate and you’ll get brownie points. Why not.

22. That’s too much. If you were 16, yeah, it’s cute, and you’ll both get tired of it after a while. But you are 33 and she’s 41, and that’s weird. It’s really weird. This is obsessive behavior in my opinion. I wonder how she’ll react if you forget, or if you fall asleep on the couch without notifying her.

    Everyone is saying it’s easy, just do it. But once you agree to it, there will be penalties if you make a mistake. Don’t commit to doing it.

    I would tell her that if I think about it, I’ll text you good night. But I won’t promise anything, and I don’t want you to wake me up because I didn’t text you.

23. Isn’t texting goodnight every day normal?

24. I would find it inconvenient.

    Sometimes I get ready for bed but I am doing things on my phone and computer or reading and I don’t know when I will choose to go to sleep or accidentally go to sleep. So if I text goodnight, what if I decide that I want to keep reading and end up staying awake for 2 more hours?

    Then I get in trouble for texting goodnight but still being available and posting on Reddit.

    Or if I don’t text good nights what if I fall asleep. Then I when I wake up 3 hours later and turn off the light I have to check my phone and see that she contacted me and then I text goodnight without replying? I don’t want to text while just turning off the light. I don’t want to be sleepy and text a full on explanation. It might wake me up so much that then I don’t get back to sleep.

25. If you can’t spend 5 seconds each night to text your girlfriend goodnight, you shouldn’t be in a relationship. That is such a minimal effort thing that I can’t imagine you being very good to her if you think that is an inconvenience.

26. >I shudder at the idea of having to do this

    You don’t *have* to, she has asked you to, because it provides her reassurance. That’s how relationships work – someone asks for something and the other person decides if they will lean in or lean out.

    >I feel inconvenienced by the thought of doing this every night

    That’s your right, but understand that you are choosing your own convenience so that you don’t have to send a good night text over your girlfriend’s feelings. You may think her feelings are overreacting but she feels how she feels. You could provide her comfort but you’re saying it’s not worth it to you.

    >What do you think constitutes rational behaviour in this regard?

    Many have said that they feel her ask is rational – a good night text is romantic and an easy way to strengthen a relationship. Some have said they think it’s irrational. At the end of the day, does it matter?

    Relationships only work *because* we inconvenience ourselves to build confidence, trust, and security in each other. Small gestures like this over time is what makes them strong.

27. I like to text someone I am dating good morning and good night, and I like to receive those texts. I am married to a man who I have been with for almost three years, who I live with, and with whom I now work (though I work from home and he goes into the office). We STILL message each other good morning when he wakes up and goes off to work before I wake up. It’s just nice.

    I don’t know if I would ever say I NEEDED it or would have requested it, but it was nice to know when I was texting back and forth when the conversation was over for the day so I could set aside my phone and do my thing. I will say, in terms of rational behavior, I always find that in a relationship if you’re lucky enough to have a partner who communicates the things which are meaningful to them or which bother them, and there are tiny zero-stakes things you can do to make them feel seen and heard in your relationship, it would be completely IRRATIONAL to make the decision based on “I don’t think I HAVE to,” There are a lot of things you don’t HAVE to do in relationships, and doing them for each other because you want the other person to feel appreciated, and comfortable and listened to are what builds the foundation of a good relationship. If you’re out there making decisions based on what you are going to be forced/required to do for a partner, you should get used to a lot of short term relationships where you don’t understand why they keep leaving you when you did everything you “had” to do.

28. Text her goodnight lol wtf

29. If it’s an inconvenience to text her nightly and this is something she needs maybe you should let her find someone more compatible with her needs?

    Not everyone you meet is the person for you.

    If you moved in together, would you not tell her goodnight every single night? Just curious.

30. You know what you could do… There’s this feature that iPhones have where you can set up messages to go out to specific people at certain times. So set one up and have it text her “Good night” every night

31. as a girl, my bf used to text me goodnight and goodmorning every day and let me tell you it became suffocating. i m going to side with you on this one. i always thought it was dumb to say these things everyday.

32. You know if you get to the point where you are living together or married. You’ll be saying good night every night to her. It’s just something that goes along with loving and caring for each other.

    My wife and I have been married for 32 years and pretty much every day she asks “do you still love me?” And I answer “yes, I still love you.” Now, she really doesn’t need to ask the question but she likes the reinforcement, to hear the words out loud. Your GF wants to know that she’s the last thing you think of before bed. Makes her feel good. Those kind of things are the cement that holds together relationships. Just make her happy.

33. She’s politely told you the communication she needs from you in this relationship, and expressed a need. Not sure why your making a massive deal out of it? Would you prefer she said nothing and continued to let it fester into resentment?

34. Why is it so difficult to just let her know you’re heading to bed lmao

35. Someone said she is being controlling…. how? Tracking? Lmao dude could just lie about sleeping. It’s something so small that you don’t even have to say goodnight even better would be that I’m going to be soon. Then she knows if you disappear you fell asleep. Someone said this is highschool shit, no it isn’t. Countless stories and relationships have something like this. Even in the comments there a way more comments saying goodnight text is normal compared to the miniscule amount of people saying it is controlling

36. GOOOOOOOD LORD

    Nobody here is really seeing the big picture.

    OP, the issue is not about the *text* and it’s certainly not about control.

    This is a small but extremely important step in the “puppy dog” phase that makes a big impact. 6 months is still considered a pretty new relationship. Also if you’ve made it a habit to tell her good night then deviating from that *does* mean something. It means that you’re not thinking of her and the affection and feelings are waning already. (At least her I’m sure that’s what she’s afraid is the case) Worst case scenario, you’re going to bed with another woman and she’s not on your mind at all, which is a very valid fear, even at 6 mo. Even if you’ve never cheated on her, at her age, I’m sure she’s been cheated on and is afraid of it happening again.
    Also it takes about a year, sometimes more to TRULY get to know someone so don’t get upset if she has a little doubt when your behavior changes AND you get upset at her when she makes a bid for connection/asks for love.

    Why do we do it in the first place? Because right before we go to bed we are thinking of our S/O fondly and we want to send a little love before checking out at night, then when we wake up we it’s the same thing.

    She’s asking for you to show love. It’s a bid for connection, not her trying to control you or make demands.

37. Stop being a twat and just text her, it isn’t hard it takes five seconds and it just sounds like your being a bitch, if you can’t text your girlfriend once a night just for the satisfaction of knowing it makes her happy then you shouldn’t be in a relationship

38. Also you she’s not telling you that you HAVE to do anything. That’s on you to decide what you do. You have choice.

    Text her and she will feel loved.
    Don’t text her and she will feel hurt.

    In all honesty I think you freaking out over this would be a red flag to me because it’s such a small request and you’re making it seem like she’s making an unreasonable demand.
    Your perspective of this issue is totally skewed and you aren’t trying to understand her point of view and reasoning at all. You’re just assuming she’s trying to control you.

    ugh reminds me of a narcissistic ex.

39. A text message literally takes less than 30 seconds. There’s BARELY ANY effort involved on your part. I’m sure she does lots of things for you that she deems “inconvenient.” You’re in a relationship, there’s give an take and this request is so monumentally small, get over yourself and just do it.

40. Uhh you are way overthinking this. She’s not trying to be nosey about when you’re going to sleep… it’s common courtesy in a relationship. Let’s say you lived together.. would you just go to your room and not say goodnight to her in person?

    I’ve been with my dude 12 years and we still text Goodnight (he works nights)

    It just shows you care and it’s a good way to end the day. No one is promised another day on this earth.

41. Everyone in here:

    “Lol what’s the big deal”

    “Get over it”

    “It takes 2 seconds”

    So I’ll refrain from that garbage.

    For the last 6 years of my life I have been working in industries that require manual labor. By the time I get home, feed my kids, and put them to bed my phone isn’t even on my mind. It’s usually sitting on a charger next to my bed or in the living room.

    I understand that when you have a full plate of responsibility sometimes the last thing on your mind is your phone. Even if you’re in a relationship (unless you’re living together) it’s just not always your last thought, so I see where you come from.

    That being said, on the other side of the coin, I can see how a text isn’t that hard to send. What I recommend is just shooting her a text when the thought is in your head.

    Let’s say it’s 915pm and you’re about to shower. Just shoot her a text “hey I’m gonna shower if I don’t reply back I’m probably asleep, have a good night.”

    That’s about the least you can do and it’s easier in that moment than trying to remember when you’re dead tired.

    Ignore all these short sighted morons who are commenting “lol just do it bro it’s easy” cause that’s not remotely constructive commentary.

42. Honestly, I would want you to say goodnight so I DON’T text you after you’ve gone to sleep. I would feel horrible if I woke you up.

43. You may talk to her that you are not that kind who says goodnight everyday. But since you want to meet her needs, you will try to do this. Until you get used to it. But it does not mean that you will be consistent. In reality, you might forget, or might get irritated. But what’s important is that you are trying.

    Also assure her that you not responding means you are ignoring her or not caring. It is just you, sleeping.

    She seems like a very sweet person, wanting this simple gesture. She deserves someone who tries to meet her.

44. Every night me and girlfriend send each other at least a 10 line paragraph text saying goodnight.
    We have been together for over 3 years, it’s worth it, feeling loved every night as we fall asleep, it actually helps with long distance too