So my friend of 15 years (30) has recently announced that she will be marrying her foreign boyfriend(35) in November. They have been dating for one month, mostly long distance. He is a very religious man and in his religion there is no “dating” phase. There is only marriage. She met him while on vacation and they immediately hit it off and became best friends. They share a lot of the same values, surprisingly. He has a good job. I told her that I am very excited for her and support her but I don’t know if my positive response was too hasty. I want her to be safe. And I don’t want her to make any mistakes. Are there any people on here that had a fast marriage? How did it go?
Also, I think it’s important to say that he can not be marrying her for citizenship, as she is not a citizen of America and only has citizenship in the country she met him in on vacation.
4 comments
Is not your decision either way. Your role as a friend is to support her and be there for her if she ends up needing anything, but its not your role to step in and “protect” her.
Your friend doesn’t sound like the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Ask her how can she hope to have enough knowledge of this man to be able to love him, never mind make an informed decision to marry.
You can tell her about your concerns once. Do it gently. Let her know you love her and you worry about her. Touch on the things that bother you. Tell her you’ll support her no matter what she does, then do just that. Good luck.
My religion also is one where a lot of people think there is no dating phase, but there is one, albeit different than the western conception of it. It’s regulated by “strict” rules (again by western standards) but you should definitely get to know the person until you’re absolutely sure there is compatibility in all important aspects. My parents had what you would call a “hasty” engagement and they have been happily married for 33 years. Same goes for a lot of couple in my circle, together (happily!!) for decades while they got engaged a few months into the relationship.
I don’t think there is anything wrong in telling her to be careful and to get to know him in the proper ways his religion allows (if it’s the same as me, there are a lot of ways. The only thing strictly prohibited is being physical before marriage). You can tell her that without disrespecting her intelligence and his religion, especially if you say it out of love and concern. Remember that your thinking framework is not the same as his or hers, and that’s okay. If it works for the both of them, you then have no say in the matter. Just make sure she is not getting into something she cannot handle.
Best of luck to her and I hope you find she made a great decision in marrying that man.