I (21f) live with a few different people, and one of the guys (24m) has expressed to me a few times that he is attracted to me and wants to sleep with me. The feeling is mutual, and the sexual tension is very high, however when we were about to do it, I told him I think I’d feel weird if we had sex and then if in the future I’d hear him bringing home other girls. So he said we probably shouldn’t do it then, and that was that. He didn’t really understand my point of view though, and I asked him if he would feel weird if I was bringing home other guys after we had slept together, and he paused and said “no, not really”.
Since this conversation, he has started bringing home girls suddenly. I’m sure he isn’t doing it to intentionally get to me and it’s not like we actually ended up doing it… but it still stings a bit.
I know he clearly doesn’t have very deep feelings for me, but is this a common mindset? Am I being over-sensitive? Would you not feel anything at all overhearing someone you’re attracted to having sex with someone else? What would be going through your mind?
5 comments
You had your chance and passed
You feeling this way is valid and understandable in the given situation. I think he is doing it intentionally in hopes that you’ll get jealous because he probably does have at least some feelings for you. He probably feels rejected and is trying to lessen the sting by bringing other girls home and in the case you do the same, he doesn’t have to feel as bad.
That was likely a friends with benefits offer, not and exclusive romantic relationship. There is a world of difference in the social expectations. It would be wildly inappropriate for a FWB to be possessive and jealous.
Based on your feelings of being stung, it sounds like you are possibly not cut out for casual relationships like an FWB. You would need to work on those insecurities and jealousy issues in order to not make casual relationships pretty toxic.
It is also possible that he is poly. That would mean that even if he was in a romantic relationship with you, he still wouldn’t care about other people sleeping with you.
Not everyone wants to be possessive of their sexual partner. It isn’t the most common, but it isn’t exactly rare either. Mainstream culture paints crazy possessiveness as romantic and desirable, and really it is just toxic behavior that causes drama.
It is very simple: if a boundary is set then that is the boundary. If something is agreed upon then that is agreed upon. If two people are casually sleeping together, then unless otherwise agreed upon, why should it be an issue that they sleep with other people? No trust is being broken, in fact it would be the perfect situation, you are both free to do what you please but also have each other to enjoy, plus you know you can bring people home and know you’ve got each others backs. Honestly sounds like a dream.
I think he just isn’t the right guy for you, like some people can only have sex with someone if they are into them maybe you are that person and he’s not
And if he’s gonna bring girls over to make you jealous then it’s kind of a dick move imo
You can find someone better