I’m in high school and have realized a pattern in many of my somewhat closer friendships. Usually we’ll be fine and, well, be normal friends lol. But after a while I end up getting incredibly annoyed/angry by parts of their personality.
This is would a different story if they were doing something small like tapping a pen on a desk. Id simply ask them to stop or compromise or something to the same effect. But, I’ll start hating the way that they eat food, the way that they smile, etc. OBVIOUSLY i can’t ask them to stop doing something like that (that would be so rude).
So, these little annoyances of their personality start building up and then i just downright hate spending time with the friend. I know this isn’t the friend’s fault either; this is totally on me. I don’t know why this keeps happening, please help.
15 comments
I’m not sure you are going to find the specific help that you need, here.
Maybe think about wha draws you to be their friend in the first place. Is it based on a perception that you gave the friendship?
This is something I’ve struggled with on and off across my life with various friends. I haven’t experienced this nearly as much in my adulthood as I did when I when I was a child/teen, so I think part of it is age related. I can’t speak to your specific experience but something that I noticed was a lot of the people I experienced this with were at a much different place than I was in their maturity or interests, which will level out more as you age.
For more “in the now” advice, I’d recommend taking breaks from friends when you’re experiencing this. I used to try and push through the feelings and they ended up getting worse, but now I’ve learned to take some time away (which admittedly is far easier in adulthood than it is in school-ages). If you have a school counselor or social worker at your school you could meet with them and see if there’s any more personal guidance they can give you, as they’re actually able to see you in person and may know the people you’re experiencing this with enough to give you some insight.
Overall, for me it was an age thing but I wish I had understood the limits I needed to set with myself and others to make school more tolerable. When you’re in school is is MUCH easier to make new friends and find people with more closely aligned interests so I would take advantage of that while you have it. Some people just don’t “click” and there’s no way to force that to work.
I’m the same way I want more friends but literal everyone annoys me. Maybe it’s depression I don’t know
Try taking some shrooms and focus on love and this issue from my experience dealing with your problems on shrooms is like taking 10 years of therapy with a definite answer sounds complicated and I’m not sure people are going to figure this out seems like you need to figure it out
It’s most likely because you don’t like similar attributes about yourself. You see your friends as an extension of your identity and you are insecure about having friends that reflect poorly on you from the public eye.
The solution is likely to detach your self worth with the people you associate with. You are not your friends.
Interesting! I’ve experienced this too. Taking breaks and not spending too much time with anyone definitely helps. I enjoy my solitude and when I’ve allowed people to cross my boundaries or when I say yes to things I don’t really want to do, the friendship will burn out fast.
I’m probably over a decade older than you. It took me a long time to realize this about myself. Now I manage friendships by seeing people on a more casual basis. Instead of spending an entire day with someone, I will have lunch with the clause that I have something else to do after. People who actually care for you will totally understand not spending tons of time together.
Maybe it’s an introvert thing?
They’re not fulfilling some need of yours so you start nitpicking as your resentment grows.
Child….you need therapy!…..you don’t hate them! You are getting triggered by them and you need to go and figure out why that is happening.!
Its a pattern that you need to figure out!
Misophonia?
1. You are self conscious And it is easier to judge other than it is to work on yourself.
2. You are focusing on the things you don’t like because you are afraid of them getting close to you not liking you because of low self esteem.
Solution:
1. Start working on yourself and really do some self reflecting on the things in your character that are driving this behavior.
2. Ignore the annoying things and focus on the positive- allow your friends to get close and help you be a better you.
True friendships end up with an almost unconditional love, the kind you’d have for a family member. This sounds like you’ve not built that level of connection with someone and therefore are unable to ignore/be blinded to the little things they do. Obviously just because you have that at one point doesn’t mean it can’t disappear down the line.
i guess you just need to learn to accept peoples differences ? no one’s gonna fit your image of a perfect friend and i can speak from experience bc i also seek that perfect friend. most people have certain qualities i don’t like but as long as they have a few i do like, and it outweighs the bad, it’s worth it. hope this helps :/
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Hi! 🙂
I too have no idea what this is! However I do the same thing and have a therapist 😀
As much as I can figure, for me it’s an anxiety thing. When I’m in that anxious State of mind, there is this need for control. This extends to my environment, grade, job performance and yes, my friendships. It’s almost like being a perfectionist except when I entered a negative period of my life it was still present. The standard was still there, except I was constantly hating myself for not being able to meet it myself.
It really didn’t give me much trouble in my life until my positive outlook turned into a negative one (abusive relationship; long story). Anywho, it was nice to know because I always had certain compulsions to have things a certain way and it brought a lot of stress into my life internally, even when everything externally in my life was beautiful I was suffering in my mind :).
I haven’t quite reached my destination, but I think it’s more about the process of realizing things can be different :). I had no idea that other people just…. Didn’t have these thought 🙂 it pushed me to be an overachiever in my youth but as an adult I recognize that my mental health is paramount. I have less negative pressure to achieve but nowadays I’m also more loving and peaceful and idk bro it’s so worth it, start exploring!