I met a girl online and took her out on a date. We had a great time and agreed to a second date. What she doesn’t know is that we have mutual friends, but I didn’t share this information because I thought it might make things awkward, and it would let us focus the conversation on each other instead.
But now I plan to tell her and I’m afraid if I say I purposely withheld this information, it might make me look deceitful a bit? But truly, I just wanted to not complicate things but clearly I made things a bit more complicated, lol.
How should I proceed?
p.s. I understand that this might seem childish as well, but I didn’t think I would really feel this embarassed about it.
EDIT: Thanks for the responses. FYI She did mention my friends names because she thought I might know them because we are from the same city but I kind of shrugged it off. Not sure if that is helpful context.
17 comments
I think you might be overthinking it. You didn’t withhold anything in my opinion. It’s not like you’re pretending to be someone you’re not. It was just a first date. If you want to bring it up I would just say something like “hey I think we might have some mutual friends. What a coincidence.”
uhhh..what’s the issue here? sounds like youre making a problem out of nothing, and so now you’re in an awkward position because you were afraid of making things awkward. See what happened there?
Just relax and stop censoring yourself.
Just dont make it awkward or say that you withheld the information. I’ve been on a few dates now with different girls in which I found out we had mutual friends. The conversation was just natural, like hey so you do this and that, do you happen to know so and so?
Just don’t make it a bigger deal than it needs to be.
“so, like, last time you mentioned x, y and z, I should probably mention that I’ve known them since childhood, yet was sufficiently surprised I couldn’t actually bring that up at the time. Also, that means we’re in trouble because they will want all the gossip.”
If you’re from the same area, it’s pretty normal to have some cross over. Don’t stress. You’re not withholding information nor are they because you two didn’t do a compare and contrast list of mutual friends. There is time for that later, probably. Let it be, if it comes up organically then mention you know them too.
I grew up in the sub arctic. Went to Disney and was on a bus, they called out where is everyone from to kill time—I’m assuming?! I say Canada. Some lady turns and asks me if I know her nephew. Yeah, cause Canada. Sure as shit, I did. She lived in the USA. Had met him twice. He was in my sisters class and my brother was dating her nephews half sister. Small world. Lady didn’t even know what he looked like only where he lived and his name/mum’s name. It was weeeird. If you meet a bunch of people, and other people do too, they’re will always be some cross over by the time you’re 30, be it work, friends, dating.
I’d just wait to see how you two get along. It’s not a big deal…. I’d not think .
It’s not a big deal and I would focus on the more important question on whether you like her or not. The mutual friends thing can come up later or any point and you can just casually mention it like you just remembered or just found out. I can’t think of many reasons why she would find it to be a negative, having mutuals with someone is not something that has really hindered developing a connection for me – unless it’s something like finding out you’re related or close friends with an ex or ex of a friend etc.
First, you’re overthinking. How not talking about that might impact anything?
Second, how do you know that? Stalked her on facebook/instagram? Yes, then disclosing it might be weird.
Third, taking in account the second condition is not true (you didn’t stalk her) and if you really need to bring it up say something like this “Oh, by the way, we had such a great time last time we met, that even forgot to ask you about how do you know John and Jane, because we both seem to know them”
You don’t need to say anything, it’s irrelevant.
You’re overthinking it. I matched with a girl I went to high school with but never cross paths.
I knew her face before we matched but that’s it. So I just asked, where did you go to high school? Oh me too! No wonder your face is familiar. She also somewhat recognized me.
We didn’t know each other. I just naturally introduced our connection. I didn’t make it creepy or over think it.
You’re making a mountain out of a mole hill
You could just say you mentioned you were going on a date to one of said mutual friends and mutual friend realised he/she knew her…
Trust me, she already knows.
Most women do a bit of internet sleuthing when they are meeting up with someone.
Here is what you do. You go on a second date. You are eating dinner or hiking or tying her up with ropes or whatever it is that you agreed to do for your second date. At a good moment for conversation, after you’ve complimented her and she’s complimented you, and you’ve said some nice pleasant things, you just bring it up.
It’s easy. Repeat after me:
“So, it turns out we know some people in common.”
Start out with that. Then the rest will follow.
It is super easy. No need to think about it beyond that. If she asks why you didn’t mention it earlier, a) you’ve only been on 1 other date, ffs; and also b) just tell her you wanted to double check before bringing it up.
You’re way overthinking this. Not talking about possibly having mutual friends isn’t withholding information. It just didn’t come up in conversation. If you keep seeing each other you will eventually all get together but making a huge deal about it early on could put some unnecessary pressure on her.
I dated a girl for a little bit that put a lot of emphasis on that we had 2 mutual FB friends mostly bc she moved around a lot and across the country for 8 years and just moved back and she didn’t know many people in our area anymore. I did think it was a little weird that she was really pushing that we had to hangout with them. Later I found out she was just really excited to potentially hangout with people she knows as opposed to me introducing her to everyone. She also made a big deal about knowing how I met everyone I knew. It was a little hard for her to understand that I didn’t always remember bc Im pretty social and lived in the same city my whole life so naturally I’m going to know a lot of people.
She mentioned their names and you didn’t say that you knew them? Umm, that’s a lie of omission and she might have reservations about that. I would. What was the reason you didn’t say something right then? That’ll be important, bc you’re going to have to explain this one.
Yes she might have been more onto you if you had said yeah I know them too! Now you made it seem like you were withholding info. Just confess.
How did u figure out u had mutual friends?
And how close are u both…. to those friends lol
I would ask those friends about her to find out what shes like… see if they have good things to say about her.
And maybe down the line u can bring it up…”like … I think we might know some of the same ppl…. ” or if she mentions a person in particular… u could be like oh, is their last name such…I think I know them.
It won’t be weird I don’t think. ** It’s a small world**