My family, who I (23f) currently live with, is moving to another state with more affordable housing, job opportunities in my career field, and a stable plan that allows for me and my sibling to move in together under a lease separate from my parents. I am graduating college in just a few days and have lived in the same town my whole life.
Moving with them sort of seems like a step toward independence but, ultimately it would still be with their help and support. Which I am thankful for more than words can describe but, simultaneously feel guilty that I am not completely independent.
The house I’ve lived in practically my whole life is selling starting next month, so I have about a month before the expected move date.
I have a boyfriend (29m) of six months who has some issues, he’s currently in rehab, but I love him desperately. He believes that we can move in together, in the town I have lived my whole life in. The city has a pretty bad housing crisis. I’ve never lived on my own, and as of right now pretty broke. I have a job that doesn’t pay much and a car. I just don’t think it’s feasible and my parents have also expressed that to me. I have no renters history, nor credit history.
My boyfriend doesn’t offer much in the way of stability, he has no job or car ATM but, he’s lived on his own before. I very much want it to work. I see myself with him in the future. He’s smart, resourceful, and he’s a genuinely good person although he has a bit of a checkered past. I don’t know if a month is enough time to scrap together first, last, and security. He’s given me very loose outlines of plans and nothing really concrete, but he’s also going though his own shit so I get it. I’ve tried to explain my anxieties but he thinks that I just don’t trust him. I want to be supportive of his positive changes, I want to live with him. I just don’t see how we would make it work.
TL;DR: Both have basically given me an ultimatum, my boyfriend wants me to commit to him 100% find a full time job locally and get an apartment together. Meanwhile, my family wants me to sign a year lease on the house in a different state and commit to living with them.
My family doesn’t think he’s stable enough to move up there, I’m inclined to agree. So, part of me thinks that as his partner I should stay and make it work. The other thinks that moving is the better opportunity, I can find a career in my field, explore a new place, and still have a support system if I fail. I feel torn in half.
Please comment, I really need advice.
2 comments
I think you should go with your family! The trust argument is pointless, you could as well say he should trust you continue to want to be with him while still taking that clearly excellent opportunity to become independent and get ahead financially. He should want that for you.
So here the facts:
– you know him for one season
– he is trouble
– he has an addiction problem
– when you stay there, you have no family when times get tough and they will get tough because see above.
So, if you still thinks that this is a good idea, you can’t be helped.