I don’t even know where to begin with this. Using throwaway so she won’t know it’s me.

About one or two months ago my friend/SIL (I knew her before my partner) told me and my partner she had a boyfriend. We were happy for her, seeing as she’s been having some troubles making “good” choices of partners before. Her love life is littered with drama, older people, people still intertwined with their previous partners, etc. Me and my partner thought that maybe this time it would be different. Then we asked for a photo of the lucky man and lo and behold he’s way older and has at least one child.

We didn’t know how much older, and I thought that it was best to just leave it alone. Previously she has not wanted to include me in her love life and that has been fine with me. The issue is she has started to really push me meeting this man, and I just had a bad feeling. I knew nothing apart from his name and that he was older with kids, but I hadn’t done my research properly on him.

Well, I decided to do some internet sleuthing. Turns out he’s 42, married, lives with his wife, and owns a bunch of businesses. I did some digging on the businesses and was surprised to find out there’s several forums talking about how they’re these huge scams. I’m not well versed in business/investor lingo but it was very clear that something shady was going on. There’s official statements from banks saying not to invest in his current business as well as a whole story about one of his old ones. He seems to be a professional scammer.

It wasn’t hard to figure out that he has a lot of disposable income, whether that means he is massively in debt or not I do not know of course, but he spends a lot of money on SIL. He took her abroad and paid for everything, he takes her on these lavish dates, buys her jewellery etc.

I’m not sure where to go from here tbh, I do not want to meet this man. Past experiences leaves me wary of men who go for younger women in general and especially so if they’re spending a lot of money on those younger women. It just seems so clear to me that he’s using her somehow. It’s getting progressively more difficult to ward off her attempts at getting me to meet this man and I can’t keep coming up with excuses.

I can’t emphasize enough about how shady he is. I found forums where he commented (he has an unusual name that was signed) in Russian as well as Chinese about encryption keys for communicating online without being discovered. It’s all giving me such bad feelings. I think he may even be a criminal.

How do I tell her I don’t approve of this latest escapade of hers, or do I not tell her at all? How do I tell her I don’t want to meet him? Should I show her all that I found online about him, maybe she doesn’t know? Should I not tell her at all because maybe she *does* know?

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**tl;dr:** SIL/friend is dating someone I found a lot of shady stuff about online. Also he’s married with kids. Do I say something or nothing at all and if I do say something, what do I even say?

1 comment
  1. You tell her the truth and if she doesn’t want to hear it or tells you to stay out of her business than she’s not a person you should be friends with and walk away and block her out of your life, she knows what she’s doing basically a girls with a sugar daddy and just a sex tool for the guy so she’s probably someone you really don’t want to be friends with I know your trying to help but she continues to go after bad guys older so the give her things and she feels wanted maybe expose the guy to his wife that might end her relationship

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