My husband and I have been married for 14 years. We have had a rough year. We have been in counseling for over a year. I have to really work on my defensiveness which has been really hard for me. I truly want my marriage to work as I love my husband beyond words. What are are some ideas for us that we can do to strengthen our marriage. He came up some ideas but I am wanting to add to it. Example, a white board on our fridge that we keep tracking of how many days we have not fought. Reading marriage books together, taking walks together.
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Plan dates together once a week! Movie night with popcorn at home or a walk in the park or dinner etc. plan it out, it’s fun to look forward to.
The white board idea to me doesnt sound like a good idea, arguments and disagreements happen in a relationship, its about understanding each others side of things and moving forward together. With a white board tracking your days I fear you or your partner may keep something in that can potentially fester into a bigger argument further down the line.
The other ideas sound great though, anything that you can do to be together where you connect rather than just being in the same room/house will help you grow.
I have a problem with being defensive in my relationship. I’ve started the practice of listening to my spouse more. I take all that info that I gather from listening and I do small things for my spouse that quietly proves that im listening.
I’m not sure what or if there’s a connection between listening and defensiveness, maybe someone smarter can explain it. But I notice that the more I’m listening, the more my spouse feels heard, turns into the less I’m defending. Dont know if this makes sense but I hope you can glean something useful from this OP.
Get rid of the white board that sets up for failure. Listen to marriage podcasts and discuss what you each heard good and bad. Designate one night a week to talk about a subject thoughts and feelings. You can each right down things you would like to discuss or are curious about put them in a jarvand pull one out for that night. They can be light or deep things to discuss. Check in with each other on how they feel. Have wonderment about each other’s thoughts and feelings. Discuss personal boundaries and values and that you hold as a couple also. Date nights and nights to pursue personal interests. Show curiosities toward each other’s personal interests or hobbies. Cook together with music you like or want to share with the other. Agree to defend the marriage.