I (f18) learned from the friend (m19) of my first ever ex (m19) that my ex has been talking about me behind my back and I’m not sure the course of action to take. Context: my ex and I saw each other for maybe 4 weeks and I didnt even call him my boyfriend, but he called me his girlfriend—probably as a status thing—so I think it’s easier to just refer to him as my ex instead of explaining all that whenever someone calls him my ex lol. We stopped dating because I made a clear boundary about physical intimacy because he’d connubially push and he was like “oh we’re better as friends then cause there’s no point”
The friend is someone I’m going to continue to hang out with because he goes to the college I’m starting at in a month (he’s agreed that I’m the duckling of their friendgroup at college now lol) and him and another friend of my ex’s are the first people I’m meeting that go to my school. The friend also basically said he’s sorry that I had to date my ex because it’s well known my ex is the most problematic out of all of the friendgroup (the friendgroup consists of a lot of people their age that went to the same middle/high school that currently go to different universities). He also says that I’m “a genuinely good person and he genuinely feels bad that I had to meet my ex and spend any time with him.” He’s also said he would tell me if my ex mentioned anything about me and the friend said he has, but he was also hammered so I couldn’t quite understand what he’s mentioned, but it seemed like he shared the kinda stuff that we did together and that sort of thing and likely more as a “ha! Look at me!“ I’m going to ask the friend for more details when he’s sober tomorrow. Also, the friend has no interest in me outside of anything platonic, he has a wonderful gf (who supposedly also knows how problematic my ex is despite not even meeting him irl yet)
This is my first experience with this kind of thing and I’m not sure what to do or if there’s something I should do. Thank you for any advice you have
Tl;Dr: friend (m19) of my first ever ex (m19) told me Im a genuinely good person and he feels bad I had to date my ex and that my ex had been talking behind my back. I don’t know how to deal with my ex talking behind my back
4 comments
Do nothing. Say nothing. Sounds like the others in the group know what a twat this boy is. Be the grownup and let him be seen as the child.
Here is my most recent experience with my ex-wife and what I did.
Problem: Found out yesterday she canceled my insurance over 2 months ago and has been stealing the money I was paying for it and claiming I owed her that money because she had medical bills last year and I should have to pay for them. After she left me for another guy.
Solution: I let it go.
Moral: there are people in this world who want to be miserable and take you down with them. Your job is to move on and let them show their true colors. You’ll take some hits and maybe lose friends because of that person, but if they don’t see your worth then you don’t need them. And eventually the terrible person pushes those friends away because of their negativity. So relax, let it go unless it becomes a problem that affects your life and not just your reputation with people near you. You’ll be alright 👍
> The friend is someone I’m going to continue to hang out with because he goes to the college I’m starting at in a month (he’s agreed that I’m the duckling of their friendgroup at college now lol) and him and another friend of my ex’s are the first people I’m meeting that go to my school. The friend also basically said he’s sorry that I had to date my ex because it’s well known my ex is the most problematic out of all of the friendgroup (the friendgroup consists of a lot of people their age that went to the same middle/high school that currently go to different universities). He also says that I’m “a genuinely good person and he genuinely feels bad that I had to meet my ex and spend any time with him.”
So you were talking about him behind his back.
Don’t complain about people doing something you’re doing too.
Shoe them her text messages to me.