I was used to give advice on this subreddit and i have not thought in my wildest dreams that i will be asking for one.
I (27F, 45kg, 4’11”) started dating someone (26M, 82 kg, 5’11”). We are currently hooked to messaging and talking back and forth. He is a great guy- calm, compassionate, empathetic, highly understanding, focused, loveable, supportive and we share emotional intimacy. If we get into relationship, i will be his first and he will be my second to get into relationship. He is a potential long-term partner (in our culture, that means i will get married to him at the end).
I am highly insecure about our height and weight difference. I don’t look mature physically and my height doesn’t help either. I look like a kid infront him. I don’t know how to get over my insecurities. It has been internalised as i am listening mean comments from my childhood on daily basis from near and random people. It has affected me throughout my life.
I am looking for some ways to get over it. May be advice, some self-help book or anything will do help. And don’t try to bash me on anything as i am highly understandable person and i am not looking for any kind of hate. If happened, i will block you.
Thank you
4 comments
Well first question is : are you attracted to him and is he attracted to you ? If this is a double yes then i don’t see any issue here.
There are ways to lower your insecurities. I get discriminated all for the time for being quite overweight at 167kg and 5’7″. People sometimes laugh at me or look at me from head to feet a few times and then smile. One way you can get over it is to understand where these people are coming from. The media, your parents, your religion, politics and tons of people will say that some things are ok and some things are not ok. Lots of people listen to this without questioning it. If the people they warship tells them overweight people are idiots or promotes being unhealthy or have a mental disorder and they are unstable and that they are just lazy, they might not question it at all even though they never really verified the information. Especially for things that you have some control over like weight.
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So who says that being different sizes in terms of height and weight is “bad”. You cannot change your height. And even if you could, you probably shouldn’t change it as there is nothing wrong with your height. If you start being ashamed of things that are out of your control, where does it lead you? It leads to a life of misery. Your breasts aren’t big enough, your skin color is inferior, your gender is inferior, you don’t have enough hair, your genitals are too big or too small etc… It just never ends. If you start giving in to the pressure, not only will you be sad but the sadness will never end.
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As we have seen, people insulting you sometimes do it as they are misinformed. But sometimes they do it because they are insecure about themselves. They insult others when they see their insecurities to feel better about themselves. They could also have trauma. A lady insulted a guy’s genital size and now the guy hates all ladies and shames them for every reason he can find. Understanding why people do things can make you understand they don’t necessarily truly think you are inferior. They might also not have the full story or aren’t ready to face their own insecurities.
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Stand up for yourself. Everyone is beautiful and that means you too. Let’s all accept our differences and focus on what we have in common instead! Don’t miss out on the opportunities that makes you happy to fit other peoples distorted views of what is a good things and bad things. Good luck with this lovely guy!
Anecdotally, I’m 6’0 even (yes, really, says it on my driver’s license), and I’ve been crushing on a 5’1 girl for the past three months.
Clearly he must feel similarly about you so I wouldn’t sweat it
For strangers it can’t be helped – they’ll always judge based upon looks since that’s all they have to go by. You two *will* look odd in public to strangers, but that doesn’t matter. Nobody else is a part of your relationship so nobody else’s opinion matter.
Plus once you interact with people your height/weight fades from their attention as they come to see the person you are behind your appearance. The disparity between your sizes won’t define you to the people who matter in your lives, and it will grow less strange for them to see as time goes by.
I’m a very short guy myself so I’m used to always being the smallest person around. Also very light weight, like yourself, and I was bullied in school about being so small/scrawny. Nowadays people tend to think I’m anywhere from 9-13 years younger than I actually am, so I still get treated differently compared to other people my age…
You just kind of get used to it as you come to know yourself, and as you become more comfortable with who you are.
If you start to feel insecurities about it than think about your favorite person in the world. Maybe a family member, maybe a friend, maybe this guy you’re speaking with? Whoever it is, think about how amazing that person is, and then remind yourself that *that* person thinks you’re enough. Other people may have said mean things, or insulted you, but are their opinions worth more to you than that one favorite person? Probably not. If they thought you weren’t enough than fuck’em, they don’t matter. The people who matter to you think you are enough, and they accept you. All you need to do is be able to accept yourself the same way.
You’re the same height and similar weight as me @ 4’11” and 42kg. I think it’s super cool to meet women who are the same height and weight. 😊