He always takes it as “arguing” or “complaining” when in reality I’m either trying to set a boundary, ask for equal respect that he’s demanded, or even just ADD on to something he’s already saying.
For the latter reason here’s a good example // (although completely hypothetical):
Him: “Vanilla ice cream is the best flavor of ice cream.”
Me: “yeah I like it with sprinkles and whipped cream!”
Him: “DUDE WHY DO YOU GOTTA ARGUE WITH ME VANILLA IS THE BEST FLAVOR!”
Me: “I’m just saying…”
Him: “idgaf stop arguing with me!”
It’s just trivial to put up with this much longer.
13 comments
So his opinion is the only one that matters and he sees your opinion as disrespectful? YIKES, that’s a gigantic red flag
I would have a discussion with him about it. If he can’t have a reasonable discussion on something that you blatantly is agreeing with him, I don’t know what to tell you.
I question the hypothetical scenario because you clearly agreed.
Sheesh, that’s very absurd if he’s just instigating the whole “argue” thing if its something that doesn’t align with his opinion etc. If he’s not willing to just be open in hearing you out or to change in not getting ticked off with you giving an opinion etc then id reconsider the relationship and the problems that can occur down the road. What if in the future he just doesn’t let you have a voice to speak on your thoughts, and anytime you both have a problem he just puts you down and not willing to hear your opinions? I feel like those factors will only cause chaos in the relationship and make you feel less. Just remember your both in a relationship so you both should be open to just hear each other out and always try to find a middle ground if something is in disagreement at least.
Like I said if there’s fights or him making those remarks for the littlest things etc because you have a opinion different then his then it really is concerning. Relationships are to learn and grow from EACH other, and it seems like he just wants to listen to himself and only be with himself. Hope this helped!
My guess is one of the following is to blame:
– There’s a problem with expected tone between you two, leading to misunderstandings of intent
– He may have a lack of confidence
– Something historical between you two has led to him being more sensitive even in not-so-negative circumstances
– He may have some bad/toxic expectations of women’s role in relationships
If I were you OP, I’d sit down when you two are doing well (no recent fights/arguments) and ask to discuss it. It’s not unusual for two people to run into differences in communication style, and it can be worked through if you two are open with one another and want to.
Good luck OP
So you can’t communicate with him, can’t disagree with him, and from your comments he also cheated on you in the past -twice!- and tried to twist it around on you to blame you for his cheating.
I don’t see why you’re still with him.
He just has no conversational skills, does he? Sounds like a drag to be around.
He makes me want to shove vanilla ice cream in his face. It’s his way or the highway. He says jump, you ask how high. Your house wife of atlanta bf sucks ass and needs a tampon.
Hi OP! This sounds crummy. Your feelings and opinions are being negated aggressively and that’s not okay. However, it mainly sounds like you have a communication issue with your BF. For whatever reason he’s defending himself and seems easily irritable. Have you checked if something is going on? Is he overly stressed? Is something making him feel unsafe or insecure?
Sometimes you need to shelve your complaints temporarily to make sure there isn’t a bigger underlying issue at hand. Once that’s handled, and he’s in a better state to listen to you, you can take your complaint off the shelf and let him know that it’s not okay to treat you as combative for sharing a different opinion.
If he insists nothing is wrong/is dismissive of the problem or how actions or unfairly blames you, it’s okay to step away from it and re-examine the situation and relationship.
Hope this helps!
He immature.
He just wants someone that agrees with him and makes him feel smart/recognized.
You weren’t even arguing. He is even ignoring what you like and prefer. He doesn’t want to engage in conversation.
He doesn’t sound very intelligent..
First of all: it is a very common technique by men. Whenever they are called out on their toxic/childish/immature/unfair behaviour, they claim you are “nagging” and “hysterical” because society looks down on those words and they are linked to women. Because women are seen as annoying when doing the same as men do (speak up for themselves), we (women) sometimes try to get out of being called “nagging” and “hysterical”. We do not want to be linked to those words because we have been trained to think they are bad/less worthy.
Men know this. So calling someone “nagging” when they are calling them out on their BS, they avoid taking responsibility and can continue their toxic behaviour because the woman then feels its her “fault” for being, well, a woman.
Off course women can be toxic and annoying, but then it should be communicated to them without using those stereotypical words.
Like “you are being unreasonable and i am removing myself from this situation until you can communicate with me in a mature way” instead of saying “stop being a hysterical bitch”.
Secondly, your BF sounds like a very unreasonable partner and I think you should throw him out.
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR BEING SO KIND, CONSIDERATE, PATIENT and REJUVENATING IN YOUR HEALING WORDS AND ADVICE AND TRUTHS! I appreciate all who came to give me the medicine I actually need! Not some watered-down nonsense to save my feelings or keep me from some possible sense of “shock” from realizing what I should have already known all along and really have but haven’t had the courage to admit it out loud with an undeniable acceptance for what it is, it’s easier to sit in the dark pretending like everything’s okay…. Until you need the lights to see where you’re headed!! Usually for the typical statistic in my place we tend to wait til we’ve already fallen over the cliff side buckling into a ball whilst hitting every branch on the way down to our hole of debt and destroyed efforts. And I don’t wanna wake up and realize I could have still done something to change the course of my future and created for myself a successful happily ever after.
He might be headed down the dumbest path I’ve seen someone walk, and just because I care about him doesn’t mean I have to follow him and the path he’s choosing to go down :/ I ain’t gonna walk the shoe-intolerant (barefooted) Lego-filled treacherous path when Alice’s Rabbit hole is an option lol 😂 just a dumb, goofy, nonsensical joke.
{{But seriously I’d love a realistic 5-D Simulation of that! That would be sick asf; and everything in the rabbit hole is actually filled with personally involved visual and auditory representations of your subconscious and psyche!!!}}
But seriously this is my life and I can’t help me want to do better not even with leading by example sadly enough, so I must do and head towards what I’m worthy of. And I see a very nice soft sandy path with perfect shade and a light spring breeze, seems like a nice walk while I’m on this hell on earth, may as well make it as sweet and Self-Conductive of a trip as I possibly can!
Why have you put up with him this long?