Bit of background— I’ve (20F) been dating this guy (34M) for 5 ish months now and we’ve been up and down pretty much the whole time. I had just gotten out of a toxic relationship and we jumped into things quickly. Over time, I realized I don’t want a relationship and so I communicated this. He went from accepting, to telling me he can’t just be fwb, to eventually somehow forcing me back into a relationship.
Recently he asked me to join him on a family vacation (parents, siblings and their S/Os, cousins etc) for 11 days on a ranch. I was hesitant because obviously our relationship title changes frequently but finally I just said F it and agreed to come. Half the trip is in 1 location then the second half is a flight to another location. I told him I would feel more comfortable if my ticket to the 2nd part was refundable, because:
1. 11 days is a long time to family vacay with somebody who you do not want to continue a romantic relationship with
2. My best friends 21st birthday lands on a day toward the end of the trip
3. I have work that I only took off for the first week but technically I can work from here as I have internet but it’s too hard with activities.
(I communicated ALL of this with him ahead of time)
I told him all of this and he agreed fo make it refundable. Flash forward to today, it’s day 1 of the trip I find out no one in his family is aware im prob leaving after this part and I think I might make him really sad which would ruin the trip for others. Im really stuck. Any advice helps.
5 comments
he’s 34. run.
He’s in his fucking 30’s. Get some money out of him and live your life. Fuck that he’s been mad manipulative. If you want to keep getting manipulated then stay and succumb to your fate.
Keep your head up loved one.
What do you mean no one in his family is aware?
But I agree with the others saying to just leave. It’s okay to make him sad – you are setting a boundary for yourself. You’re feeling uncomfortable and he should understand that.
Your 20 and he is 34, that means you were born in 2002 and he was born in 1988. Yeah ya’ll don’t want the same things. Go party with your friends and let the man find a girl he can settle with.
Don’t make decisions based on you feeling guilty.
Also. There’s a lot here that give me the vibe of you losing sight of who you are and accommodating him. You’re only 20 and you need to be you, grow and mature into the woman you can be with your full potential!