I made a post yesterday but I later realized I was focused on the surface rather than the underlying issue.
My SO is oldest and dealt with an emotionally unavailable dad. My SO and his next sibling, close in age are the “men of the house”. His brother wasnt as responsible but my SO had to grow up really fast.
Fast forward to today. He takes his family shopping, outings, parties, etc. His younger siblings have stepped up significantly tho. While his dad and siblings do contribute financially and time-wise, he’s left reeling with the adverse childhood events.
I feel sympathetic but it’s spilling into our relationship.
His mom and aunt wanted to go for a day trip with their kids. We aren’t available that weekend because of his birthday trip that I planned. Incidentally where we’re going is just one hour away from where they will be.
My husband instinctively said we’d join them for that one day of our trip since we’ll be “close by”.
I got upset when I found out because I worked hard to find the place and plan it. After a lot of back and forth, with some guilt he later backtracked.
Now they’re cancelling their trip. Especially his uncle who was hoping my SO or BIL would be there. But my BiL can’t make it either.
Our trip is Saturday and my husband’s snapping and just in an overall bad mood. We live with his parents, so this trip was needed. Likely because he’s absorbing the guilt of his family not going.
This isn’t the first time this guilt has surfaced and affected us. We marry our partner with all their backstories, but I really don’t know why he’s arguing with me and fighting. I know our trip is gonna be ruined because he’s gonna mentally be away in his chamber, even though he insists he is excited.