Firstborn daughters: what does failure look like for you?

42 comments

  1. For me it’s asking for help, admitting something is too hard, and being seen as imperfect

  2. Disappointing myself. It used to be disappointing my parents and then I realized I don’t want their life so why would I use them as the blueprint

  3. I failed my marriage and I still don’t have kids at the age of 40 and I’m currently single and broke, with a pretty basic office job. That feels like failure to me!

  4. Disappointing anyone. I had a wreck a few years back and my parents came to get me in the ER. In my concussion/brain-addled state, I could not stop crying, for hours, and the only reason I could give them was “I let you down! I wrecked the car and disappointed you! WAHHHH” They looked at me like I had two heads because A, it was a freaking accident, and B, I was 47 years old, not a teenager. It was crazy, but honest.

  5. there’s so much that i could write here but probably my biggest one would be asking for help or not being independent. moved out at 18 and have been financially independent since then, there’s a lot i would do rather than move back in with my parents or ask anyone for any type of help

  6. Disappointing my family. Being less successful than my younger siblings, because I always want to be their role model. Asking for help.

  7. Not being the calm, cool, collected one of the family. My life is incredibly hectic all the time and my siblings have comparatively calm lives. I hate feeling like I’m spread too thin and not focused on what I need to be.

  10. Asking for help definitely or talking about my feelings and asserting my wants and not just rolling over and doing what my parents, siblings, or romantic partners want. Not being successful in life. I’m a first generation college student so I feel extreme pressure to be the most successful and be the role model that my parents -specifically my dad- are not.

  11. I feel like one now. I got my degree and went straight back to working in a pub, and I quit 4 weeks ago to pursue an office job and I still can’t get one, so I have to return to part-time pub work to at least do something. I hate working in hospitality. My last pub sucked to work in so hopefully this new pub is an improvement, despite the paycut and the reduced hours.

    My sister however is 2.5 years younger than me, she just got qualified as a hairdresser and is doing well for herself. I’m proud of her

  12. For me it was being unemployed. Even as a teenager I was like “I have to work to make money so my parents and grandparents will be proud of me”. When I became unemployed briefly after I got laid off from my first job after college (I’d worked there 5 years and my department got liquidated) I was so upset that I was failing everyone.

  13. Me. I’m 19 going to be 20 with a 5 month old. With a baby daddy I keep breaking up with and getting back together. Been a very rocky relationship from the start but I can’t seem to let him go and it’s hurting my dad and family so much I can see it but I don’t mean to do it. I’m a disappointment seeing as I’m about to go back to him again after moving back in with my parents for 5 months once our son was born I basically left they think it’s done because he did a lot of awful things after I left but he has undiagnosed mental disorders and was obviously emotional as I just took his kid and left less then a month after he watched him be born and us have it be the best and scariest day of our life as our son was born with an infection in his lungs and wasn’t breathing he was in the nicu 10 days after being born it was scary. I love him and want to be with him but my dad is going to hate me and never talk to me again….

  15. Losing my career, especially the career that I dreamed of since I was a kid. I’m so close to it now, that if I fail, myself and my entire family will be disappointed.

  17. When the top three comments are the epitome of your life – hope nobody minds the only child waving in support from the sidelines 🙂

  19. First and only born to one parent(the other had other children before and after me).

    I just need to look in the mirror. My whole life is a failure: went to the horrid, single sex school miles away from the house that my mum wanted me to go to because I guess it would help with my future (I am not from an affluent family). Went to university, didn’t enjoy it but managed to scrape by. Been employed since first graduating but always in low paid, non graduate level work. Tried working abroad and having experiences with different things (summer camp, work in America, TEFL…) all meaningless. Did a graduate teaching degree to be a qualified teacher…can’t find permanent teaching job and am working another non graduate level job.

    Never earned more than £18,000 a year in my life.
    Hardly any savings. Living at home in what is now a deprived area and the future…is really not looking bright…

    I don’t even have my looks to fall back on 🤣

  20. Asking for help. Not having my mental health completely under control. Looking weak in front of my siblings. Letting down my family in some way.

  21. Letting my mother control everything I do. I’m getting better especially now that I’ve started setting boundaries but she still likes to try to take over. Also not being able to protect my brother from my mother he shouldn’t have to go through the shit I did.

  22. idk if i’m “firstborn” if i’m an only child, but – letting anyone down. it holds me back even at work, i avoid taking on responsibility because i don’t want to mess up when people are depending on me.

  24. Admitting that I couldn’t fit my family’s expectations. They’re all so high and I don’t think I can achieve them

  25. Not reaching my own ridiculously high standards in terms of my career, relationships, finances, etc.

    Ironically my parents don’t have high standards for me, this pain is just self-inflicted.

  26. Well, everything I do gets analysed for potential ‘wins’. And it’s gotta be at least a ‘win, win, win’ scenario. One win is child’s play. Everyone has to win, and I’m the one to make it happen. Oldest child, and oldest girl. No surprise.

  27. My mom doesn’t ever talk to me just to have a conversation and ask how I am. She never initiates. I don’t know what I’ve done, but it really validates the whole must-be-perfect-to-be-loved thing.

  28. Choosing to be an artist while my baby sister has 2 master’s degrees, a fancy high paying job and an actual relationship with my mother.

    I’ve gotten to the point where I accept the disappointment.

  29. Not living up to people’s expectations, like this doesn’t only include my family, this shit includes everyone in the society

  32. Asking/Getting help. My friends tell me all their feelings and they’ll never get that from me because I don’t want to seem weak. I won’t go to therapy because I feel like I have to be the strong one & if I cry in front of a therapist, I’d feel like I let life win. To cave in from my stubborn independence will truly make me feel like a loser

  33. Not graduating college, being massively dependent on my parents, and staying home for years and years out of fear.

  34. I knew I was a failure when my dad picked me up from jail and his voice cracked while talking to me. I broke his heart. Things changed forever that day

  35. not being seen as a role model for my younger sister or even to my lil brothers idk hearing my brothers tease my sister that she finna turn out like me sounds like a insult makes me feel some type of way or being directly told to my face that my lil brother doesn’t wanna turn out like a failure like me “no offense” he says as a sugarcoat.

  36. Failure for me is being afraid of disappointing my parents by living the life I want to live.

  37. i personally dont have to worry about failing, but not being able to stick up for my siblings would have a similar feeling

  40. Not being seen as the “perfect” daughter basically being an embarrassment

  41. When I got a 98% on an exam, my mom asked me why I got a question wrong. And yes, before anyone asks I am part Asian.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like