I left my hometown a year ago to pursue my dream. My friends and family thought that my decisions made before were stupid, that I shouldn’t have been quiting college. But I wasn’t listening, I was really excited about my new plan for life and was talking about it all the time. And then I flew to another city to try to accomplish my goal. A year passed by and I haven’t achieved anything. I even got farther from my goal.
And now I have to get back for a short period of time and my friends know about it. And of course they expect me to meet them, but I don’t want to because I was loud about my goals but came back with nothing reached. I want isolate from everyone to be honest. How to deal with my situation?
14 comments
So what was your goal?
It will pass man. There is no shame in failing to achieve your goals. Take some time reflecting what went wrong (write it in a diary)
When you meet your friends, you can talk about what happened and how you feel now. If they support you then keep being around them. If they don’t then don’t socialize with them again
That’s all you can do. And as I said, there is no shame in failing. You got a whole life ahead of you to make more goals and work towards them
If you don’t want others to treat it as a topic of focus, you can focus the conversations on other topics and limit what you say about that aspect of your life. If you act calm and humble about it instead of being obviously avoidant or defensive, others will likely follow your lead. If they really care about you, then they’re not out to tear you down in the first place.
There is no need to feel ashamed. You have been trying to do what others don’t want to do or dare to do. Going after your goals is courageous regardless of result (if you want to call 1 year of trying a result).
Rome wasn’t built in a day, n’or in a year. You have built qualities that will help you the rest of your life, like learning to deal with temporary failure, because that is all it really is.
Remember, a loser is someone that gives up. A winner is someone that doesn’t give up. There is no such thing as “you are only a winner once you reach certain results”. No. You are a winner by getting up every day and trying again and again.
Another thing you have learned, is to keep your goals more silent and for yourself. You are going to set expectations if you talk about it to everybody. This will put pressure on you to succeed, and far more often than not, we are naïve and think we can achieve a lot in a little time.
You see, it is all a matter of perspective. Instead of seeing it as “I have been away for a year, and didnt achieve shit”, view it as a year full of valuable lessons that are going to serve you for the rest of your life. You have started to build a foundation for your success.
Hopefully there is one thing you can take from my message that will help you mentally to deal with the situation that you are in. It’s all about the way you look at things.
*”When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”.*
I only gonna say my opinion instead of rational general ideas: You could be stay home, and only dream about your goals and have a standart life because of social pressure like “get a life” stuff. But you didn’t. You tried to make something, tried something different, and like bunch of things in life it could obviously be a failure or end up like not much that you excepted. I’d proud of myself and never take any crap from anyone because I tried something accurred to my mind and that’s a important thing.
Self-check, and looking from another window to yourself could be helpful but if you think it was a good idea then be confident about it. Don’t take even a word about it from your friends without being passive aggressive.
Its only been a year my guy – take time to learn from the year you’ve had and continue your pursuit.
“Yeah that was a bust, turns out I was arrogant haha. Learned a lot from the experience though. What have you been getting up to?”
or
“Turns out you were right! But I had to know for myself, you know? Now the question is where to go from here. Have you thought about getting out of town?”
Just admit that you failed, say you just had to try something new.
Did you give up on your goal completely?
“*Don’t lose your confidence if you slip
Be grateful for a pleasant trip
And pick yourself up, dust yourself off
And start all over again*”
– Nat King Cole
Have some faith in your friends. Understanding, empathy, having your back through the good times and bad, that’s what friends are for. It sounds like reconnecting with your support system would most likely do more good than harm, especially if you’re feeling down about other things like not meeting your goal (yet).
Failing is what makes us human, failing makes you wayyy more likeable, because people can emphasise and relate to you. Don’t beat yourself up over it. You are probably fcking awesome to hang around with 😀
As long as you believe you are a failure, you will end up acting that way. People will notice and feel that vibe coming from you. People notice the way you carry yourself and the vibes you give off. When you are nervous/anxious/overthinking/worrying about who you are and what you are, your verbal and nonverbal actions tend to show it. If you keep acting this way, people will stop associating with you because it’s a negative vibe. You are essentially conveying that you are indeed unworthy to hold a conversation with them or be around them and that they need to be constantly reassuring you. That’s not what you want to convey, and it’s nobody else’s job but your own to validate and reassure yourself. People gravitate towards self confidence, not anxiety.
You need to be genuinely busy in your life focusing on your hobbies and goals while interacting with people in real life on the side. Find something you enjoy doing and keep doing that overtime. You will build much needed self esteem and self confidence. Chase excellence, not people.
at least you had the courage to do something that was completely new and not guaranteed. have the courage to admit your defeats too. maybe in another universe you never attempted your dreams and always regretted it.
I learned in 30s, if your “friends” don’t help you reach your goals financially or with information don’t tell them any more goals and find new “friends”. People are selfish and really not worth friendship. 1 year to achieve your goals isn’t enough time, you need to move around and meet more people who actually have the same interest,goals and or financial information to become successful.
I could already tell you your family and friends aren’t much help if they already doubted you once by telling you to stay in college and that’s not your passion fck it. Some real advice if your young healthy and not tied down by marriage and kids. don’t look back stop being scared reach out to people who are already successful in what you want to do and get to know them.
I would say give it at least 3 yrs before you try giving up on your passion, goals and then settle for college or some job.