Men who have tried long distance dating, how did it go and what did you learn?

14 comments

  2. I learned that it’s ridiculously difficult and to never do it again. After going through that process three or four times, I finally settled down with someone local. LDR really are just the fucking worst. Someone will always cheat or lie or do something that would test the boundaries of any ‘normal’ relationship because no one is truly accountable when their partner is a thousand miles away.

  3. It fell apart. It’s hard to make any plans because thing getting cancelled isn’t a “let’s try tomorrow” it’s a “let’s try next month.”

    I’m also a very physically affectionate person so I figured out long distance doesn’t work for me even if I do have a great connection with the person.

  4. Don’t. Its a waste of time and effort. You cant cultivate anything long distance and there is a large number of people on the planet so you’re better of letting her go and sourcing locally.

  5. It’s so different for every person and situation. My girlfriend lives nearby but she goes to college a few hundred miles away. I think it’s possible.

  6. It was an amazing first month in the honeymoon phase I never felt more loved in my entire life

    Eventually she started hanging out with her ex, we had communication problems/she didn’t want to put in effort towards that & would rather sweep it under the rug to fix never or “let things be” as she says it although she made promises to me, hung out with her ex every single day, then another ex whom she described as a fuckboy came back into her life

    She said she enjoyed rejecting fuck boy’s advances then assured me she wasn’t cheating on me

    Then wanted space, so I gave her space while I went on vacation. She then called me after my vacation to confess she cheated on me with fuckboy & it felt good because she realized she’s not ready for a relationship

    Even stated that cheating doesn’t make her a bad person & she thinks that since other people in the world aren’t fully good people it’s okay for her to act terrible

    I told her it doesn’t make her a good person & a good person tries THEIR BEST to be good & not cross certain lines like she did

    I learned that I was a solid patient healthy communicative boyfriend but I’m also a blind gullible fool with people I love

    I ignored all the signs on purpose because I wanted to believe in her. Not making that mistake again

    She even called me last night to insincerely apologize once more but I feel like she just enjoys hearing me in pain

    I always joked about LDR’s thinking they’ll never work until I “met” her. I should’ve listened to myself

  7. It takes a lot of work. Much more than you expect. It takes a lot of communication, much more than you expect. Putting a person who is not present in your day to day life, first in your priorities is harder than you can imagine.

    I loved my wife as much as a man has ever loved a woman. We made it through 3 years apart, but I do not know if we would have made it through 4.

    We were happily married for many years until cancer took her last year.

    Here’s my advice.

    Get a great data plan, and communicate this way daily.

    Try to talk to each other daily at the same time. We were fortunate to live in the same time zone and always wished each other good night and caught up on each other’s day

    Your LDR always has first call on your free time and free cash. Spend it on closing the distance as frequently as possible.

    Have a firm time frame to close the distance for good and stick to it.

  8. Like others have said, communication and trust are big factors in your success. So long as your core values and commitment to each other matches, there is a strong chance you’ll succeed.

    But if you don’t, you may experience more heartbreak than is worthwhile. And miss out on living your best life now.

  9. It was awful. I hated having to be the phone for extended periods of time. All of the fights feel stupid and petty because you’re no where near eachother. The amount of time and money spent to see eachother can add up quick. If your expectations of what you’ll do when you see eachother don’t line up, it can be pretty upsetting. Would not recommend for extended period of time.

  10. We knew each other for 2 years and dated 2 years. We reached the point where it was get married or go our separate ways. We got married. Been married 22 years.

  12. It lasted about a year and I learned that it’s a terrible idea. It’s just too awkward and you can’t see each other often enough.

  14. In the past I’ve done it under suffering circumstances and I feel (for me at least), an established in person relationship first and then it being distance so to something like job/moving would be the only way I would do it versus starting off that way. You are going into it already knowing the person a bit more on a lot of topics needed to even decide if you would want to / if it would work. Not just how you both communicate but to what extent both are in terms of style/neediness/amount required…there are a lot of variables to consider all around.
    In one prior instance as me being someone a bit on the introvert/value alone time to recharge, it wasn’t the same from the partner and it was really draining with talking/texting all the time as such, but given distance and all that, still trying to make em happy n all cuz you aren’t seeing them in person. There’s just a lot to consider/think about and compromising is a bit different versus someone you know you will see sometime in the next few days, etc.

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