I (19m) was about to have sex with my crush (19f) and she told me that I should feel “privileged”. I suddenly lost all desire for her and stopped.

48 comments

1. You are not crazy, her behavior is not okay.

   Period.

   Side note, being rejected is driving her nuts, not used to it, can’t handle it. It’s a lesson she needed to learn

2. You did good, it was disrespectful and probably she never had been in situation like that, that’s why she overreacting and feel strange. You will see that she will try to have sex with you again. She is probably used with everyone saying yes to her

3. Nah that kind of arrogance is a total turn off, and her reaction afterwards cemented it. Dudes get called psycho for that kinda behavior. I especially like that you like turned down sex and she said she’s never going to hook up with you again, as if you expected anything else after asking her to leave.

4. Idk. I think anyone I give myself to, is privileged. I suspect she was just teasing and playing, and it came out wrong. I’ve said the same before, but I 10000% meant nothing terrible by it.

   Her feelers are hurt, and that’s why she reacted. Meet for coffee to talk, and I bet you will discover she actually DOES like you, and this will pass quickly.

5. You’re good man. Seems you’ve dodged a crazy one. The fact she’s calling you gay and sus after you busted just from kissing, and still got it up again after from her grabbing you, makes it seem like she’s throwing out homophobic shit just to hurt your feelings. That, and trying to make you feel small by calling you a little boy, and a weirdo.

   That.. ahem “woman”, is nuts. Not someone who takes no easily or maturely. She’s a walking, talking red flag.

6. Screenshot the messages in case she tries to do some weird bullshit.

7. I would have felt the same way you did. That’s such a gross thing for her to say.

   And then, she acted like a psycho to you afterward.

   You made the right call.

   If you feel like it, tell her your reaction was because of what she said. Maybe it was poorly said by her and she didn’t mean it like that… but based on her behavior afterward, she’s a conceited ass.

8. At first I thought maybe she was just trying to do some light domme stuff but everything after is just yikes

9. Your dick has good judgment. Her behaviour following this whole experience shows she is actually as selfish and arrogant as that offhand comment indicated.

10. Good thing you came in your pants first and got that post-nut clarity.

11. Your reaction is normal. You suddenly sense that you don’t feel safe mentally around her. Sexual attraction is not just physical, so it could also be lost due to other factors.

    She reacted that way because she felt rejected..”How dare you” basically. But it is not your responsibility. If she doesn’t show any sign of willing to listen, then you don’t need to self disclose anything.

12. I would say her behavior is not congruent to what had been discussed. If my gf told me this it would be because this is the relationship we have. Its our kink. UT if you dint have a convo, then she’s out of line.

13. You reacted alright in my eyes mate, seems like you may have dodged a bullet with this one. Good on you for valuing your own self worth. When I was your age I’m not so sure I would have had the self-confidence to walk away from that situation. Don’t let her back into your thoughts. Especially now that she’s insulted you.

14. Idk I have alot of different responses for ya. But I mean. As long as you did what you felt was proper at the time no one can be mad.

    Now this coulda been her being sexy, knowing she’s fine and finding you attractive that she invited you inside her. Especially after being patient with the facct that you came before actually fuccin.

    Also could just be that you have easy turn offs and you can’t help it.

    I woulda got my invitation off first theeeeen expressed that I didn’t enjoy that compliment

    Don’t worry. Everyone hates rejection. It’s not really your fault fam. Did the right thing to your heart

15. I will give her the benefit of the doubt to give you her possible perspective. When she told you that you should feel lucky, it could have been her being playful. I wasn’t there but she could have meant it like “I’m going to fuck your brains out.” or something to that effect after you cleaned yourself up. From the sound of it tho, she could have just been full of herself and arrogant as you put it.

    Regardless. You said “No.” Its your body, your choice. Her behavior afterwards is NOT excused because her pride was hurt from being rejected. You’re not crazy.

16. So it’s making someone sus irl a thing now? Lol

17. Boundaries are important and if you didn’t like it and that’s how she reacted you are lucky you found out now

18. You did an amazing thing for yourself! Asking her to leave took a lot of self-respect. 🙂

19. I mean I think you may have slightly overreacted just from that comment, but at the end of the day it’s your decision and the way she acted after is just disgusting, so I’d say you made the right call

20. What you felt is pretty common. A LOT of people’s attraction works in a negative system.

    You may or may not find someone attractive at a first impression, and from there it’s FAR easier to become less attractive than to become more attractive.

    It happens a lot: some people are attractive until they open their mouths, until they treat other people badly, etc. From that point it’s hard to recover.

    She just happened to cross the threshold to stop being attractive to you. It’ll probably be an uphill battle for her to make you like her again.

21. I’m gonna chime in with the most unpopular opinion of all time here

    if I were in your position and a girl LITERALLY MADE ME NUT IN MY PANTS and said that, I probably would have just laughed and said “damn right” and proceeded with the action

22. Why not tell her what offended you and actually talk about it? Instead of just telling her to leave. You can still tell her at this point too. Communication is the name of the game. You don’t even know if she was just joking around

23. You just got the power of Self Respect my Dude, use it wiselly and with Honor

24. A lot of almost movie based responses here, you’re both very young and even though what she said sucks , she’s just learning the world like you are she probably thought it would appeal to you. Tell her how it made you feel and talk about it. If she’s rude politely move on.

25. >I should feel so privileged that she’s gonna fuck me.

    What.the.serious.hell?

    I wouldn’t be sad because of this tbh.

26. Please save all the chats and all the evidence, you could get falsely accused of something. Don’t delete anything and don’t reply back

27. Imagine the roles reversed. He said she’s privileged to have sex with him. She’s lost all her desire, asked him to leave, then does this. Everyone would jump to him being creepy and arrogant. This is the exact same in my eyes. She’s creepy and arrogant. I don’t see anything anyone should tell you to do different. Well done.

28. I (19m at the time now that I think about it) hooked up with a girl I’d been crushing on for about the same amount of time. Alcohol was involved, but we talked all night before getting together and revealed/confirmed with each other that we both felt what we felt and really wanted to give a relationship a try.

    The next morning she was sitting in the living room waiting for me to wake up, and she told me “I thought about it and I think I only slept with you last night because after everything you’ve done for me, I thought that you deserved it.”

    I’ve never felt more sickened and disrespected and used in my entire life.

    I never reached out to her ever again, and only spoke to her once or twice more in my life at a couple of friends parties by happenstance.

    Honestly 15 years later it still makes me feel awful when I think about it.

    Also, be super duper careful. About 6 months before that, a different girl sort of insisted her way into staying the night in my dorm (I was the only one in a 2-person room and offered her the empty bed) and after we went to bed she came
    over and got in my bed. She tried to kiss me and wanted to sleep with me, but I said I just didn’t think we should, so she told me “I’m so worked up, is it ok if I masturbate here next to you?” I should have just said “no you need to leave,” but I felt weird and both didn’t want to make her mad or hurt her feelings anymore (and in honesty part of me thought it would just be a sexy thing to see). I didn’t touch her, and afterwards she went back over to the other bed, fell asleep, and left early the next morning.

    Over the next week she told EVERYONE that I had tried to force myself on her, and what a monster I was, etc. etc. It honestly really messed with my head and hurt my reputation and was ultimately a factor (of many) in me dropping out of college.

    Keep those messages in case you ever need to prove that you didn’t sleep with her.

29. I had a girl tell me sbout other guys actively trying to fuck her but i was the lucky one. Shoulda seen it coming later on but i was young and stupid.

30. arrogance is the biggest turn off to me too, and the reason she is blowing up your phone and insulting you is because you rejected her, and it is probably a first for her and she does not know how to handle it, because she sees herself as better than you.

31. Sounds like a narcissist.

    You’re privileged, and deserve someone who will love you more than they love themselves 🙂

32. Late 40s guy here. You dodged a bullet with her.

    From the post title before reading the post, I already had that thought. If that is her mindset, you’d be in “debt” to her for that “privilege”.

    After reading your post and how she handled herself afterwards, you’re better off not being around her.

33. Post nut clarity + her arrogant behavior. Maybe, on top of that, you may be the type of person that feels attraction based on the other person’s attitude and intelligence, not looks and feels inly – it’s more common than you think.

34. No, you aint crazy. No, her behavior is not ok. Yes, you were 110% right to not have sex with her….don’t reverse this decision no matter what. You will find better and whatever moment of pleasure she might offer, is not worth having to live with yourself afterwards.

    As a bonus, she will NEVER forget you. Just keep playing it cool and she will die 60 years from now remembering you as “the one that got away.” LOL 😀

35. Honestly, I don’t think the comment in itself was actually bad, she could’ve just been teasing you. However, her true colors definitely came out after you rejected her, so bullet dodged.

36. You did the right thing young jedi

37. She unironically called you gay and sus? Is she a 12 year old boy in a Fortnite lobby?

38. Good on you man. Don’t be with people that think like that. Just a toxic way to think and behave.

39. Post nut clarity will do wonders.

40. She’s sounds incredibly toxic and narcissistic. You dodged a bullet there.

41. 1. Don’t be ashamed of that. I’ve been with partners who came before we started doing more than making out and it is *hot af*

    2. You’re absolutely right to stop things. The fast that she is treating you so poorly now is just more red flags, and not a reflection of how you deserve to be treated at all. You deserve someone who is as excited to be with you as you are with them

    Find someone better. You deserve better.

42. When I was 21, at $10 all you can drink night at the bar, I waited in line for close to 40 minutes along with many other people. Right as it was my turn, a smoking hot blonde came up behind me, grabbed my arm and asked if I’d mind if she cut. I asked her why, and she did a self wave thing over her body and said “because I’m hot??”

    I told her absolutely not, she got pissed and left. The girl next to me in line fist bumped me and her bf high-fived me. We got our drinks and went out separate ways. 2+ hours later I looked over and she was just barely reaching the bar to order a drink refill.

    I am 37 now and this short story is one of the very few stories I have about standing up for myself to a female trying to use their attractiveness to glide through me/life. It’s also one of the few things I’m proud of from my past. Point being, random pussy does not go on a pedestal and you’ll eventually be proud you gave her the boot. Good on you, friend.

43. It sounds like she has an inflated self-importance and started thinking that she could treat people like shit because of it. You having your standards and boundaries (both good and healthy things to have) brought her back to reality a little bit. She can’t stand the idea of someone not wanting her to the point of sacrificing their self-respect and happiness.

44. Nah she’s a loon. She’s one of those guys. “He doesn’t wanna hookup with me so he must be gay!” Meanwhile she made u cum without even having sex lmao. You hurt her incredibly large but fragile ego when she got rejected. Prob the first time she’s been rejected and she’s pissed beyond comprehension. She’s prob so use to being admired and wanted which is why she said you should feel privileged. She’s a narcissist. Straight up. Dodged a bullet man.

45. She has no inner beauty with a statement like that. You saw it and made the right call. Ignore her/ block her and find someone beautiful inside and out.

46. Post nut clarity saved your ass. Ghost her.

47. Good for you.

    You accidentally gave her a real hard knock life lesson. She’s ain’t all that.

    You probably dodged a bullet.

48. Nahh, you did good. As a woman I’m mortified, she’s just satisfying her ego trying to sleep with you. You’re not loved by her, you’re just a body count for her to brag about, a toy to play with for her amusement. And she’s not used to her toys fighting back. What an arrogant little b**ch. Get out of there, don’t reply to her. Sleep with the people you love and love you back, that will feel much better.