Hello everyone. My roomate (29F) and I (23M) have been living with each other for almost 8 months now. We knew each other before and were very good friends and she was looking for a place to live and decided to move into my apartment as it had an extra room. When she moved in we only got closer.
I moved to Mexico from the US a little over a year ago and she was the first person I felt completely comfortable talking to. When she moved in, we did everything together. We would go hiking and even planned around our schedules to watch all of Game of Thrones with each other. We had good chemistry together. Really good. We joked with each other all the time and though usually I’m not good at joking around in Spanish bc my timing isn’t like it is in English, we would belly laugh with each other. We would talk for hours on end until we fell asleep. I started to have deep feelings for her and I wasn’t quite sure what these meant. I ignored them for a few weeks but then eventually told her.
And so we started dating.
This was very recently. About a month ago. And though I still had real feelings for her, I slowly began to realize that I mistook these feelings for romantic feelings. She found out pretty soon too. I wouldn’t do anything sexual with her, but I liked that we felt more comfortable talking with each other. We did everything a couple did but we wouldn’t get sexual bc I would always have an excuse.
This might sound dumb, but the love I feel for her is definitely the love of a friend. When I told her I wanted more, I definitely meant it. But what I wanted wasn’t a traditional romantic relationship. I think I just wanted an excuse to open up to her more. It was weird for me to navigate bc everyone kept telling me we were basically a couple. And I feel dumb as shit for assuming I had romantic feelings for her just bc she is a woman and I’m sexually attracted to women.
I told her that tonight. And I think it hurt her a lot.
I love her.
I really do.
But… as a friend.
And it’s really fucking hard to navigate that. I’ve known her for a very short period of time but I felt comfortable with her quick and it’s hard for me to feel that way.
And from her reaction, it would be naive of me to think that we could have the same friendship as before.
I really shouldn’t have been so dumb. I never felt really sexually attracted to her. But I confused my deep feelings for her as sexual.
Don’t be like me.
Tldr – I messed up a friendship with my roommate by making it romantic