After a pretty rough ending to my last relationship, I was single for over 4 years. In a nutshell, I learned a lot about myself – one of those things being pretty sure I don’t want to have children. As a woman, I’m scared about what that might mean for me in terms of finding a long-term partner.
I know that it’s the 21st century and this sort of choice isn’t as uncommon as it was historically, but I’m concerned about finding a partner that shares my sentiments. I’ve been surprised to find that many guys my age are just as excited as my female friends are to start a family of their own, including having multiple children in the next few years.
Sort of a weird question to bring up early on in the dating game, but also an incredibly important and a huge deal-breaker…
How can I approach the complexities of dating, while also being true to myself?
9 comments
Be upfront about it, to not waste your or someone else’s time
Having children might be the only reason some guys would get married. So marriage may be off the table for you. But there are also lots of guys that don’t want children so you should be fine.
It’s becoming more common for people to not wants kids, it’s just something you need to be up front about on dates. Even on apps you can use a filter of “don’t want kids” to match with people who feel the same way.
Don’t change yourself and just say upfront what you are looking for
Just be honest up front. Maybe look for someone a little older who has no kids, chances are there are more options in that general pool
Just be upfront about it, plenty of people don’t want children. And by the way in my experience it absolutely doesn’t impact the man’s willingness to get married
Thanks for the feedback. I’ve been seeing someone for a little while now (6 mos), and I’m worried that by bringing this up, they might be freaked out by it.
How do I share that I’m not into the idea of having kids? I guess I’m not 100% against it, things could change, but I’m not willing to have them unless I’m totally sure it’s something that I truly want, and I’m just not there right now. Do I just let it ride out?
I’m also a CF female and when I tell a guy I’m a CF career-oriented woman, most of them lose interest. The way I see it is, I never had a future with them anyhow 🤷🏼♀️ if you just want to have a bit of fun with them and not looking for long term, then just don’t bring it up
Alot of people don’t want kids, I got a buddy of mine the same way. But if you struggle with people your age finding someone like minded date a little older. If you are in your 30s date a man that already had his kids in his 40s. That way he gets the kids and you get the man.