I want to believe that I love my husband.. but there are more downs than ups in our relationship. I think I’ve had enough.
Background for context: We’re basically high school sweethearts and ended up getting married shortly after I graduated. We live with his parents at they’re home, which they have decided that they will let him inherit.
But now he has decided that he doesn’t want me to work, he won’t let me attend school, he won’t let me administrator any of our finances, and he won’t buy our own house for our family.
He is a kind person deep down inside but most days he works long hours and when he is home he needs “some time to himself,” so that means he rarely helps with chores and I have to beg him to hold our baby.. I feel as though I’m a prisoner in this house and im not shown any love.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg. There is so much more that’s wrong.
Overall I don’t feel happy. But I love my husband and I want us to be together for our baby. I don’t want my baby to grow up without a dad like I did.
Any advice.. or comments?
6 comments
Therapy…..
there is a lot of things wrong here and its not that because you two are young (its great you two are)
So you come from a broken home, what about him? What was his life growing up? Are his parents still together, what are his role models for a happy family/marriage, has he always been this controlling?
So here is the deal, you two can save this marriage and make it better than before but you two need to lean into each other then push each other away. He needs time after work to decompress then thats good and healthy and normal but after that he needs to lean into you and see if he can help. I bet you would drop your jaw and want to jump on him for joy if he came to you and asked you “is there anything I can do to help you”
What you are experiencing it happens to older couples too so you aren’t alone. Kids can make things rocky but then our own personal issues from the past make things even harder but it doesn’t have to be that way. If you two lean into each other and maybe see a therapist and read 7 Principles to Making Marriage Work then you two can be amazing.
I can’t stress to new wives how important it is to be there for your man when his emotional issues will come up because damn it men don’t normally have someone they can trust or go to with emotional issues. So be there for him and as he gets better, so will the marriage but on the other side of that coin… you got to get better yourself. You have abandonment issues that I hope have been addressed and if not need to be.
This can be the start of a beautiful thing but you have to start in the darkness to see the sunrise
Sometimes love isn’t enough. You might love him to the moon and back but it won’t be enough to bridge the gap if he isn’t trying too.
Not allowing you to work or have any part in finances is a definite red flag to keep in mind, but unless there’s abuse, divorce doesn’t have. to be the only option when things aren’t going well.
Let him know how you feel. Tell him clearly and calmly what you need and how to change.
“I don’t want my baby to grow up without a dad like I did.”
My mother had this mentality and I really wish she didn’t. My mother and father hated each other so much they practically lived on opposite sides of the house, and they’d have me relay messages between each other about how much they hate each other. I was just a 1st – 3rd grader at the time so I wasn’t fully aware of why this was happening, but it sucked. Eventually they divorced and things felt so much better (at least to me). Not having a father my entire childhood did suck, but it was better than having an emotionally absent father. I hope you make the right decisions for yourself.
Good Luck, Stay Strong 🖤
sounds like he wish he could do better for himself. this results in him trying to stop you from moving on because he cant do better. basically he feel not confident that he cant provide. this is why he control your behavior. two choices. either reassure him and let him know you are still here for him throw words but mainly actions. or ask for divorce. pretty much it
Looks like he wanted to have a kid on his own terms, which were you doing everything and him just working and then not wanting to be bothered with any of that marriage and parenting stuff.
And you say you love him? Ok, so what is it that you love about him? Most people in loving relationships don’t talk about all of the things their partner won’t “let” them do.
Life is to short know one deserves to be midable I would rather be broke and live under a bridge than be miserable in a dead end marriage even if I have everything under the sun you can’t live like that maybe some therapy would help