My husband and I have got a villa for the summer in the south of France. We have had a few different family and friends come to visit us as it’s great to be able to share the experience with them.
My sister said she would like to come with her fiancé. At first she selected a date when my parents could come too, but then didn’t book flight tickets and also realised a few days before that he fiancé’s passport was missing. So she cancelled the trip (claiming she only just realised the passport issue and that flights were too expensive by that point), asked for another date she could make it for, and basically made us change a lot of plans.
She is now visiting us but has made the entire experience miserable:
1. She was annoyed that I couldn’t collect her from the airport (I don’t drive and my husband was in a work meeting so we couldn’t do it). It meant her and her fiancé had to get a €100 taxi (bear in mind she is isn’t paying for anything else on the trip)
2. Since getting here, we have paid for everything for them, but she keeps complaining about the cost of things (as if pre-empting is asking for any contribution, which we wouldn’t do anyway)
3. She randomly got into a mood yesterday at a beach club and basically refused to speak to anyone or eat anything for the whole day. I have no idea why- I asked her if she would like some salad or pizza (or anything really) at lunch and she screamed at me that she wasn’t hungry
4. When trying to understand why she was so angry, she starts telling me I have no friends apart from gay guys (not true but even if it was, is that mean to be some sort of insult..like wtf?!?), that I am fat (I am a UK 8) and that no one likes me
She has since removed me from her social media.
I was in tears last night and can’t really sleep because I don’t know why she’s doing this. All I want is for her to have a nice time and relax! I don’t care about the money at all, and we are happy to cover things (It’s also not like she has financial concerns- she earns a LOT of money).
It’s weird because she is obsessed with taking photos and looking like she’s having a great time but she doesn’t seem to actually want to enjoy it. She also is apparently posting things about me which aren’t very nice (I have never experience this with anyone else- it just seems so tacky).
I really don’t know what to do or say to her without her shouting at me again. I have a friend staying and it’s particularly embarrassing as they don’t know what to do either.
TL;DR: my sister is making our vacation a miserable experience and I don’t know why
9 comments
What is your relationship like with your sister in general and when you are not on vacation together?
>she starts telling me I have no friends apart from gay guys (not true but even if it was, is that mean to be some sort of insult..like wtf?!?), that I am fat (I am a UK 8) and that no one likes me
I would not host someone in my home that treated me like that. It’s time for sis to go home. “Sis, you aren’t having a good time and you’re treating me (your host) poorly and as a results I am not having a good time either. I think it’s best if you change your plans and either head home or find somewhere else to stay.”
Oh, it’s because she’s incredibly jealous of you. Not to excuse her behavior, which is unacceptable, but that’s why.
The potential root of her jealousy requires some context on your relationship.
Has she ever behaved liked this towards you before? It could be that either she’s used to/was the more successful one earlier in life and now she feels she isn’t and hates that or it could be the other end of the spectrum, where you’ve always been more successful and this is just built up resentment over that. Either one could also be related to whether or not your parent(s) treated the two of you differently.
Is this normal behavior for her outside of a vacation context? Either way, this is pretty childish and unacceptable. I’d honestly send her packing after those episodes. Sorry OP, hope she comes to her senses and apologizes.
Is she staying with her fiance? Is this the first time vacationing with you and her fiance together? It genuinely doesn’t sound like a you problem, but that something else happened (argument with the fiance where he compared their relationship to yours, a compliment from a mutual friend aimed at you that made her feel like it was a jab at her, a job loss she’s been top embarrassed to admit, her fiance said you were pretty, who knows) and now you’re suffering the consequences of whatever that other thing was. I seriously doubt it’s your fault- but if you’ve already asked her and she just gets aggressive, ask her fiance. If he doesn’t have an answer (or won’t answer) then calmly but firmly tell her the next time she’s being pouty or mean that you’re on vacation, you and your husband were kind enough to invite her, and while you’ve gladly paid for her and wanted her to have a good time, you wont allow her to ruin yours just because she’s having an issue she refuses help with. Tell her this is her warning and that, the next time it happens, you’ll be asking her to find her own place to stay at her expense.
>I am fat (I am a UK 8)
Just to add clarity for US readers this is do thing like a US size 4 or 2.
Your sister is being an arse. I would suggest (i) seeing if you can see exactly what she is saying about you online and (ii) taking her to one side and asking her what the hell is going on. And perhaps reading her the riot act.
If she continues, then you and your friend should just focus on having a good time together and ignore her and her fiancé… Perhaps your husband can chat to the fiance and see what’s going on from his perspective….
Like someone else said, maybe she’s jealous of your good life. Maybe she recently got fired. Maybe her fiancé cheated with a gay guy. Maybe she has a brain tumor. Maybe she’s pregnant. There are a million possible reasons why she’s acting so upset and lashing out at you, but we on Reddit can’t say. She’ll have to be the one to tell you.
This is awful. You’ve tried to be nice and she’s taking it as a personal attack against her.
I suggest you pull her aside one on one. Ask her to go for a walk or something. Sit down and tell her you’re so happy that she’s here because you’ve missed her etc. Then ask her what you’ve done to upset her. If she gets defensive, let her know that you felt sad about (insert examples behaviour) and wanted to know what else you could do to make the rest of your time together pleasant.
You’ve got to open the conversation from a place of love and ask for her help to solve the issue together.
I know it sucks because she’s been a monster but if she’s being this irrational, you’ve got to come at it from the bottom up (you’re trying to support the relationship so are asking for feedback) instead of top down (she did wrong so you’re telling her off).
Ask her if she is ok. Really ok.
It sounds like something is going on and she’s projecting her insecurities/anger/frustration on you and she might think she’s being subtle when she isn’t.
If she continues acting out the day after your chat, don’t put up with her nastiness a minute longer though. Everyone is adult enough not to out up with bullying.
Is it this sister from your previous post?
> During this this time she told me how I was a horrible sister, that if we weren’t related she would never want to be friends with me, that she would never want to be in a marriage like mine and that I was ‘trying to be white’ because I married a white man (we are Middle Eastern but from a very liberal family where my parents have never told us who to marry and totally open to other races and religions).
If so then you already have your answer.