So reddit, I M18 found out my gf F18 of two years cheated on me in February to around march 10 through 15 with her extremely abusive online ex boyfriend who groomed her when she found out her ex messaged her on an old account she deleted but logged into again to read old messaged between us. She blocked him but later made a throwaway reddit and made a post telling him lots of things like how much she wished to be his girlfriend and how badly she wanted to stay with him and didn’t want to leave him again after making that post she talked about how much she missed him and wanted to be with him. She also said she “cried for hours” but she said she lied about that. I found the said throwaway through searching his @ out of curiosity
When I confronted her about all of this she denied it for about one minute until she knew i had seen it for certain. Upon realizing she quickly began to confess about what she did and how she had a twitter account she messaged him on rather regularly. She says that over time she remembered how abusive he was and how much better i was and stopped speaking to him, she also confessed to sending two nude photos of her ass that she felt forced to send she never asked for them from him. Throughout the time they spoke she seemed to love him quite a bit in the early stages until she realized her mistake, she says she never told him she loved him more than three times with all of those times being when he said it first.
When i asked her why she did it she says she wanted to feel pain and she does have a history of self harm and her relationship with that ex in particular left a lasting impact. She says didn’t really love him the way she does me and that she loves me much more she seems incredibly apologetic and i know if i were to leave her she would commit suicide.
I also asked her if she ever planned to confess and she said she planned on doing that eventually because she felt bad for keeping a secret and felt she couldn’t keep it forever but she said she never did it yet because she thought it would be fine if i didn’t know and thought it would be better for me if i never found out it happened at all. She also let me use her twitter accounts to see when her snd her ex last spoke but he was uncooperative, she may have told him to be that way but i find it unlikely.
Some last small details. Although she stopped talking to him early march she liked a post with that account march 27 and says she thinks she was planning on saying bye instead of ghosting him; but decided to not say bye and ghost him in the end. i find it strange she liked a post it feels like a weird thing to lie about let alone keep up with so many lies. Their last interaction was last week when she tagged him in something grooming related because her ex was a groomer and older than her and then she later said she dmd him and tagged him in an ass pic that wasn’t her to get his attention so he could see, she says she just wanted to hurt him. She did this around the time she accidentally found his twitter and she was extremely reluctant to give me his @ and later today admitted it a bit because she didn’t want me finding out but also just because she just began to feel bad being reminded of her ex in general. The last time she spoke to him before any of the times mentioned she says was when they broke up and she got with me. I also should mention when they first started talking she tried to stop talking to him but he kept messaging her and she got a notification that he kept asking for her to come back despite logging off the reddit, she says part of the reason it went on was because she felt bad for leaving him after talking to him again.
All in all, she seems extremely remorseful and apologetic insisting im the best shes ever had and says shes a monster for it and doesn’t deserve me at all.
She has answered all of my questions some of which were quite graphic with honesty. How should I proceed, is there saving this relationship? And if so how do we go about working through this. She has also helped write this post and given me quotes
TLDR: gf cheats with very shitty ex boyfriend
8 comments
There’s no saving it. She needs extensive therapy and to not be in a relationship at the moment. Regardless if it was self-sabotage/a form of self harm/ or genuine assholishness, she still betrayed your trust and relationship. You’ll live in constant anxiety over her doing it again and it’s just not worth it. Put yourself and your mental health first and move on.
This is not something that will go away with a handfull of Sorry’s . She does need help. But she has to be the one seeking help, Not you. She will go back to him again. The best thing you can do is talk to her about getting help and then you need to take a break from her until she gets her mental health back in order.
It’s possible to have a relationship that isn’t a total trainwreck
She really should see a doctor. This sounds very borderliny or something even more severe.
Well yes sir we would consider that to be a red flag
She is full of shit. If she loved you she wouldn’t have done this.
If this is truely grooming, she needs to see a therapist about it, and she should not be together with anyone.. Her bond is probably closer to an obsession or an addiction than anything else, and she’ll repeatedly go back to that pattern whenever she hits specific difficulties..
I don’t think there is anything to salvage, trust is almost impossible to build after something like this.
If you want to stay with a cheater go for it