TL/DR – what is the difference between simply dating someone and being boyfriend/girlfriend?
I’ve been talking to this guy for a couple of months now, we’ve spent several overnights together (I’m 41/F) he’s (48/M) just for posterity’s sake. I have never been in a full-on adult relationship and I’m flying blind as to what to expect, tbh. I am in no rush to define things but I just don’t know the difference between simply “dating” someone and actually being in a committed relationship?
Can anyone shed some light on the nuances for me?
7 comments
Dating is going on dates/getting to know someone, bf/gf is a deeper commitment- you’ve decided to commit to a relationship. At least i think thats right lol
Every boyfriend or girlfriend are dating, but not every person dating is a boyfriend or girlfriend.
There’s a lot of variables at play – personal ideas about relationships, cultural ideas around commitment and monogamy, etc.
But I think for a lot of people ‘just dating’ is the phase in which you’re getting to know each other without commitment. Some people date around during the ‘just dating’ phase. Some people don’t. Some people have sex during the phase, others don’t. So on and so forth.
Girlfriend and boyfriend are, in my eyes, the next stage of commitment. This is typically the stage where boundaries around fidelity are set. Is the couple going to be monogamous? Polyamorous? How does the couple define cheating?
Girlfriend/boyfriend is the stage before “partner”. In my eyes, a partner is someone you’re really serious about, that you have threaded into your life very deeply and plan to stay with long-term. It’s an even deeper level of commitment. It’s very similar to ‘spouse’, just without the legal and/or religious parts.
Dateing is hanging out with someone repeatedly to get to know them. Exclusivity is not assumed unless you both talk about it.
Being boyfriend and girlfriend or being committed means you are both monogamous to eachother unless you specifically discuss other arrangement or options.
“dating” is a very general term that covers everything from the first date until you get engaged/married. bf/gf is a status you agree to after having a conversation about it, it’s a type/subset of “dating”
You date until you decide to go exclusive and become gf/bf. Some people just go with the flow and when the partner introduces them as gf/bf they’re like “oh i guess that’s what we are”. I find that strange though. Being in a committed relationship is something your should both agree on, so in my opinion you’re not gf/bf until the conversation is had.
Have you explicitly defined the relationship? When you have the discussion where you are boyfriend/girlfriend then that’s what you are.
While sometimes it doesn’t need to be said because it’s obvious (eg spend all free time together and say other things like “I’m not dating anyone else”) explicit communication is better.