I, 39 year old female, waited until I got my career in order to prioritize dating, which meant I didn’t seriously start dating until later. Didn’t realized that was a bad idea. By no means am I model level of beauty but In my 20s and early 30s I had way more guys flirting and showing interest more than now. I still get the stares and flirty guys but it’s like they can sense that I’m older…because nothing else has changed…even my looks is not changed much in the last 10 years. On OLD on apps that allow users to filter their age preferences, I see that the guys I’m seeing are not nearly as attractive as the guys my gf that are younger by 4-5 years or more are seeing. But I guess that also means I like guys my age or younger so I’m realizing how this sounds. But I mean would you date an woman older than you if they had their career together and looked younger?
Edit: I’ll add this because well I feel it needs to be said. I welcome all comments on any post I create on here. Would prefer that the comments are helpful and contribute to my personal growth and not mean but can also understand that people communicate differently. But to clarify, based on a comment made below, I don’t regret going for my career instead of focusing on finding my partner. Some people do the balancing well. I wasn’t one of those people. But I am glad to have accomplished that because I’ve helped a lot of people as a result and I wouldn’t have been able to do so if I hadn’t gone through that process. But yes I sacrifice my options for a partner earlier in life as a result. This post is more to understand what others mind set is on dating older women and majority of the comments on here have been insightful. So thank you.
28 comments
Not if they want kids and marriage on the express route. Age is not a big deal but usually Things haven’t worked out for me with older women in the 29-40 range if they are trying to beat the biology clock and that smell of desperation is way too obvious. Otherwise I don’t think 39 is out there.
Not directly answering your question, but:
My concern is that this is happening to a very large portion of women across the board. As you mention, it may be a bad (risky) idea, imo. I say this in part because I don’t think men desire a career woman as much as women desire a career man. For a lot of men, I think a woman with a stable job is enough (ie not something that would take an undergraduate and masters degree to obtain).
To add to that, men who want children will likely be looking at women aged 24-30 (the attractive and higher status men, anyways), and the women entering the dating market more seriously will be in their early 30s. Add a few more years onto that (ie the time it takes to find the right person), and now you may be in your mid 30s.
Now, women will usually always be able to get men no matter the age, but the quality as you mentioned would drop significantly as more and more years pass.
To further add to it, as more and more women become more and more educated, and more and more financially successful, their standards for dating men will rise. They will not settle for a man who earns $40k a year when they are making $200k a year. Not in the same way a man would accept a woman in the reverse scenario, anyways. The upper elite bracket of men will then literally have all the options at their disposal (already happening now, but will likely get more pronounced).
These are uncharted times. New dating dynamics. We don’t know how it will all play out, but there are at least some concerns that are legitimate.
hmm, 39.
I’d of considered that age back when I was 35, possibly as young as 34, probably not (but definitely no younger, not quite sure why; maybe society’s brainwashed me?).
38M speaking.
Personally, I feel it’s a question about having kids or not. If I didn’t want kids, I wouldn’t mind going out with a older women.
No I wouldn’t and I’m sure many guys realistically wouldn’t.
It seems like you’re aware of the “mistake” you made by waiting this long, now it’s time to face the consequences of that.
Which means you’ll have to stick to dating guys your age now, even if you find them unattractive.
So…you are not lying about your age in OLD apps like everyone else?
You made a mistake. Guys don’t care about your carrer because at the end of the day, your money is your money and my money is “our” money.
Within a margin, yes. I range a decade, but that’s total; not above and/or below. Five years older or younger…I’m actually not certain how I came to that number, but it keeps me from robbing the cradle and the crypt.
Good on you for focusing on your career. You’re never too old to start dating anyone. There’s someone out there for everyone. I wished I focused on my career before finding a man.
>waited until I got my career in order to prioritize dating
#BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE
But I don’t have to tell you that 😂😂😂😂
I mean, yeah, men are generally going to prefer younger women, especially if they want to have kids.
Absolutely. I’m 43 and would date an older woman generally speaking. My wife may trade me in for a newer model one day who knows. I wouldn’t go younger. We tend to associate age with maturity, I don’t want to be some young woman’s daddy fetish. I would watch out for young guys and their cougar fetish. A successful older woman, no kids or relationship attachment is a golden apple. I know I’d line up for a bite in that situation.
After reading the comments and everything. Everyone has their life to live. You chose what was best for you and your career. Now, as far as dating. You may just have to open up your preferences just a bit. Cause I think there’s plenty of guys that would date a woman older then them and established already? Sign me up! 30M by the way.
For long term? No.
Simply because biology is not compatible with my time frames and future goals.
Unless she was Jane Dorian. In that case maybe!
I’m 40, had my kids young and they are grown. I feel and look younger than my age as I now get more time for me. I also have an established career. I am at the point where I truly want to find someone to build a future with, but the hurdle is finding ‘uncomplicated’ becomes harder as we get older. I know I’m not younger than you, but based on your current life situation, I would totally date you. It’s not about the number, it’s about the journey 🙏
“Would you date an older woman?”
“…the guys I’m seeing are not nearly as attractive as the guys my gf that are younger by 4-5 years or more are seeing.”
“I guess that also means I like guys my age or younger so I’m realizing how this sounds.”
So basically, if you were a guy, you probably wouldn’t choose to date yourself! 😂
When I was in my 20s/30s, I dated and hooked up with women who were up to 10-12 years older.
However, I met them in real life at nightclubs/dance clubs, parties, and other social gatherings.
My guess is it easier to find guys who will date an attractive older woman in real life than it would be meeting them online. As you mentioned OLD sites (give users the ability to filter by age) and most younger guys aren’t probably putting in age ranges much higher than their own.
This means you could look like Jenifer Lopez, Halle Berry, Kim or Khloe Kardashian and these guys would never know you had a profile on the site just based upon how they filter for age.
As far as OLD is concerned you basically have two options.
1. Lie about your age in your profile in order to appear in younger age range searches.
2. Expand your own search by considering older guys (maybe join a niche site for 40 and over).
As for establishing your career and other personal achievements those are usually “icing” on the cake. Most men aren’t looking to date women to be taken care of. They would rather date a “hot looking” restaurant hostess or cocktail waitress over a “plain Jane” doctor or attorney.
Men in their 40s/50s are much more likely to welcome having you, and they’re successful too.
***”Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated. If they can’t see the real value of you, it’s time for a new start.”*** – Unknown
With OLD, if someone *doesn’t find your profile photo attractive*, they won’t bother reading it.
You might want to consider joining a few hobby/interest groups or singles networking mixer groups on the Meet Up site or single network groups through LinkedIn if you live near a decent size city. Research the nightlife in your area to find where people your age go to socialize.
Most people you meet don’t become dates, most dates don’t become relationships, and most relationships don’t lead to marriage. As one old adage goes: “Many are called but few are chosen.”
Essentially your plight is a cautionary tale for anyone who puts off dating and enjoying life.
Our society tends to place more value on beauty and youth than wisdom and experience.
***”The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.”*** – W.M. Lewis
***”Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now.”*** – Paulo Coelho
***”Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is.”*** – Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
My grandma didn’t get married until she was in her late 40s so you definitely still have time. I got married at 25 and now I am in my early 30s and many days I which if I had waited and built my career first. So at the end of the day don’t let anyone tell you building your career 1st was a mistake.
Depends on how you would define older women..
I was 15 when i started dating my gf (18yo at that time).
And now were almost 18 and 21.
Now ? Nope . i did so many years ago because she was different and i liked the maturity. But as i got older i found the cons outweighed the pros for me unfortunately :/.
When I was in my 30s I dated much younger men. One day my daddy met my current boyfriend and I know she wasn’t his real polite cheerful self. As I started walking the house with my boyfriend my daddy called me back to his truck and asked me how old is that boy? I said will daddy you know what they say old men like young women and young men like old women and turned around and walked in the house. It is a wonderful feeling to have sex drive of a Young Man and only young men can satisfy that sex drive that I didn’t have in my late teenage and 20 something years old. But once I reached about 33 oh hell it was on. Enjoy it because it won’t last forever. You then start dating a man you’re on age or a little bit young girl but not that much younger.
I’d say that on dating apps if you are getting matches from younger men, then you know that those men don’t mind dating someone older. I guess it just boils down to whoever asks you out on a dating app.
I would
This comes down to person to person, But for me and many others, age differences are always accepted, As long as the person clicks in your head and you are compatible what are a few years of age going to do ?
Obviously this brings the whole ” kids ” argument into play but that also comes down to people and how they view it, and if its a deal breaker thats just their preference.
M32…two of my 3 dates that I’ve had in the last year were with older women ,38 and 47 but there was no chemistry between us so it stopped at the first date.
43m here. 39 is considered an older woman?
As for me, I have no problem dating a woman even 10 years older than me. But the age range of women I date is between 6-8 years younger and older. I don’t want kids, but unfortunately many women in their 40s, I have noticed, wants kids. So for you situation, it highly depends if you want kids or not.
💯 age is just a number. You can always find love if you are open to it. The hard part is just finding that special person.
Don’t try to lie to yourself about looking younger. Even Asian celebs( Asians usually age much better than whites anyway) look young enough on pics but show signs of aging irl anyway. You’ll always have air/signs of a 40yo woman. Be realistic
If a well rounded single man in his late 20s to mid 30s is looking for a partner for a family you may of missed that boat. Accept the most likely men that maybe hitting you up will be older. You say you are still attractive but then say your not attracting the men you want