I’m scared of fighting, every time I fight in school my heart starts beating so fast and I’m shaking so bad and then I hit them and run and I feel like I’m a coward, but when it comes to my brothers and its a serious fight I’m not scared. My question is how can I not be afraid when fighting people bigger than me and people that I don’t know?

44 comments

  1. Why are you fighting so often in school? It’s obviously natural to be scared when you’re physically threatened.

  3. You seem terribly young. There are very few people in this world that walk into a fight with zero fear, usually arrogant people who many times find themselves on the floor unconscious. Fear helps you keep your guard up and reminds you that you are not invincible, don’t drive it away. Use it. Also, stop fighting lol

  4. Take some form of martial arts classes.

    First, it will reduce that fear by a significant margin.

    Second, it will actually help you be calmer and not fight it out; find other methods/opportunities to sort conflicts out.

    Third, if needed, it will help you kick some serious ass.

    But, always, be safe, and violence is **never** the answer.

  5. Do boxing. Boxing is a very powerful and dangerous fighting form. You will learn how to stay calm as you will spar with others who can easily knock out a guy on the street. But you will also gain a sense of confidence when you realize that you are training to become powerful.

  6. This is a part of being human… Fighters (although probably have confrontational temperament) also get scared specially after getting hit, and that’s what sparring is for.

    This was a good idea posting it on r/socialskills since most of it got to do with how you handle things. Because actual things are often simple, subtle but tend to be uncomfortable with some awkwardness and at times, pure fucking pain. Grow from learning to deal with those experience

  8. If you’re under 18, please try seeking an adult to help you avoid getting into fights. It’s not normal to be in physical fights like this, especially not on a regular basis. If the adult you go to first doesn’t listen, keep going to different adults until someone helps you. Stand up for yourself by asking for help, you deserve to live a life where you’re not in fear of physical violence. Don’t let anyone tell you this is normal. It is not and you deserve better!

  9. It’s the adrenaline rush mate. I understand how bad it feels to see yourself shaking, try to control your breathing. There are situations in life where you have no other choice than to respond physically. Surround yourself in an environment where you wouldn’t have to much. Cheers mate

  10. The worst part about fighting is how terrifying it gets the more you learn about how your body works and things can go wrong in a split second. I knew a guy who got in a bar fight and went blind in one eye because he got hit. He says he barely felt it, thought someone was grabbing his face until the fight was over and he still couldn’t see.

    Have fun fighting ! Make sure you take the other guy down before they get you!

  11. It’s normal to be nervous when you’re new to being physically intimate with someone. You need to be the bigger man and kiss him first while you guys are wrestling. The tension and fear will go away as this progresses to making out.

  12. That’s your fight or flight response kicking in, and it’s completely normal when under threat, which you are if you’re being physically attacked! Be kind to yourself.

    Please talk to your parents of safe people at school about the bullying. It isn’t OK in any circumstance

  14. Avoid fighting at all costs, if you’re cornered and forced to defend yourself strike them as hard as you can with whatever heavy object you find around (without killing the bully), if you show them you’re crazy and dangerous they’ll pick another victim

  15. If you’re nervous it’s probably because you don’t want to fight, and so it would be better to avoid doing it.

    The only times I’ve punched people, I didn’t even really make a conscious decision to do so and I can’t remember doing it. It just happened.

    I know that school can sometimes be prison rules. Sometimes you have to show you’re willing to battle to stop getting punked.

    There’s a lot to be nervous about. Getting hurt is never fun. Plus the public humiliation of getting beaten is almost worse. Maybe you say to these guys ‘Listen, it’ll just be you and me. None of your friends around to jump in. Just you and me’. That would help with the potential embarrassment (and no fucking phones around. Holy shit, I’m glad there were no cellphones when I was at school.) Also, bullies want an audience. If you say you are totally willing to fight them, but with no audience, they might back out.

    Just an idea. I know it’s not easy.

    Also, embarrassment can be a useful weapon. If someone bullies you and you’re like “Stop touching me! Stop touching my penis!” that can sometimes work. Bullies are cowards. Always. If you’re smaller than them, they may be willing to fight you. But if you’re better than them at making someone look foolish. They will back off. Also, being funny can help win over people who are just looking for entertainment. If you say loudly “I don’t want to wrestle with you! I don’t like the way you always touch my body!” That might get a big laugh and put you in a winning position.

  18. I was like that tbh so I gave out that vibe that makes others respect me, And fear me if they wanted to start a fight with me.
    It started when I was at some school when someone of my class fighted me, I cried a lot with tears.
    I was ashamed, and couldn’t have friends at all cause of that, and didn’t find a solution to this.
    But later I went to another school, I couldn’t let myself be like that again.
    I had the body of a bad boy and a mind of a smart boy.
    I sat with them I mean the “backbenchers”.
    Learnt their way of speaking and doing these bad habits.
    I helped them in exams too, made myself an interesting one between them.
    Later I met those who made fun of me back in the days, but i wasn’t alone, we didn’t fight or something we just had that eye contact and everyone just moved on their way.

  20. I mean… I was in the literal military where fighting is your job, and I still found it scary. I think most people are scared of fighting to some extent just as part of human nature- people generally are afraid when their lives or safety are threatened. That’s part of the nature of fear. Even people who act hard and would never admit are often afraid.

    There’s no reason to be fighting all the time. Literally walk away if possible. I know it isn’t cool, it isn’t hard, it doesn’t make you look like a big man, but it’s better that way.

  21. Most people do not fight that much. But I did growing up! My brothers were also bullies so it was a double whammy.

    What you gotta do is become fluid like water. It doesn’t matter which martial art you take on. Just start one that interest you and stick with it. But if your life circumstances are requiring you to fight so much, you need to practice fighting daily.

    If your bullies are not training to fight daily, then you will be able to over take them easily in little time. Then the fear will move from you to them. They will avoid you and not want to fight you because they will experience pain if they do.

  22. If you’re being violently bullied, it may be time to tell an adult you trust 💜 no one should be physically endangered at school

  23. Confidence helps. But its anxiety not fear. If you can manage anxiety you will be better off. Maybe why its easy with your brothers is because you know they won’t try to kill you, but in a real situation anxiety sets in its the unknown outcome thats where Confidence comes in if you’re confident then there’s no unknown outcome. Its not something you can just do, you should practice and meditate on it.

  24. This is not fine at all. Is there anyone you can talk about this with?
    There is no shame in being afraid of physical threat. It is normal. You never know what could happen. This is real trouble and i dont really know how to help best. You ask of getting better as if you would expect for it to never end. There is an end to this. You dont need to fight forever. Please talk to someone you feel like could help. You deserve peace and a good time in school.

  28. Fight, they way to help not let your fear of fighting hold you back is to fight. The more you fight then more you’ll he able to overcome this fear. But the fear will never go away, it’s natural for you to be afraid.

    Also try not to fight if possible

  31. Every single person with a heartbeat is scared in a fight. Doesn’t make you a coward to be scared, as long as you stand up for yourself anyway.

  33. Do everything you can to escape that environment or end the violence.

    It doesn’t matter how miserable these people are making you, it will end before too long.

    Adults will forever punish you for both being bullied and fighting if they discover your past.

    Run! It is four years or a lifetime of punishment.

  34. UNPOPULAR OPINION ALERT:
    The best option is to never fight. But….
    If you are seriously challenged and hurt badly, you must respond with no regard or mercy. Take your punches, deliver twice the blows. Maybe you won’t win but people will see you’ll stand your ground. Maybe you’ll lose this battle but your focus should be on winning the war. They threaten to kick your ass every day? Do they have a car? Slash all their tires. No car? Pour milk in their lockers. Do whatever it takes to convince them you’re not worth fucking with. Oh, they’ll probably still kick your ass. Stick with the plan.
    Yeah, I did this kind of shit. I got met with confrontation from school authorities. I stuck up to them too. My response: “You’re not doing a fucking thing about this, now I have to, and what? I have to ‘pay a price’? Suspend me then, it’ll get me out of this shit for a week and I’ll still end up doing your job for you when I get back”.
    They’ll give you all kinds of shit too. Tell you you’re the troubled person. Yeah, MFer, because you won’t do your job. Don’t be shy to let them know you’ll take it to the county level and beyond. They’ll give you more shit. STAND YOUR GROUND.

  36. JUST FUCKIN GO! Dont think. JUST FUCKIN GO! my motto anyway. Applies to many different scary situations. Mostly fun ones hopefully. Dont be afraid to get beat up sometimes. Thats life. Learn from it. JUST FUCKIN GO!

  37. Be afraid. Take that energy and use it to defend yourself. Fear isn’t the issue. Discipline and focus is what you need. Martial arts training will help you get it.

  38. You must build confidence in yourself and your skills. Get a punching bag if you can and use it often – everyday for at least 5 days a week. Give yourself at least a day to recover. Learn how to properly strike, take classes such as boxing, kickboxing or any martial art. If you can’t afford that right now watch youtube.

    The only way to build confidence in a fight is to build up your skills and strength. Start doing push ups, pull ups and calisthenics as well.

  39. Use your knee right in her arse and after uppercut/knee on the forehead should give you more confidence to go threw the fight

  41. Man it a fight you supposed to be scared that’s your human instinct trying to protect you and give you an advantage

  42. Yeah well…your brain doesn’t want to volunteer itself to be damaged so yeah if you’re being attacked by enemies bigger than you fear makes sense. The people larger than you and trying to kick your ass are the real cowards. I know you’re not going to like that answer because you want to somehow flip the switch off of millions of years of evolution but that’s kinda how it is.

  44. Being that it’s in a school setting. I seriously recommend wrestling.
    Multiple reasons:
    1. Unlike every other martial art, in middle school and Highschool… wrestling is free. Saw someone else recommend BJJ… but most schools are going to run you 200-500 a week [depending on where you live]. Again wrestling is free!
    2. Of all sports wrestling offers the most scholarships of any other sport in the USA. Plus unlike the other sports… to get these scholarships you only have to be good… not potential pro.
    3. Wrestling is taught in a controlled environment. Why is this important in context? The fear you describe experiencing is due to natural survival instincts. The only way to learn to suppress such instincts is through training and repetition. The only way to safely practice physical altercation is in a controlled environment. Random fight with some fuck head [like you’re currently doing] is just going to result in either you seriously getting hurt… or you accidentally really hurting someone else. Neither of those are good options.
    4. Not trying to be all pro jock, but let’s be pragmatic… schools both public and private always place priority on their athletes above all else. Everyone can hate it as much as they want… but its a reality that’s historic in fact.
    5. You’ll have tougher friends too, at the very least acquaintances… which will result in less people wanting to fuck with you.
    6. More people will respect you, including you. Not because you’re this new bad ass… but because you’re taking charge of a bad situation and learning how to adapt and mitigate it to the best of your abilities.
    7. You’ll get in better shape and health. This obviously will help you do better in life. Mental health, physical health, even emotional health due to not being fucked with so much.

    School years sucks. I’m sorry you’re going through all you’re going through. It will get better, regardless if you take my suggestion above or not. Yet that fear fight or flight response will only be controlled through training and repetition…
    Be safe.

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