I (F19) am in my second year of university and let’s just say I havnt had the best of luck with choosing friends in uni 🙁
Last year I stayed in a hall on campus so made heaps of friends in the first week and we all kinda stuck in one group, no one was really exclusively best best friends with anyone. There were kinda toxic undertones because we were all first year students and making a big friend group was kind of like a survival thing so we weren’t alone. We would have breakfast lunch and dinner together and would have a group chat but I never felt like any of us really clicked or connected with anyone else in the group, people had shared interests but it never felt like a real genuine friendship group.
My closest friend in that group was a guy, he was 19 and I was 18 at the time. We aren’t friends anymore and we don’t take at all because he sexually assaulting me in front of my bf last year(M20). There had been previous events which he would just be creepy and go a bit to far commenting on my body and secretly watching me get dressed but what happened that night is he placed his hand under my skirt while I was sitting down and tried to touch me. He isn’t a great guy… He also didn’t leave the friendship group for a while after that even when I had told some others what he had done so like kinda toxic friendship group vibes. In the end he kinda only got kicked out of the friendship group for breaking the covid lockdown laws and one girl (let’s call her S) screamed at him and just made new group chats without him (S is very very very toxic and manipulative, unfortunately I didn’t realize that until recently)
For context me and my bf have been together for about 4 years and I moved across the country and to another state to do my university. We are really good at long distance and our relationship hasn’t dramatically changed or anything with the distance because we just call and text and FaceTime all the time, and then when we get to be together it makes it feel more magical and important. But also my bf has an amazing ability to just instantly be able to analyze a person as soon Ashe meets them about like what kind of person they are and like all that kind of stuff.
Anyway this year we decided as a group that we didn’t want to stay in a hall, we wanted to stay in a university sharehouse. It was NOT a good idea. We have 2 different apartments , 3 people in each. Long story short it has been like 5 months loving here and two people already left because S bullied and harassed them and threatened to make a police report about one of them which would have resulted in them getting kicked out of university. I live in the apartment with S, every single day I feel scared and anxious about coming home because she is so toxic and will just explode and screen and it is always targeted at me. Like I genuinely feel anxious every single day coming back from campus, I will leave really early in the morning to go to the library to study before she wakes up and I will get back pretty late so I can just immediately go to sleep and just avoid her, this also means that often I don’t eat dinner which is really really really bad for my health and I know that I am just so scared of her and her reign of terror. The worse thing is that she has manipulated everyone else into thinking she is the best and everything which means so I can’t talk to anyone of them and I can’t tell her that she makes me anxious because that would just result in her yelling at me more plus the people who left don’t want to talk to me either coz they think I will just tell S
My friends in high school also weren’t very good people, they would often bully me and use me.
After meeting S for the first time my bf literally said watch out for her she is probably gonna be really manipulative
Because of all the bullshit with S I have decided I don’t want roommates next year. But I know that means I won’t have any “friends”.
TLDR: I’ve got a really bad history of picking really terrible people as friends so now that I am going to go and live by myself I’m worried that I’ll make bad friends again.