i just need to get this off my chest. to start off, i love my dad and he’s generally nice to me. but there’s some things he does that just leave me so upset and hurtful. so i had been working on very low sleep past few days and today i went out with my sister and cousin. i was having such a nice day. but then, when i came home, i started working on my project again that is due tomorrow. i was dead tired and exhausted and my eyes were giving up. then my dad pops up suddenly and starts asking stuff. i try to answer them as much as i can in my tired state. then i don’t know from fucking where he tells me that “we all do so much for you. and you get so impatient when you ask us to do something and it’s not done. you want it done quickly. and then when you have to do the same thing for us, you’ll not do it. you don’t do it”. i sighed. it was all so exhausting. i told him calmly that i do try to do things, like if mom wants something, i do try to get it for her. he was like no. you do only because YOU want. not for us. you always do what’s in your heart. i have known you for 22 years and i know how you are. i realised by this time by dad was calling me selfish. and it stung and hurt a lot. because i was someone who never expressed themselves, but i don’t remember him trying to put an effort for me to open up. it was always assumed that i was the kid who was lost in her own thoughts. no one tried to come to my world and tried to see things like i did. so yeah, i felt stung when my dad claimed that he knew me. but also by this time i was so exhausted. i told him (again calmly), that if it bothers so much to you then i’m not expecting any of you to do what i tell you. just don’t do it. i’ll be okay with it. this, for some reason, angered him so much. he was like, wow, you’re telling that to me? fine. won’t do anything for you.
and honestly i was so exhausted by this, i just did not tell anything. and he was like so shocked that i spoke in ‘that’ tone, which i don’t even know what it means, because i was very calm. still, i did not want anything to escalate so i apologised and told him im dead tired from all this work. then he lashed out again saying that why did that give me an excuse to behave like that, and in his words, “if you’re acting like that everytime you’re tired, why should we take it?”. i had no words. i don’t even tell him i was tired often. and the one time i did, it got thrown back at me like some petty excuse i was using to get out of my “bad behaviour”.
im so exhausted. he always does this. he wants us all to he understanding when he’s mad or upset about something because his belief is that “if you’re not understanding of me now, tomorrow, if i go mad, you all will abandon me” and i’ve tried telling him so many times that’s not true but god. im just so tired. but everytime this happens when i have a genuine excuse to have a day off, he’s at my throat. im so upset by this. i was having an amazing day until this. i just don’t know what to do.