So I (22f) have a pretty nice group of 4 friends and this was our last year together living in the same city. We made hugeee plans for this year and my friend (22m) was the one that actually suggested almost every plan. He wanted to do little trips, visit a new country, go hiking, go to the beach at the summer, go to all the parties that are going to happen and so on. We started the year by doing this and we were enjoying so much and then suddenly he got a girlfriend. We were actually very happy for him because it’s a girl that he tried to get for a couple of years. And then everything changed. For the past 6 months he didn’t hang out with us a single time. Every party that we went he never came, every trip that we did he never joined us. As for the other plans we had to cancel them too because it’s was supposed to be with all us together. Besides that I feel like a lost a friend with whom I had a very cool connection. I could talk with him about everything and our walks of 2h just taking about life was one of my favorite things to do. Especially because he’s a guy and he helped me a lot to understand better my relationships. So today one of our friends had a birthday party and he did came either. I was sure that he would go… I feel so sad and very very irritated. Am I being an asshole for thinking like this? In one month we will go live in other cities/countries and never see each other again (or very rarely). Why people forget about their friends when start dating? Is it a normal thing to do? I just feel like our friendship was kinda fake now and he just didn’t have anyone better to hang out with.
Tl;dr – after starting dating my friend forgot about us and now I feel like our friendship wasn’t real
3 comments
Some people lose themselves when they get into relationships. Nothing you can do about it but move on.
Some people do this. They will drop everyone except who they are dating. It has nothing to do with you necessarily. They would just rather spend all of their time with their partners.
Or his girlfriend has an issue with you and the other females in the group. She could be insecure, jealous, and even controlling and she’s making him feel bad for having any contact with you.
Have you tried asking him?
Sometimes, especially at the beginning of a new relationship. Its not really healthy for a relationship to spend ALL of your time with your SO, so hopefully he will eventually find a way to balance his friendships with his romantic life.
That said, can he find ways to introduce her to your friend group and maybe include her on some group outings? I can see him changing vacation plans once there is a serious partner in the picture (after all, at least in the U.S., we often have limited vacation time, so going on a vacation without a partner might be an issue).