I’ve been hooking up with this guy for a few years now. Usually we’re not exclusive but the last few months we’ve been only seeing each other and I want more than just hooking up after work and hanging out until it’s time to go to work again. When I tell him this he says he doesn’t wanna put a label on it and he likes how we are.
But whenever I mention someone wants to take me on a date and get to know me. He gets all butthurt saying I’m trying to leave him while he’s working for us to have a better life. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WANT TO PUT A LABEL ON IT ! So wtf is he talking about?
I think he loves and cares about me like he says he does. He’s proven it a couple times…. But idk, I just can’t shake the feeling that he’s just using me until he can find better. I feel like his little secret. Idk tho maybe he just doesn’t show love the same way I do? Idk what to think… any opinions?
3 comments
> while he’s working for us to have a better life.
Hmmm? Ask him to explain precisely what he’s doing towards that ‘better life’.
It sounds like you want to be (i) exclusive and (ii) have it be known publicly to friends (and maybe family?) that you are an item.
You’ve been going at this for two years and must surely be into each other. I guess my suggestion would be to tell him the above two things are important to you and would like to progress the relationship. You may put the arrangement at some risk and likely end up at a decision point for yourself depending on how he reacts.
If he says no after you firmly explain your position you can either just ignore what happened and continue the arrangement or end it.
If you are under ~27 I see less of an issue just continuing. If you are over ~27 and want a serious relationship you should significantly reduce the amount of time you spend with him because you are wasting precious time.
Sounds to me that he wants you enough to keep you to himself but not enough to make things official. Dump him, you deserve better. I usually take them at face value when they say they don’t want anything serious. If you do want a label, then find a man who is willing to give that to you.