What are the perks of dating you?

27 comments

1. 2.5 seconds of 2.25” heaven

2. I can get you free tickets to classical/ballet concerts

3. I’ll be your dungeon master

4. You can appreciate other men easier.

5. I can read the newspaper and find the good stuff.

6. 20% chance of attacking first

7. I’m a decent boyfriend. Local old folks home agrees.

8. I watch a mean movie

9. Three Words: Clean Room Experience

10. I’m always up for whatever, I love to make people laugh, I have a stable and decently paying job, I’m fat so you can stay warm in the winter months and I’m very difficult to kidnap.

11. I like to cook, I’ve never been unfaithful, I take care of my business, and I will never monopolize your time.

12. We can talk deep things and I will always make sure to support you if you want to start new things.
    I can cook and I can make jokes when I feel like you need to hear one

13. I can cook. Like, respectably well. Like from scratch and shit. I also don’t mind washing dishes.

    On the flip side, I cook for a living and usually smell like food. For better or worse.

14. Fun pirate facts

15. I have a steady job, I’m reliable , I’m funny. Respectful, open minded and open to new things. I’m up for binging Netflix as well as going out. I appreciate small gestures. I can sort of cook. I’m not dragging around BS or baggage. I have a friendship group that’s varied. I’m responsible, ambitious. I’m over weight but I’m going to the gym and trying to work on it. I’m also independent.

16. I… uh… will eat almost anything you cook without getting fat?

17. I’ll play dnd and im so ugly I can’t cheat.

18. Giant… Heart

19. I can cook, I’m a walking diary, I enjoy my flower garden and will bring you flowers from it

20. I can open the jar.

21. Great cuddles. I’m hella funny. I’ll cook for you. I’ll clean. I give great oral. Not afraid of PDA but respect it if it’s not your thing. I’ll get you chocolates and pamper you on your period. I’ll clean your car off when it snows. I’ll watch your shows with you. I’m great at giving massages!

    All I ask is I get some space with just me or even just us (not always with your friends), I can still listen to my records and paddleboard, and we have a life outside of our relationship too. I’ll respect your private life

22. …There aren’t any.

23. I cook, clean and will go down on you every single day.

24. Im really great at…. Ill… Um… Make you feel… Um…

    Nope, got nothing.

25. You’ll be the attractive one.

26. My tiny hands make my tiny dick look adequate

27. I’m a real adult

    Costco, Netflix, Amazon

    I have got all three.