*So I want to start by saying this story isn’t about me as I am a 19M. The story is about my friend but I am going to write it in first person with all the knowledge she gave me. (I have her permission to post this here)*
I have been with my now fiancé for four years now. Recently engaged but I am unsure of whether or now I still like him.
For months a long time now I have wanted to do an open relationship because of the fact that while I love(d) my fiancé I find it hard to be monogamous. I want the security he brings to me and my feelings while someone else satisfies me in…other ways. I will come clean and say that I have emotionally cheated in the past after he made me mad because of a female neighbor of his that he was a childhood friend with that we moved past but I still find myself wanting more.
Enters my former coworker. We started talking while working together usually in groups. He taught me how to drive stick shift which led to us talking more. Eventually I developed feelings for him and while I haven’t cheated physically it is definitely emotional.
One day while my fiancé and I were talking I brought up how I didn’t know if I still wanted to be with him and how I started having feelings for this other guy. His way of getting me to stay, asking to get married. As u can see I didn’t say no but I also haven’t stopped being involved with my former coworker. Every time I try to leave him or broach the subject of us breaking up my fiancé gets me to stay.
On one hand I like that I get to have a one sided open relationship with the security he brings while also keeping him on the back burner should the new guy not work out but on the other I know this is all going to blow up in my face so am tempered to just ride it all out. We are currently in the process of buying a house together which complicates things more.
*back to me
I have told her that this is a horrible idea and she needs to leave him herself since she holds all the power in this situation as he won’t leave her and she knows she is in the wrong. She is adamant that whole messed up it’s fine since it hasn’t hit the fan yet but…buying a house with him?
While personally I say he is an idiot for not letting go and she is horrible for staying for her benefit I offered for a neutral perspective here.*
Tl;DR I have a fiancé but want another guy and won’t break up
3 comments
This is why you don’t get engaged one year out of being a teenager. You have no clue who you are or what you want yet.
If she wants to waste a bunch of money and have to start from scratch in two years then by all means buy a house at 20 with someone she’s going to break up with anyways.
First of all, if you have a wedding date, put it off.don’t marry him while you have these feelings, you’ll fuck with both of your lives.
I think the only way to resolve this is to talk, which there’s a good chance you guys will break up.you don’t want monogamy, you’re going to have an extramarital relationship if you keep it up.
You have to do what’s right for you, and if you’re having doubts/desires/what-ifs then you owe it to yourself AND your fiance to open up about this and find some clarity. Do you need to put off the commitment, take a break, or just talk things through? It might be difficult to face, but doubts now are simpler to address than doubts 15 years in.