He has worked from home the last year where he’s made a workspace in our bedroom on his side of the bed and would work there while I rested on my side of the bed most of the days. He enjoyed that and I did too until recently.
I got to where I didn’t want to be in the room with him anymore while he worked so I would get up and busy myself during the day just to be away from him and I would return to the bedroom at night for bedtime.
After a couple weeks he started catching on and began making proposals about him moving his workspace somewhere else (gauging my reaction).
Finally he started using a different room for work.
Still busying myself during the day so that he wouldn’t catch on, I’ve gotten to where I don’t like going to the bedroom at bedtime anymore either and have resorted to sleeping in the guest bedroom the last 3 nights instead.
First night I stayed away from the house until bedtime. We usually always use our bedroom bathroom to shower. This night I didn’t shower at all because that meant I’d have to engage him in conversation if I went in the bedroom to get to the bathroom.
Second night I got home early enough to have a light conversation with him before bed, but still didn’t use the shower we usually shared. I could have showered in another shower but afraid of him catching on, I just didn’t shower at all
Today I busied myself so much he could tell I was very “motivated” to get the house cleaned, I snuck in the shower in between changing loads of laundry while he was in his new office with hopes that I could take a shower quick enough I wouldn’t have to worry about him walking in and I did😁. Then after more cleaning, I ended up returning to guest room to rest. And he’s came in twice to talk to me and I noticed i didn’t even enjoy the conversation with him after having not talked to him very much at all the last couple of days. I began to feel more and more resentment build as he spoke because he just seems so far on a different page than I am. I politely tried to get him to leave both times. First time he did. Second time he refused and resulted in a big blow up when i slipped and told him I lost respect for him and he told me it was over. And I’m afraid it might be by the severity of the blow up.
I feel all of these things about him but have comfort in staying married to him and I guess I just really don’t know how to start working toward trying to resolve my issues with him because I tried for so long unsuccessfully. He needs real mental help but proceeds to think he only needs therapy in moderation. I can’t win for losing. Any advice?
****background info*****
He took away my cell phone and lended me one to use with parental controls all over it, he took away my car keys and refused to give them back claiming he didn’t have them, I’ve had to call a locksmith 4 times to replace them each time. He’s taken my computers, laptops, tablets away from me and stored them in a room of the house only he has the door code to, the house is so heavily surveillanced, I’m being monitored 24/7. At any disagreement, he’s calling the police on me to instill fear. He has destroyed my relationships with family and isolated me. He’s moved all of his deposits to a private account and only puts small amounts of money in joint account at his convenience. He doesn’t care about my feelings and doesn’t consider them nor does he care about the impacts his behavior has on me. He’s abusive and really controlling.
He’s even started taking my daughters electronics away at any disagreement with me
11 comments
This is why we were meant to GO to work
I can’t tell if this is real, it’s difficult to follow.
Advice is usually, sit down, have a conversation about whatever is going on, decide on a compromise.
You laid in bed all day while he worked?
If you don’t respect him then you shouldn’t be with him.
Hopefully that last big blow up is the end and you can both go be happy
I don’t understand what your husband has done. He works all day while you lay in bed. When got the sense you wanted him to move his office, he voluntarily moved to a different part of the house.
You lost respect for him? Why should he respect you?
I honestly think you are mentally I’ll and need to seek help.
I read the comments in this post. He doesn’t want you to work, he blows up when you try to talk to him. He is working in bed with you next to him.. it sounds like he is controlling you by keeping you physically close to him all the time. This seems kind of scary and I’d contact a counselor to talk this over with.
Are you doing something on the internet that may have changed your feelings about you husband?
A man’s opinion here! Men are relatively stupid in terms of leaving subtle hints. You need to tell him the truth and why. If it is just that you don’t respect him, you need to tell him the reasoning. It’s a pride thing for men to be loved and respect him so you can’t just say that you don’t respect him.
Both of you seek counselling, whether individual or together. There are clearly some underlying issues on both sides that need to be unpacked.
Ok, so basically you are a procrastinator and internalize everything making assumptions. Poor guy. Better express how you feel about the situation before it is too late. Mind reading is a recipe for disaster.
What in heavens name is actually going on in this post. She’s showing the progression of how she’s distancing from her husband and does not explain what is wrong ? He’s controlling ? How? Over what? You lay in bed all day – why? Are you ok with this? This is not healthy. Working every day from a bed is also not sustainable. This is all so bizarre.
You are in an abusive relationship. Check out u/ebbie45. She’s a counselor who’s posted some great information. Good luck.