I met this guy through work and we started to hang out a lot but always kinda work related (but for the type of work we do, it’s not necessary to work together so I would take that as an excuse to get to know each other lol) since two months ago.
It’s a bit hard for me to tell how he thinks about me.
He isn’t particularly flirty but we text almost everyday. He would share his day and ask how is mine. He only friendly touched my shoulder like three or four times when we meet in person for the past two months. But he drives me home sometimes and I def not on his way home. So I told him that I will buy him a drink for return.
He finally invited me for a drink this coming weekend. I wonder if I can consider it’s a date? Kinda wanna get some feedback here to gauge how I should behave beforehand. :p
Also wanna get some suggestion about who pays the drink. I would love to buy him drinks but don’t want him to have second thought or think I friendzone him.
Any suggestions?
13 comments
Ask him if he considers the outing a date.
Don’t worry about it. Let things play out naturally. If you are both available and attracted to each other, the outing will become a date regardless of what your plans were originally. 😊
Say how you feel! As a guy I think I would be very cautious about approaching a colleague about a relationship. I’ve heard too many stories about unwanted advances in the workplace.
I’d assume you were going as work friends.
I know you said that he gives you lifts home, despite them being out of his way. But I know friends who regularly do this for people they aren’t romantically interested in just because they are super nice people.
Go for the drinks. See how things play out. You could try flirting and see how it goes.
As for paying for drinks – I’m not sure how it would make any difference who pays. You offered to buy him a drink in thanks for the lifts – so do that.
I think it depends on what your relationship has been before hand. How long have each of you worked there and how often did you interact with each other? Could this be just a team building kind of thing to strengthen the work place? I wouldn’t assume it’s a date. He might just be trying to build a stronger relationship with a coworker. How many people work in your office?
Go and have fun. I think your interactions during will give you a better idea if it’s a date or just two colleagues hanging out.
As for the bill thing, if you want to go dutch it’s fine. If a guy is into you I don’t think he’s going to automatically assume you’re friend-zoning him just bc you paid for your own drinks. If he wants to pick up the tab, don’t counteroffer to pay for your own. Thank him and let him know the next round is on you (aka another date if you’re both feeling each other).
Don’t label it. If you’re interested, flirt. If that doesn’t work, just be straight with him about it…or, and this is what I’d do…
I’d ask him directly when you sit down, “Is this a date? Because I’d like it to be a date.”, then let the chips fall where they may.
You consider it as “a guy you work with meeting you for drinks”. Try not to overthink it. See how the meet up goes, and work from there.
Who pays? When he invited you out, did he mention if it was part of paying him back for rides? If he offers, just say “You have to let me pay for at least some of your drinks as thanks for the rides.”
If you text every day and he goes out of his way to drive you home sometimes, it’s most likely a date and he’s been playing it safe so far because you work together. I would still feel it out during the evening and no point in asking for clarification beforehand. Enjoy yourself and get to know him in a different setting. Seems like he likes you!
Paying for the drinks is tricky. You want to treat him because he’s been giving you rides but he also invited you out and might want to pay too. So feel free to offer but he may feel obligated as well.
Obviously you pay for the first round, because you said you would.
If he offers to buy another, you might have something.
Assuming he has common sense, if you ask about his dating life, that could stir things a little. Even if he doesnt pick up, you’ll find out more about him. If he steers away from the topic, then it might get complicate or be a hint to not go there….
You have to be flirty if you want him. Since the me too movement, work environment became the worst place to date.
Don’t get caught up on if it’s a date, consider what it might foster in terms of the connection you want. I’ve had a lot of non dates that led to meaningful relationships 🙂