How To Tell If Somebody Is Interested In You …

This is a common question that runs through the minds of many of you folks. How do you know whether somebody you are talking to is interested in you ? What makes people interested in you in general ? What makes people lose interest in you in general ? Read on to find out.

**How Do People Show Interest in Real Life ?**

***In person interactions are the best, most simple and reliable way to know whether somebody is interested in you or not.*** People always reveal who they are in person and how they feel about you in person. When they are interested in you, their body language is open and they look you directly in the eyes. They are not on their phones or distracted; they legitimately give you their undivided attention. During conversations with you, they are noticeably engaged and enthusiastic when talking. They ask you how you are and what you have been up to lately and what is going on in your life (in the event you haven’t talked to them in a while). They listen and pay attention to you, make follow up statements, ask you follow up questions, and allow you to express yourself freely. They are overall positive and upbeat around you.

**How Do People Show Interest Online ?**

***When you text/call/message people, those who are interested in you will respond to you in a timely manner.*** Rarely will they give low effort and/or outright ignore your contact attempts. All the things I mentioned about what they do during in person interactions carry over to here as well. If they are highly interested in you, they will text you first at times and/or will like/comment/react to anything you share on social media. But here is the biggest key indicator of interest. If you contact them specifically inviting them to hang out, those that are interested in you will say yes and actually follow through and hang out with you i.e. they do not flake on you. If they can’t hang out with you for whatever reason, both you and them will arrange some time to do so down the road. ***They don’t dodge your attempts to contact them.***

**Why People Lose Interest in You ?**

How many of you folks have been in this situation before ? You met somebody cool and interesting (for example a crush). You started out by not contacting them as much, but then as you got to know them online/offline, your interest in them grew, so you started contacting them more often. Maybe you used to contact them once a month, but then you upgraded to contacting them once a week or once a day. For some period of time, they matched your energy and effort. But out of nowhere, they pulled back i.e. they stopped giving the same effort you gave them and/or they stopped talking to you. You noticed their distant behavior became anxious, nervous, overthinking everything you sent them. You sent them more texts confronting them and/or apologizing for anything you possibly said wrong to them. They probably told you things were fine, but their behavior doesn’t change. They are still cold and distant. They probably stopped talking to you entirely. They moved on, while you’re left heartbroken …

So why did I bring that situation up ? ***The more anxious you are about other people and the more you care so much about other people in terms of receiving their attention, time, reassurance, approval, validation either online/offline, the more needy and desperate you will become for them and the less likely people will reciprocate and associate with you.*** People notice the way you act and carry yourself around them. They can sense your anxious vibes. They know when you are overly attached to them and heavily dependent upon them for online/offline attention. Your actions tend to show it. The tell tale signs are you texting/calling them way more than they are to you, and you being anxious, emotionally reacting, begging/chasing, and confronting them when they don’t give you attention, time, reassurance, approval, validation either online/offline for whatever reason. ***People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation. They gravitate towards somebody who is self confident, brings positive vibes in conversations, and is well rounded enough in life to not depend on others.***

**So How do People Become Interested in You Naturally ?**

***Folks, working on your in person social skills is a must.*** The vibes and impressions you give off when talking to real life matter a lot. What you need to understand is that people attach you to the quality of in person interactions you have with them. In particular, they notice the way you act and carry yourself around them. You have to be self confident and bring positive vibes first and foremost. This essentially means you need to make people feel good and comfortable around you.

***A huge mistake lot of you make is that you are so heavily focused on seeking attention, approval, validation, and/or reassurance from other people.*** People notice when you are doing these things. Stop focusing on that. Shift the focus from receiving those things to genuinely connecting with people in the moment. You need to ask people questions about themselves, listen and pay attention to what they say, and express yourself confidently with the same energy when it is your turn to speak. Just like you, people want to be felt and heard. People also attach you subconsciously to the value you bring. They like those who can tangibly impact their lives. Maybe a skill, talent, hobby you have aligns with their interests. Bring it up and offer to help people. People will always love and respect somebody who can directly impact them. Even if the things you do might not necessarily impact them, people can still respect the fact you are doing constructive things in life besides just talking to them.

**Additional Notes and Tips**

* ***Online interactions tend to reflect offline interactions, not the other way around.*** If you connect with people well in person, you are most likely going to have better online interactions with them too. So seriously, focus on connecting with people offline.
* ***Control your phone/social media usage.*** Instill this habit in yourself. If you send somebody a message or post online on social media, send that message/post online, and then immediately put your phone away. Don’t dwell on your texting/messaging thread or on your social media account anxiously checking whether that person got/read your message and/or people liked/commented/reacted to your post. Go do literally anything else besides be on your phone all day. Pick up the phone when it is necessary. A lot of you get anxious, nervous, and start overthinking things and train yourself to get attached to people because you dwell on your phone/social media a lot. I bet many of you are that person who sent a someone you’re particularly interested in a message and are anxiously checking your phone a billion times to see if they got/read your message or not. In fact, you probably sent them another message a.k.a double texted them. If you are in doubt, let me tell you something. ***THEY GOT YOUR MESSAGE.*** Big Tech and your phone service work together to send your messages to your intended recipient. If the other person has notifications turned on, they will be notified of your message. If they don’t, they will be notified once they log into whatever app it is. At this point, ***EITHER THEY WILL RESPOND TO YOU OR THEY WON’T.*** Never ever tie your self esteem and self worth into getting a response from somebody else.
* ***Be Genuinely Busy In Your Real Life.*** Kind of related to the previous point, and what I’ve been preaching on this sub all the time. Folks, ask yourself this. What is going on in your real life ? Why are you constantly sitting around and anxiously waiting on your phone for somebody to respond to you ? Why do you excessively care about this person who presumably has other priorities in life and thus isn’t even showing the same level of care back to you ? Why don’t you have other priorities in your life besides them ? This is why you get attached to other people and make them lose interest in you. You need to be genuinely busy in your life. Focus on your hobbies and goals. Find something you are interested in and keep pursuing whatever it is that you are interested in. If you want to build natural self esteem and self confidence, this is the quickest way to do it.

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**Tldr**; People that are interested in you will clearly show it in person. The way you get people to be naturally interested in you is to work on your real life social skills. People subconsciously attach you to the quality of such in person interactions. Mainly, they are looking to see if you are self confident and are bringing positive vibes to the interactions. They want to see you are confident to hold a real conversation with them and aren’t dependent upon them for attention, approval, validation, or reassurance. It also helps to show you are an interesting and well-rounded person too. People respect those who add value to their lives or at the very minimum are actively doing something in life. Once people have a good impression of you offline, they will show you interest online as well. They will respond to almost all of your contact attempts and interact with you the same way as they do offline. But a lot of you folks ruin things because you become anxious, nervous, and start overthinking things, especially online. You train yourself to become needy and desperate for people’s attention, approval, validation, or reassurance, especially when they aren’t giving it to you for whatever reason. They see your needy and desperate actions and that you are constantly begging and chasing them, which ends up making them lose respect for you and become repulsed by you. Avoid that trap. You need to be genuinely busy in your life focusing on your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. Chase excellence, not people !