TL;DR! Last night I found myself in a bit of a predicament, and need some advice/opinions on what the title mentions.
Made a throwaway so I can talk more freely.
Context:
I(29M) started dating a girl(24F), it’s a recent relationship, but we were going for something serious, I already knew before hand that she had quite the number of previous sexual partners, something that usually doesn’t bother me (It sort of does, but I already know how to avoid getting upset about it), I don’t really ask about previous partners, unless it’s required for any reason, but sometimes, she likes to add some events from her sexual adventures, that I don’t care to ear, this has happened more than once, but until yesterday I only said small things about it to let her know I don’t want to ear it (“I was better before I knew that”, “I don’t want to know about that”, “I don’t care what you did with X”). Yesterday, she hit me with a hard one, she got an infection from casual sex in her past, when she started talking about it, I immediately ask her to stop (we were cuddling so I tried to shut her mouth and told her I don’t want to ear that, I didn’t make a lot of effort to shut her up), but what bother me the most, was the infection, she was doing unprotected sex with strangers, so after a few minutes of silence and me skulking, I reluctantly asked, with how many people did she had unprotected sex with (she answered “I didn’t count” before I finished the question, and 4 after I finished), and well, her answer was a lie, I already knew it was more than that from previous hints. She reassured me she tested for STDs 6 moths before (before emigrating to my country).
So it was a night with no sleep for me, and I barelly talked with her in the morning. (She was also angry at me for not buying the cookies she wanted).
4 comments
I would sit her down and clearly communicate that it makes you uncomfortable when she discusses her previous sexual relations. At the end of the day, you need to decide if her sexual history is something that bothers you. If it usually doesn’t bother you and you are just bothered because you are hearing about it, then asking her to stop should do the trick. She can’t change her past but she can at the very least not share the gritty details with you.
So a couple of things jump out here: she likes to talk about previous sex. You’re not about that but she doesn’t respect that boundary. That’s an incompatibility.
There’s some shadowy stuff about unprotected sex and STIs…did you *both* have screening when you started up with each other?
The number of partners isn’t at issue here. She only needed to have *one* partner to catch something. She knows you’re iffy about her past so she’s trying to provide the right answer which may or may not resemble the truth.
Honestly don’t think you’re compatible.
You have to make it clear that you don’t want to hear about these things. If she can’t stop, you’re probably not very good fit for each other if you can’t even reach a consensus on such a small thing.
Not sure what’s up with that “ear” btw, it’s hear.
>I tried to shut her mouth
I hope you don’t mean that you physically tried to make her stop talking.