Over the years, I attend family gatherings have observed patterns with the same few people which annoy me. It results in me having to explain my personal choices in life and getting unsolicited advice. For example:
1. I try to keep low profile about about a recent car acquisition. One person notices, and attracts the attention of several others, leading to bunch of questions. I don’t mind casual questions, but not when they question financial aspects. “How much did you put down?” “What’s your monthly payment?” “Did you lease or buy?” “That’s so expensive, why don’t you ___?”
2. My employment and career choices. And it’s always the same people. Maybe I only see them only once a year. But the conversation always somehow involve asking “Are you still working at ____?” “Are you still ___?”
3. Other life choices. “When are you going to ___?” “Why don’t you ___?”
Could it be that they don’t have much to discuss with me and these are just filler questions to avoid awkwardness? They still ask the same questions even if they only saw me couple months back, as if they’re programmed to ask whenever they see me. There’s plenty more to talk about, like current events, but these kinds of questions always come up. Why do I always feel I have to explain my life choices to people? I don’t pry into their personal choices, why do they pry into mine?
Sometimes I get anxious when gatherings are approaching, as if I need to prepare to face the same people and their line of questioning. Do they have genuine concern about my life choices, or are they just nosy? How do I get them to stop prying? Am I overreacting and being too sensitive or is this a legitimate concern? I’ve stopped caring what they think, but it’s kinda annoying to answer the same questions from the same people all the time. In my mind it’s like “here we go again”.
1 comment
Because most people who gather together by obligation and not common interest, have nothing better to talk about than family, house, car, job. If you feel it’s unbalanced, ask them same questions back. Like for every answer you give them, ask “How about you?”, “What about your car/house/job?” If you don’t want to talk about it altogether, switch topics. To weather or sports or whatever. It’s a socially acceptable way of signalling that you’re not interested in discussing your life choices with them, but don’t object their company.