I’m going to a three day event filled with many people my age and I currently don’t have many friends so I feel like I might lack the current standards I need to be appealing to others. I know many people are going to say ” just be yourself” but I want to have an attractive and approachable aura amongst such a large crowd of people. And I’ve never been in such an environment with so many people that are my age. I’ve been to social events and I’ve been around people but haven’t been in situations like this in years.
I myself personally have noticed and a lot of other people have told me that I have a mean face. Maybe sitting down. Just thinking about random things and trading calm but in the meantime my face looks either really angry or sad. Many people that don’t know me me may not feel I’m approachable and I don’t know how to change that. Even my own grandma told me that if she was around my age and she didn’t know me she would think I was a mean person and unapproachable because a lot of times my face looks so angry.
Also, I’m a pretty friendly and amiable person but my insecurity and lack of self esteem restricts me from talking to anyone and everyone. This comes from the past when I was more friendly and social as a child and I felt rejected a lot by other people my age.
So now in order to avoid rejection I often tend to stay to myself or just socialized with a few people. What can I do?
1 comment
As long as you are overly self conscious about how insecure you are, you will end up acting that way. People will notice and feel that vibe coming from you. People notice the way you carry yourself and the vibes you give off. When you are nervous/anxious/overthinking/worrying about who you are and what you are, your verbal and nonverbal actions tend to show it. If you keep acting this way, people will stop associating with you because it’s a negative vibe. You are essentially conveying that you are indeed unworthy to hold a conversation with them or be around them and that they need to be constantly reassuring you. That’s not what you want to convey, and it’s nobody else’s job but your own to validate and reassure yourself. People gravitate towards self confidence, not anxiety.
Go out and Genuinely connect with people in real life e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests, goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what people say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.