Dad’s unemployed for a couple years now and mom(employed) is full of debts. I spent almost my whole salary each month paying for the household bills and parent’s accumulated debts, to the extend that I have almost nothing left for myself. I’ve even taken out multiple loans to pay their home loan and dad’s medical bills and even put my dad on my medical aid, since he has health problems.
I’m in my late 20s and I don’t have much savings. I could most def up and leave and just look after myself, but I would not have enough money to continue helping my parents at least not until I’ve increased my salary more, and I would feel guilty that they would not be able to survive without me if I seized to stop supporting the financially.
I feel that my parents’ finances have really hindered my progress in life.
For those of you men who were in a similar position, how did you overcome taking care of family to such an extend?
5 comments
Try to stay calm.
Try to put emotions aside.
Don’t interrupt the other person while they are speaking.
Actively listen to what they are saying and what they mean.
Check that you understand them by asking questions.
Communicate your side of the story clearly and honestly.
Can I ask why dad is unemployed for the last couple of years?
Are there other siblings living at home still?
It’s great that you love your parents as much as you do, to be helping them with their debts, but remember, they are their debts, not yours.
If dad is not working because of a physical aliment, that’s understandable, but if dad isn’t working because he’s lazy then that is not alright.
Being in your late 20s means that you need to be to looking ahead to your future. You need to be able to have your own space, your own life. If you don’t start down that road today, you will likely never start it. You don’t want to be 50 and still the financier of your parents lifestyle, while sacrificing yours.
Please don’t take it the wrong way. I wholeheartedly agree with the children caring for their parents if the parents are unable to. I disagree vehemently of parents taking advantage of their children and robbing them of a future because of bad decisions the parents have made.
Get dad back to work or benefits.
Help them by cutting up the credit card.
Then pay off debts (one at a time) Set targets.
Remember NOT YOUR DEBTS.
You don’t “overcome” it, you take decisive action!
– examine bankruptcy protection for your parents. Medical bills are common among bankruptcy filings. No shame should be attached.
– downside their living expenses. CUT EVERYTHING! no luxuries.
– you’re a man in your 20s, so it’s a chance your parents still see you as a kid despite helping them stay afloat. You need to shed that imagine and take control. Have a meeting with your parents to discuss how to move forward. Inform them of the sacrifices that must be made and that they are nonnegotiable.
Much luck.
As a parent, posts like this one make me sad. I’d rather be dirt poor and living in my car than being a burden on my kid.