Background:
I (20F) met a girl (17F) three years ago while volunteering. We got along well but didn’t really spend time outside of the volunteering with each other. Then covid hit, we didn’t really interact for a while and then started meeting outside and spending a lot of time together. We’ve got a lot in common and it feels like we are sisters at this point.
Current situation:
Within the last few months she started doing some things that bother me a lot. The most recent thing is that one time I assume she was mad at me while we were with other friends (I think I said something that made her mad but honestly idk) and instead of either distancing herself or talking about it, she started insulting me. Said I am worthless, I have not achieved anything in my life and she doesnt want to end up like me. She repeated sentences like this four more times. I didn’t really talk to her for the rest of the meeting and after a while she seemed to calm down and just pretended nothing ever happened, which is something she does every time she treats someone wrong or is rude to someone.
She is also constantly late. Not as in two minutes here, five minutes there, but more like 15+ minutes almost every time we meet up. Not because of things outside of her control but most of the time because she left the house too late and so she missed the train because she was too lazy to get up.
That was last month and so far I haven’t met her since then. Not because I refuse to meet her but because I am usually the one who asks her to hang out and I’ve stopped doing so. I am honestly tired of her behaviour but at the same time I am the one who never said much about it so its kinda my fault we are at a point where she feels like she can just do anything and ill forgive her without her saying sorry.
I’ve tried talking to her about her constant lateness but she just laughed it off. I know she is waiting for me to message her to hang out again but I just feel overwhelmed.
At the same time I don’t want to lose the friendship because I don’t have many friends, especially friends that relate to my situation.
How do I deal with this situation?
Tl;Dr: Close friend is sometimes rude and always pretends nothing happened afterwards. How do I tell her I am not okay with this? Is it worth ending an otherwise good friendship over?
4 comments
Create and keep distance but you dont have to drop the friendship altogether. Just meet less regularly and domt tell her a your secrets. Also work on being able to communicate the tjings you’re upset about
>I assume she was mad at me while we were with other friends (I think I said something that made her mad but honestly idk) and instead of either distancing herself or talking about it, she started insulting me. Said I am worthless, I have not achieved anything in my life and she doesnt want to end up like me. She repeated sentences like this four more times. I didn’t really talk to her for the rest of the meeting and after a while she seemed to calm down and just pretended nothing ever happened,
I don’t know, I think of myself as quite a principled person. And if someone treated me this way and never expressed any kind of remorse or apologies, my principle would be to fuck off and leave them to it, because if they think I’m inferior to them why would I waste my time hanging around with them any longer?
I guess it comes down to whether you can overlook the negatives (the disrespectful nature of her always being late, and the never apologising in situations like the one you mentioned where she’s quite obviously in the wrong) because of the benefits you do get. If that’s not possible, and you don’t feel able to bring up any of the issues that are bugging you, not responding to her at all is probably the best option.
My friends don’t insult me, call me names and say I’m worthless. Well maybe in jest if we’re clearly joking around but never with malice.
I would just let this fizzle. Just don’t reach out and if she proposes a hangout you can decide if you want to go and plan to arrive late if you know she’s not going to be on time anyway.
She is not a friend, treat her as such.