So, my(19F) boyfriend(18M) has a vacation home in a popular tourist spot. We have been dating for 6 months and in a month or so we both will be going to university in different countries and although they are close, the cities are a few hours apart and we will barely get to see each other from then on.
For a few days I had known that he was going on vacation with his friend group (3 girls and 2 guys) but I did not know that where there was going was his house. I always assumed it was either rented or owned by one of his other friends. I just learned that it actually is his. I didn’t wanted to be the one inviting myself to his friend group although I know all of them and hung out/slept over a couple times. The trouble is that he told me that after they leave I could come and we would have some time together but then he stepped back from the idea saying that he was going to be vacationing with his uncle instead. At first I was happy about the offer, considering we have less than a month together and we barely get to be together since we both live with our parents. But then it offended me that he was vacationing with his friends, with whom I would be completely okay with tagging along, and then with his uncle and out of all these days he couldn’t make time to spend with me. I am kind of mad now that he is spending all this “farewell time” but I’m not involved in it. I don’t know how to feel about this or if I should even react.
TLDR; bf goes on vacation with friends without inviting me
2 comments
Honestly, enjoy your summer. The odds are pretty good you guys won’t make it til christmas.
I hate to say it, but it sounds like he’s realizing how far apart you’re going to be and is mentally checking out of the relationship, maybe without even fully realizing he’s doing it.
It’s not uncommon for people who know they’re going to experience a big change in life to begin adjusting how they live before the change actually occurs. This is just a guess, I obviously can’t speak for someone I don’t know? But my guess would be that way deep down inside he doesn’t feel that your relationship will survive being long distance, but he doesn’t want to actively break up because there’s nothing currently wrong and that feels like too strong of an action. Sort of preemptively buffering himself from you to lessen the hurtful truth on the horizon.
Again, that’s wild speculation from a total stranger. But I’ve seen similar things happen before. People subtly (or blatantly) rejecting friends and partners in their life because they know they’re moving away or have a serious illness they might not beat or something.
If I were you I’d ask him if he’s not interested in spending any time with you before your move. Might get him to realize what he’s feeling and communicate it more clearly.