I (30M) see so many profiles that shut down basic conversation starters like “What’s up?” or “How are you?” or “How’s it going?”.
Like I understand the person is trying to filter out one word responses or people who can’t carry a convo but I don’t even understand what I’m supposed to *open* with? Do they *want* me to open with a pick-up line? They’re tacky at best and will get you reposted on Twitter and mocked at worst. Comment on a specific aspect of their profile? That seems to be what people want, but then *I’m* the one getting one word responses or they act like I’m already supposed to know about X subject when I want to learn more about it.
Then again, maybe I ***am*** the person those remarks are trying to filter out when I can’t come up with an opening line. So I guess this is a “what do I open with?” sort of question?
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They normally talk about their interests or hobbies try asking about them.
Read their profile and look at their pics and ask them a question based on what they wrote. Or send a message about something similar from your own life.
It’s the same as when you’re talking to any new person.
Start with something you notice from their profile. “Hey _____, your dog is precious how old are they/ have you been able to do _____ since covid.” It will also show that you took the time to read their profile which is huge win.
Or even something like “ hey there ______ I liked XYZ about your profile and wanted to reach out and see if we would hit it off. What did you get up to today?”
It’s longer and a bit more interesting than just hey how are you?
If you’re opening conversations by referencing specific parts of their profile, then it isn’t you. It’s them. If after a brief back and forth my match isn’t putting any energy into their responses, I just move on. Don’t want to waste my time with someone like that.
With a fun fact, fun hypothetical, or a decent question about something on their profile.
“how are up?” “what’s are you?”
I’m one of them who avoids messages like those. If it’s just hey, I swipe left but if that hey gets followed by something in my profile, I reply.
This is because, the guys are messaging pretty much everyone and I don’t want to be spending my time and energy with someone who is not exactly interested in me.
Swipe left, go for someone who isn’t as demanding. Hey, how are you is a perfectly fine opener if you can actually maintain a conversation afterwards.
Yes, you open with something you see in their profile.
Been on a vacation to a spot you see in their photo? Mention that.
Does she like one of your fave movies? Mention that!
Do you have a slightly embarrassing story about a food she says she hates? Mention that!
And yes, they’re going to get annoyed if you can’t Google something you have basic questions about.
“What’s Free Soloing??” Uh, Google it, dude. Then say: “Wow! Free Soloing sounds intense. How long have you been such a daredevil?”
If they’re still only replying with one word responses, then they don’t sound like good matches. Move on to the next.
I’d probably pick something out about the person you’re writing to that is either flattering, funny, or charming as intro. Ask questions, or be quick to share about yourself
Just bamboozle them my dude. Pretend you’re writing a letter to them and include an interest of theirs, or tell them the glasses they’re wearing are stolen and you want them back. Do something left of field and have a fun and playful (not sexual) conversation, girls have to read “how are you” like a billion times a day I imagine it’s just makes them shudder at a certain point. The plus side aswell, you’ll find out who has personality real fast and if it doesn’t go anywhere atleast you had a fun trying 🙂
First, if someone is putting negative shit in their profile like ‘don’t message me with X’, my recommendation is to left swipe. You don’t need jaded, grumpy people bringing their negativity into your life.
With that said, if you’re interested in someone… An opening line should be based on that interest. What did you see that was interesting. Do they share a hobby with you? Or have a hobby you’re curious about? Do they have an interesting job? Do they do some kind of art that caught your eye?
If your answer is boobs, then yes, they are trying to filter you out. But just about anything else should work. Unless they’re not interested… Then nothing will work.
If profiles say that I would just swipe left on those.
That said, I would never open with a ‘whats up’ question. Just ask a question or have a statement based on what you see on their profile. Something they can follow up on (more than a 1 word response).
So for example don’t say ‘I really like this picture in the mountains’ or ‘where was this picture taken?’ instead say ‘does this picture of you in the mountains represent your ideal holiday?’.
I usually just swipe left on those. If you’re going to make dumb demands even before we’ve met, it’s not going to get better after we meet.
Come up with some generic icebreaker questions.
“If you were stuck on a deserted island with no hope of rescue but everything you need to survive indefinitely, would you rather be there alone or with your worst ex (or coworker, family member, elementary school bully, etc)?”
“If the last three people you texted were your zombie apocalypse crew, how long do you think you’d survive?”
“What’s something you think people get wrong about you?”
“If you could go back to any point in the last ten years for one day, what would you do and what do you think would be different when you came back?”
“What’s the most ridiculous thing you’d buy if you won some mega lottery jackpot?”
Etc. There’s probably better ones but that’s just stuff off the top of my head. You can also tie them in to current events. An obvious one right now might be “Team Will or Team Chris?” But during Jan 6th I was asking people how they rate their survival skills in the event of a government collapse.
It’s just designed to get a different look and hopefully make them think a little bit about the answer outside of “fine how about you?”
Honestly I would swipe left on those people. Maybe I get the ick too soon, but if I haven’t even interacted with you yet and already you’re telling me how to behave…. nope. 🚽
Those women are full of ****. If Brad Pitt said “hey” to them you think they’re going to not respond?
I take a cue from the profile and try to start a natural conversation. However when somebody has a lot of “don’t” sentences in their profile I tend to just ignore them and message somebody else
General advice seems to make reference to their profile, maybe ask a question about something from it.
Based on my (anecdotal) experience, I’ve had about equal success with profile-related questions and “how are you?”. The last time I was on OLD I just opened with “Hiii” and got way more responses than either other strategy. Who knows, OLD is weird. But I did find that the process of crafting profile-specific questions and getting responses only about 5% of the time was more mentally exhausting than saying “hi” or “how are you”.
Try a will smith slap meme…it should be a hit!….ayyy ohhh
I would a automatically pass on people who say that in their profiles.
A fun question? What If scenarios, hypotheticals, specific things to you like, “So many people hate banana candy, but I love it. What are your thoughts?”
Establishing connection is allowed to be fun or thought-provoking.
OR you can find a commonality and jump in with a thought/question/story: “Hey, I see we both rock-climb. I love how it brings people together. Once, I fell off a new boulder at Spot X – right onto my climbing partner! Do you have a regular climbing partner or spot?”
Conversation is about finding shared points and listening – that’s all you have to really do. Find shared points, talk, listen. Boom, good conversations!
I would avoid those people as putting that in your profile comes across as entitled and arrogant.
Every single one of my ongoing dating relationships started with something like “How’s your weekend or day or whatever?” If you have convo skills then you can start a convo easily from that. I suspect people who need a better opener just don’t have those skills.
>They’re tacky at best and will get you reposted on Twitter and mocked at worst.
You won’t get mocked on twitter
>Comment on a specific aspect of their profile?
Yes
>but then I’m the one getting one word responses
If that’s the case, unmatch and move on to someone who is actually engaging.
If that’s all you got, you don’t message them.
If someone on a dating app only talk about what they want from the other person or what to say or not to say – just don’t bother with them.
I think that the profile should show you who you are and to make the other person interested in you. Make them want to know more about you.
I think this “I want, I need bla.bla” is just entitled people that probably have nothing going on for them, they think all they need is a pretty face, a job and that they pay their own rent and they will be wanted… It’s like what on earth is going on with humans today? What happen with personality? Humour? Same values etc etc
You message first?
Thank god I am not the only one!
No one likes small talk, but small talk leads to big talk. And I’m supposed to be learning about you, how does that start with ‘How are you?’.
Swipe left on them and move on. You probably don’t have much in common with such a person from a conversational style perspective.
Mention something in their profile or pictures you are intrigued by, like “hey whats up, you look fun because of X YZ, what do you think of XYZ?”
In any case I’d just swipe left lol. I actually didn’t mind at all that men messaged with just “hey” as long as they followed up with something interesting after my response (usually “hey how are you” or “hey I like blah blah blah from your profile”)
You swipe left on those profiles.
If you have to swipe right, don’t start with a pickup line.
I typically do not engage with folks that do this. They are bringing negativity into their profile and have attitudes I am not equipped to deal with.
Your profile is an opportunity to showcase your top qualities and allow your personality to shine through. If the best that they can show is a negative quality like hatred or dislike of certain traits then I am not interested. Same thing applies for people who do not reveal much of anything either and show generic response or no response to the prompts.
I skip people who put this in their profile.
I honestly don’t know why these get so much hate. I get them all the time on Bumble (when women have to message first). It’s so easy to start a conversation from a “how are you” or “how’s your weekend” If you get a one word response the person clearly can’t be worth the time.
– “how are you?”
– “good, Just got back from doing X, Y, Z. I’m doing this other thing later but id really rather stay home and binge watch “this show”. How about you?
gives them multiple jumping off topics to choose from and a longer answer with a few details will usually be met with similar responses. people match your energy. Not rocket science.
Lets start with basics before I learn how you plan to survive a zombie attack stranger.
I see it this way – if there’s nothing in someone’s profile (text or photos) that is an obvious hook with which open a conversation, do I actually want to talk to them in the first place? If there’s no comment or question that jumps out at me to open with, I move on. A nice face isn’t enough for me to want to talk to someone.
I’d also swerve people with instructions like that in their profile anyway.
Those people that put that in their profile are the same people that are happy to start a conversation off with hi.
People that write stuff like that in their profile do so because they recently experienced some annoyance. Maybe they were really eager to talk to a guy that they found very attractive and he sent a few very simple messages before trailing off into nothing. So out of their frustration they post on their account not to open with the ‘Hi how are you.’
They will 100% respond to you with ‘hey how are you’ if they find you attractive.
“What’s your favorite weird fact? My life hasn’t been the same since I learned that [insert your own cool fact, like how whales descended from wolves?!]”
Hey, where was that cool mountain photo taken?
Hey, what’s the last concert you went to?
Hey, what kind of photography are you into?
Hey, what’s your favorite video game?
Hey, your dog is so cute – what breed is she?
heres the best answer: swipe left, avoid that red flag.
I swipe left on any profile with a list of demands or donts. like ok bitch, you can go be grumpy over there.
I am one of those people who doesn’t respond to the “hey how’s your Tuesday going” messages. (I’m sure I have a time or 2, but basically never)
I have a number of things in my profile/ pictures that someone could comment on. And if NOTHING about my profile resonates with a man enough to make a little opening comment— we probably aren’t a good match anyway.
That said, seems tacky to state that in your profile. Just don’t respond!
(I used to respond to these kinds of messages, but realized those conversations were the most boring/least likely to go anywhere. Maybe due to the man’s interest level, or us not having much in common? Who knows)
Imagine how many hiw many “hey how are yous” a person gets. As past used of online dating, hiw would I know who I should respond to when I got 100 hey how are yous in my inbox. I totally understand your point of view though.
My suggestion is looking up something in their profile that may seem unique to them or resonates with them.