Hi, I always find I end up feeling that I am am I doing something wrong in social situations. I will walk into class, sit down and feel as if I have done something. I struggle to talk to people and can NOT start conversations. I love meeting people and am genuinely interested in getting to know people and building relationships, but can not seem to bond properly with people. If I have to answer a question in front of people, even if my answer is correct or good, I still feel awkward or as if I am blushing.
I also can not cope with annoying/disappointing people in a social setting and it is something that eats away with me constantly and is something I end up cringing about before sleeping or thinking about constantly to the point i think it affects any interaction I have with them and puts me in a terrible mood. If anything remotely embarrassing happens to me it absolutely eats away at me and puts me in a depressive state.
Counselling is not an option for me, at least not currently. I am moving away at the end of the year and can not do anything socially. I hate it because in my head I am very sociable and can carry on conversations and crack jokes, but I can not actually do this as something just prevents me from talking to people properly.
Does anyone have an advice or experiance with getting around these problems please?
Thanks so much.
2 comments
Recognize the what your feeling and realize there is a feeling either way. While meeting new might be a little nerve racking, there is that chance of breaking the cycle causing the stress and making a friend.
I have the same problem as you. Don’t know if I’m qualified to answer since I’m still struggling with this and trying to improve.
Every night I make up random scenarios in my head, imagining myself talking to others the next day at school. I plan the things I’ll say ahead of time and then low and behold on that fateful day… something happens/changes, my plans are ruined, nobody comes up to me and talks to me and I end up all alone.
You need to stop doing this.
Go to school everyday ready to go with the flow. The things in your head aren’t real, remind yourself constantly. The only way you’ll get over this is to force yourself to talk and put yourself in situations a little bit out of your comfort zone, gradually increasing it little by little. Force yourself to go up to others and talk, even if it’s awkward at first. Trust me, it’ll get easier with practice. Breathe in, mentally cheer yourself on and force your feet to move. You’ll have your good days and bad days when you can talk more or talk less, but don’t give up.
There will be stages when you think it’s hopeless and just want to stop cause once you go back to normal no one cares, but you have to keep going. It’s much better to start improving this now than later because you won’t have regrets.
About the over-thinking problem, just remember that no one really gives a shit honestly. They aren’t going to remember something small you did, no matter how awkward or embarrassing it was for you. We live in a world where no one really cares… and the likes of us who think too much miss out on a lot of stuff due to us thinking and rethinking how to say or do something to accommodate others when really, they don’t give a damn about what they say and do and how it’ll affect us. Be yourself and start trying to live a little more freely, lively; lighten up, really.
Most people don’t understand us and aren’t willing to initiate a convo with us because we seem aloof and bitchy when really, we might be craving for friendship and to talk to others inside. Even if they do initiate they will give up at some point if you we can’t keep a convo going. People aren’t willing to put in effort and patience for us.
It’s a hard and long process… but if you start working on it now… little by little, you really will start seeing a difference. You only live once, start putting yourself out of your comfort zone now before you end up having regrets!