I know this sounds dumb. Bear with me.
22F. I am finally getting comfortable in my own skin. I buy clothes that fit, enhance my natural beauty, blah blah. I’m not a model by any means, but After years of body dysmorphia, I’m finally understanding my worth. Cool.
Problem: I have NO idea how to flirt with people or make meaningful romantic connections.
I’m attracted to men/women/NB people. I identify as an introvert but I frequently hang out with family/friends. I talk to strangers all the time. But I swear to god. I cannot flirt.
I’ve dated several people since I was a teenager, but all my relationships have ended terribly. Usually because emotional or sexual abuse, poor boundaries, or just incompatible. I see a therapist. I’m not looking to date-date anyone right now, but I want to get better at taking action in my romantic life!
These are the words that people describe me as: direct, funny, good listener, impatient, quick to anger, nice, a good leader, highly anxious. Maybe its conflicting but people contain multitudes.
Hot people will approach me. We start talking, they compliment me, I compliment them, and it goes nowhere! To stereotype- women start acting shy, which I’m not into, and men will either get straight up creepy or just disinterested.
When I flirt with women, I feel creepy and nervous. When I flirt with men, I feel like any moment they will leave OR that I will stop liking them and want to leave.
I know this is a self-absorbed post. If that pissed you off, understood. But if anyone has advice, I’d love to hear it. Basically: how can I be more approachable, romantically, while staying true to my socially awkward self?
1 comment
Personally I try to keep in mind that I want the other person to know I’m attracted to them. I used to think that there was way in which you could flirt without showing it (probably to avoid rejection) – but having the intention to signal that I feel attracted to the person I’m flirting with makes all the difference.
Might be obvious, but it wasn’t to me.
And I think you have to make a guess about what type of flirting will suit the person your talking to: understated/quirky/subtle or confident/assertive etc depending on the person.